Depression Relapse...help?

[dangerous_rose]

Hey there. Not sure if anyone will see this but I'm wondering, what do you do if your depression has spiked again and you feel a relapse?

Lemme explain. I attempted suicide a little over a month ago. Months before that, I had textbook examples of anxiety and depression but getting help from the counseling center at my college was hard and led to eventual denial that I had a problem. After the suicide attempt, I tried super hard again to get help. Telling my friends helped me a lot and journaling every day has made things more manageable since then. Now I've been getting up and staying motivated consistently for at least a week and a half, i've been proud of that.

But just yesterday, I told two of my closest childhood friends what's been going on, in the hopes of keeping my momentum going. Their response was filled with ignorance. They were searching for the external situation that caused depression, trying to find "logic" in what I was saying. One of them was even smiling as I re accounted the events. It had me disturbed and although I journaled this morning about it and told my close friends who get me, I still feel broken up about it.

I know I'm not alone, is there anyone who can give some advice on how to move forward with those friends? Also, are there any practices/self love habits/mantras that have helped people get through the relapse that may result because of it? I've been feeling pretty down today, and that familiar hopeless feeling is crawling back and it just sucks so much.

[jkl5500]

First, if you are feeling critical, please get to the ER right away.

Second, there must be other options to get therapy than your college. If money is an issue, contact your county mental health services to see what they have to offer.

Also, there is no guarantee that close friends or even close family members will "get" what you're going through, so be careful who you talk to about this.

[dangerous_rose in reply to jkl5500]

Thank you, you're right I should have a "action plan" in case something happens. I have one for college, but not one for my actual home.

I do have a counselor I've been seeing at my home residence. Unfortunately, when I saw her, I was doing somewhat better. There's a hotline where I live for mental health issues that I used before, so maybe I'll try that again.

And as for the final point, you're absolutely right. I've avoided telling my parents for that precise reason (but my brother knows and checks on me quite often). I guess I just thought that those particular friends, since in college and dealing with harsh struggles, would be more understanding. My guess is, they're so numb to their own pain that they haven't fallen into depression as an adult yet.

[AuntBee]

I’m sorry your friends didn’t bring you comfort. To those that don’t understand how depression works, they think you are sad or upset until an event passes, for example a test at school or a job interview or when your done with that big project at work, then once the event is over you are ok again. This is logical to them. A depression for no particular reason is not understood. It’s just that you either have to educate them if you think they are teachable, or like jkI5500 said, not share too much with them. The smiling could have been from nerves as some people smile or even laugh in the face of learning something serious. If that is not the case, that friend is extremely insensitive and I’d back up from them. You don’t need to feel judged. Hang in there. Sending you a hug.

[dangerous_rose in reply to AuntBee]

Thank you so much for your insight, it really helps. You're right, my friends are insensitive, and its probably because they're so numb to sad stories at this point (since they numb the pain from their own sad stories with tons of friends, extracurricular activities, and two jobs so that they feel accomplished enough to keep the bad thoughts away...I know this because it was the same pattern I led until I eventually burnt out) They're also pretty stubborn and probably won't take my story seriously until they experience it for themselves.

Those words were enough to finally get me out of bed. Sending you a hug back, thank you.

[YoungSimba]

Dangerous_rose beautiful name and I am sorry you have relapsed. It’s painful to know that reaching out and seeking help from others in hopes of relief can lead to feeling worse. I understand. My only suggestion would be to follow your gut instinct, if you feel that trying to talk to them further would lead nowhere then let them go. Another way would be to not open up to those friends again but still keep them around and only open up to the ones who get you. But it is up to you. I can tell you from experience that those “rationalizations” they have may never go away and will only make you attempting to open up to them make you feel worse.

And I am still practicing self love myself, but what I do is talk to myself in the mirror tell myself I’m beautiful and got this(whatever it is I’m going through), put on a great outfit, rap/sing a song (Pretty Little Fears by 6lack ft J.Cole has been my jam lately), talk to my little sister, and pray about how far God has brought me. It helps to know that we’ve made it this far and got through some very tough times. Hope this helps. I’m praying for you.

[mydogs in reply to YoungSimba]

I have suffered with acute anxiety and depression for many years now,but as I have gotten older (73) it has become so much worse,I worry about everything and can’t rationalise anything health anxiety puts me in a total breakdown,about 20 years ago I was telling a visiting priest my anxieties and he wrote down on the back of my book. When Fear knocks at the Door Faith opens it and there is no one there,I have just found this in an old drawer so am now making it my mantra hope it helps good luck xx

[dangerous_rose in reply to mydogs]

That is a beautiful mantra, thank you so much!

[dangerous_rose]

Thank you so much. You're so right, they probably won't change until they have experienced it for themselves. I think I'll keep them around and spend time with them when i'm fully feeling better and avoid talking about serious things with them.

Talking in the mirror is a good idea, I'll try that as well as listening to music and singing.

Prayer is something I've definitely fallen away from for some reason. It's hard to talk to Him when you're feeling alone. For me, the negative thoughts swell up the most while praying and I give up half way through. It sucks because I used to be such a devoted Christian. If you have any tips on that, It would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much for your support and prayers, its really helpful

[Mullinax18666]

I think I do better on a strict schedule. I set a small goal to accomplish every day to give me a sense of accomplishment and I hope you get over the hump fast .

[dangerous_rose in reply to Mullinax18666]

Thank you! I used to do this but over time it caused me to be inflexible and frustrated. I think i'll revisit this method and try to make it a little more versatile

[Rachel2535]

I get this. Some people don’t understand the mental health. You are not alone please know this. One of the verses that help me most of all is “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7. Praying for you. -Rachel

[dangerous_rose in reply to Rachel2535]

Thank you so much, that's an inspiring bible verse!

[Marshall64]

I told two coworkers about my depression in the past and one said to pull myself up and the other said his ex-wife used that as an excuse for stealing pain pills from her work (at a hospital). Since then I have not told people. I'm not mad at the coworkers; they just don't understand.

Have you looked into depression support groups? There may be some in your area or even your college. They have been a big help for me. They don't cost anything and it gets me out of the house and from isolating myself.

[dangerous_rose in reply to Marshall64]

I haven't looked into depression support groups in my area, but I'll be sure to do that! Very helpful suggestion, thanks so much

[Mullinax18666 in reply to Marshall64]

I need to look into support group's thanks for the thought.

[vc__]

am also dealing with this. I was afraid to tell anyone and I didn't, that was my greatest mistake. I was ashamed and I thought if I told anyone they would just ignore the fact that I was depressed and try to bring up the logic behind it

[dangerous_rose in reply to vc__]

You are not alone. I'm still at a weird point with those friends but it turns out, they just really didn't know how to respond to it. They do care, but I doubt they'll ever know how to show it. Fact of the matter is, I'm here for you and so is this whole online community. If you find at least one person who gets your situation in rl, be sure to confide in them. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. You got this, you are strong enough to want to seek help and even get up this morning. If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to message me.

[BAZ85022]

feelings are real even if others don’t understand. Even when things are good, we can still feel depressed and suicidal. I had breakdown a couple weeks ago. For me what helped a lot was some really good deep sleep. It didn’t give me more strength to cope. Be gentle on yourself. They say talking to others helps, but it doesn’t always. They often just want to hear positive things. So I am careful what I share then at least I keep the friendship.

[dangerous_rose in reply to BAZ85022]

Thanks for your response.The irony is that even though it's been 5 years since that post, I can definitely sense the relapse coming along for myself. It was really good to see how I used to be after reading that, I've definitely made leaps and bounds on my depression since then. I stopped talking to those friends. I met up with them some time over the winter and revealed that I was bisexual. Of course the response was ignorant: no "congratulations" or "thank you for telling me that" or any expression of excitement. Just underlying judgement that I didn't know was bad or good or in between. Needless to say, I keep those friends at a considerable distance.

But as for my current relapse, you're absolutely right. It's sleep related. My room is stifling with the weather and for the past two weeks, my sleep has been restless. I think I've found a solution to fixing my AC so hopefully things will start to look up. I've learned so much about my depression since that first post and my biggest takeaway is that it all starts with physical health, above all sleep and nutrition. So I'm picking up where I left off, just a bit stronger than before.