A break

[Kevin160]

Hey everyone , what a better place to write than on the toilet seat 😂.. thought i'd give an update, my anxiety and stress levels were very low or sometimes i would not feel any anxiety, it was very surprising because after last time i thought i would never be able to avoid stress without serious help

My therapist said that he is moving to a new clinic and he will contact me as soon as they settle and start seeing patients so i guess its going to take a while ..my luck i guess ;(

Anyway im doing much better this week, i started trying to let myself panic and panic without any fear of dying..for the first time in litteraly years i dont worry alot when going to bed and thinking im not going to wake up , im pushing myself to do things i was superstitious about doing , i feel much better mentally and also for the first time i started being grateful for what happened , i feel bad when i see at my friends who never experienced any sort of mental illnesses because they act like its easy or their lives are perfect ..im just so proud of myself ..at some point I'm worried i will jinx it and start panicking but whenever i feel like stressing i tell myself go ahead and panic ..im no longer afraif of it..sometimes I get irrstional thoughts but i keep telling myself they will never come true.. atleast not this young ..

However whenever i do activities and my heart races when walking or running..i feel anxious because it sort of makes me think im panicking or my brain starts treating it like panic attacks ...but nevertheless i feel amazing right now ..since friday night and i barely had any panic or stress, i keep thinking and worrying about the migraines with aura i keep getting because the attacks are the worst things i ever faced ..and they are getting more severe and frequent which is frustrating..im feeling more optimistic than ever ..im meditating amd being more outgoing and calm ...i don't feel like i can control my stress yet all the way ...BUT whenever i feel stressed i dont worry about facing it because im not so worried about the outcome and it makes me think i was worried about not the stress..i was worried only about it killing me and thats years away of constant stress which is basically not possible

Thanks everyone for the help..im doing my best to try and live normally and not avoid stress and just pushing myself to new boundaries . It sounds lame and dramatic but this feels like a game changer and like i feel i never knew anything about life and i considered myself a very knowledgeable person but now i have so many realizations and ideas and tips and advices that really make me feel like im so much stronger

[Jeff1943]

Excellent report Kevin, I have the feeling that you're on the Yellow Brick Road to recovery. No hurry though.

[Kevin160 in reply to Jeff1943]

Ya ..i mean i had setbacks before so im just trying to be hopeful

[Agora1]

Kevin, I am in my glory today. 2 positive posts in a row. YES...

You have certainly come a long, long way my friend. I'm so proud of you.

You had that "aha" moment that eventually all of us get to. You are doing

great, keep that positive attitude and don't allow those thoughts/symptoms

lie to you. This is your life and it's mean to enjoy. You've taken many steps

forward. Good Luck on your continued journey to recovery. xx

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much, i owe you and all the other great People who showed me the true side of anxiety that its not just scary emotions and just irrational fears..i consider things much more than before where before i used to panic over the slightest...i feel i still have a long way but the hard part is likely over

[Agora1 in reply to Kevin160]

The hard part is likely over Kevin. The hardest part of anxiety is accepting it and allowing it to pass without a fight. You've learned well from the forum but it

still took YOU to make the difference. x

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

Yes im so proud of myself, which was hard because i just started hating myself because i couldnt control the thing i was supposed to feel in charge of , my mind..i felt like im losing everything if i cant be strong enough to deal with this, at some point i felt at the absolute rock bottom , and i still cringe when i think of those nights, but its less of a scary emotion , like i dont fear recalling that day, and now im so much more experienced, i write alot down, do meditation , and exercise and much more..i can talk on and on but you get the idea...im going to dee how everything goes

[Agora1 in reply to Kevin160]

Keep us posted.

[Calm_mama]

Hi Kevin!

This is so great to hear

Yes we all think we are knowledgeable and are seeing things from the right perspective until... oops, we aren't sometimes! That's OK, take off that pair of glasses that are making everything fuzzy and put on new ones that bring everything into focus. Ah....Clarity!

And as you are having the realization that this is a game-changer, you will start to see how this difficult time you are going through truly become a gift. A very weird gift. You really will see it that way

Thanks so much for the update!