Advice needed asap

[adptsdhelp]

Hi, so I am a senior in highschool with an incredible stress load. My uncle is suffering from ALS & I have to take care of him on top of my dual credit classes & additional college classes after school. I have chronic back pains & shoulder pains due to the 3 accidents I’ve been in. I also have endometriosis and struggle with the severe pain that has recently returned after just over a year since my surgery to remove the lesions. Now on top of all of that I try to stay focused on my long term goals of becoming a neurosurgeon. I’m busy as most dedicated high schoolers with 10page papers and loads of homework & internship applications & anticipating college acceptance. I was hospitalized this year due to suicide & was there for a week. After that, I was put on 2 different types of pills & recommended to see my counselor more regularly. I recently missed my counseling appointment & have been missing other doctor appointments like my allergy shots and I’ve found it difficult to take care of myself among the meds I have going on. In addition to all of that, I’ve been having severe sleep problems despite how I attempt to track it with my Fitbit, cushion my back correctly, & use essential oils in a humidifier use cooler temperatures stay hydrated and develop a routine bedtime. I have googled everything 100x on coping with my stress, but despite all my efforts & constant overthinking about why nothing is working I either get 4 hours of sleep with no rem included feel increasing anxiety all day long but am very productive, or the alternative is I get 8hrs or more and end up with my depression taking over the show. Today, I have missed school despite my many misses already bc of hospitalization. I have barely been able to drag myself out of the bed & I haven’t showered, or found the effort to even brush my hair, I’m having difficulty over just my depression bc my shoulders ache & back is painful & stuff upon awakening only making it harder for me. Yesterday, I slipped on the ice & had one my worst days in a while. This weekend my hip popped out of place & I went to the chiropractor, but it increased my dwelling & pain. I have iced my body and used this massager I have, but here I am 18yrs old struggling with hop & back problems like the residents I have taken care of as a CNA. If you have any advice for any of my millions of problems please don’t hesitate to reach out. My gpa also just dies & his funeral is on my best friends bday & idk how to tell her so I’ve been kind of avoiding her afraid of confrontation & disappointment. Also, I don’t have a good family background & not many friends that understand as most high schoolers barely even understand the concept of depression & have no idea what any of my other issues are like. Also, my suicidal thoughts were the worst last night and I’ve been trying so hard to not do that after experiencing one of my friends funerals bc of her suicide just a month after I returned from the hospital. I feel trapped as if the only thing I have motivation to do is to die, yet I don’t want to disappoint the very few people that still remain in my life nor prompt the others with mental health issues as well to take that path.

[Somebodysmom]

You are Not alone...I live with nerve damage pain everyday..Anxiety all around me... it sounds like you're doing everything you need to ... except giving up. You were given the gift of life embrace it! My mother tried to kill herself twice when I was 13 years old and yet I struggle with pain everyday and I never think to give up. You need to reach out to somebody close to you

[adptsdhelp in reply to Somebodysmom]

Thank you so much for the kind words. You sound like a real survivor I can imagine what it must be like to watch your mom try to kill herself at such a young age.

[SheWrote]

You are important and what you bring as who you are is necessary in this world. That is truth, no matter what your brain and your emotions are trying to tell you. I battled depression and anxiety from my teen years into my 40s and it destroyed so much in my life and prevented me from really living. Please continue talking to someone, even if it's just on here right now. This is so important and a step to beating this. I know you can, I am cheering for you! You are a fighter and a survivor who will be victorious. You are not alone, there is hope. If you want to talk more, I am here.

[adptsdhelp in reply to SheWrote]

Thank you so much for this. Honestly, I really needed to hear that!

[SheWrote in reply to adptsdhelp]

My pleasure! <3 Hope today is a good day!