Feeling stuck

[Runningfargal]

When do you know that you have hit a wall in therapy that you just can’t get past, over or through. My therapist keeps telling me I’m making progress but it feels so slow and sometimes doesn’t seem to go anywhere. She knows of all my demons, but I still, as a 40+ year old adult, can not seem to look her, voice the monsters that live in my head and started dealing with my issues. I have a history of and struggle with a eating disorder, cutting, suicidal ideation, and just overall self-loathing that has been with me since I was a child. I don’t have any history of abuse, just a lifetime of never feeling accepted, worthy. I just started trying to address everything a couple years ago, survived a recent attempt to end my life, 2 hospitalizations and an IOP Group, yet after all that I still don’t even know where or how to start talking. I just freeze. I can write/e-mail her but can’t verbalize in session. I don’t understand why it is so hard. I am starting to wondering if I should just quit and stop wasting people’s time.

[Hidden]

First don't give up on you...why?...there's only one you...makes you very special. I'm here for you and am more than willing to listen and try to help you...pm if you would like. Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!!

[gerg]

Most walls are created by ourselves and they serve us in some way. Therapy may be doing exactly what is needed by bringing you to this wall. What are your core beliefs that support this wall? How is it serving you?

Getting past the wall is your challenge. The wall is confirming some perception that you have of yourself. Not always easy to figure out, but very powerful when you do. I suggest that you listen to your self talk for some clues. Be honest with yourself and you may find some sort of acceptance that eliminates this wall.

Take care of this first wall and other walls will be easier. I am in no way a mental health professional. These are just things that I have figured out by not giving up. You can do it too! Make sure that you honor your efforts as you go, it is part of how we start liking ourselves.

[gerg in reply to gerg]

Is a wall an obstacle or an opportunity? This depends on our perception.

An important thing to know is that perception becomes reality. If we say that we cannot get past a wall, we won’t. We change our perception by changing how we view something, change our perspective. Everything can be viewed from several different perspectives, choosing the one that works is our choice. The wall viewed as an opportunity, will not only make it possible to get past it may even make it fun.

Epictetus said, basically, that things are not good or bad, it is the view that we choose to take of them that makes them so. So try to find a view that serves you, it will be just as valid as any other view.

Thank you for this post, it has helped me a lot.

[Runningfargal in reply to gerg]

Wow, thank you for that insight, I have reread this more than once and it really is giving me something to think about. I appreciate everyone’s support so much!

[gerg in reply to Runningfargal]

Just know that it is ok if you don’t “get it” all. Exposure to this stuff lets you know that change is possible. Change is gradual and we are looking to change something as complicated as how we think.

I used Epictetus’ concept as my base, it is something that you can learn and use with ease. Using it pretty much eliminates reacting, which is a problem, and allows for controlled response.

I could ramble on about this stuff forever and probably just make you more and more confused, so I’ll just stop for now. Like I said, I am not a mental health professional so don’t take my advice over theirs. This is just stuff that works for me and it may not work for everyone (there must be some good reason that they don’t use it).

[AuntBee]

Writing can definitely be helpful to get your thoughts into words on paper. I wondered, if then on paper, you could read the emails you sent to your therapist out loud to her. Even read past emails you have written to her out loud to yourself. i just thought hearing your own written words could help you figure out what stops you from verbalizing in session. Please don’t give up. It is not a waste of time. Be patient with yourself.

[Runningfargal in reply to AuntBee]

That is what I thought my next step should be but it’s so intimidating. It took me months just to get to the e-mails and then even more time not to edit them. The anxiety and shame are just overwhelming. I know if I do it once it will get easier, or at least not worse but that first step is just so huge- thank you!

[Hidden]

Your Therapist will be trying to move you on. You need to understand why you feel the way you do, you then need to consider ways of approaching your problems and fears and move on from there.

When push comes to shove, it will be you with various suggestions from the therapist who will approach problems and sort them out you are being given a resource to help you work out your needs. You need to pick up the flag and run with it to the finishing line where you will feel well once more. You need that confidence that only you can apply with above assistance. Eventually they will move you on. Start now not later

Good Luck

BOB

[pink318]

Hi- I’m very sorry to hear you are facing a tough time. Please don’t quit, you are not wasting anyone’s time.

If emails don’t work, I hope journalling would work for you. Just write everything down, pour out your emotions then if possible let the therapists read it instead of you reading it. You are in my prayers, I hope things will get better for you. Please keep us posted. Sorry about your struggles, please don’t give up. God bless.