Hey, Im new here and a little very unsure.

[photographyhoop]

Hey, I am not really sure how this works but I am new here in need of somewhere I can look to where someone gets it. I have anxiety, I figured out that I had anxiety a few years ago however I have been unable to go out and get support mainly due to the fact that how I present myself to the world is as a confident, super chilled person. Not exactly the truth but um...I have started to ramble a bit here. This step is very big for me as usually I chicken out before clicking the sign up button. As mentioned before I am not too sure how this all works but I thought why not just jump in and get a post in.

In my family this subject is sort of ignored so as to not draw attention to the situation. I am not the only one who suffers from anxiety however I am the only one who sees the need to speak out about what I have and what that means. The subject of therapy is very taboo, therapists are not liked by my family and I guess that is why I am on here to and not in an office with a couch. I am hoping to maybe get around to starting therapy, maybe. So, if anyone has any influential words they wouldn't mind passing along my way I would love to hear them. Thanks

[Agora1]

Welcome photographyhoop, in taking that step forward. We get it

Anxiety doesn't like us on this forum because as we learn more about

this bully, he loses his credibility. "Anxious" may be our middle name but

not forever. Come join us as we share our journey with anxiety. Winning

is an option, giving up never is. xx

[photographyhoop in reply to Agora1]

I love that about Anxiety losing his power as we speak and open up x

[Calm_mama in reply to photographyhoop]

Agora speaks the truth. You have already started on your healing journey!!

[Needtovent]

Welcome to the group. No real way things work other than supporting one another. You’ll see some have been here a while and have gotten to know one another. Some are in and out. I’m fairly new but have found some nice support. Just take in what you can so you don’t get overwhelmed. No expectations.

Amongst my siblings, anxiety and such was never discussed much and if it was, it was taboo. My dad had significant issues which effected us all differently. As an adult it took me some time to be able to recognize my own issues and feel comfortable getting help. Here I am close to 60, my husband finally gets it, and well, it’s still pretty much a non discussion point with sibs. Had lunch recently with a sister and opened up. It was uncomfortable for her but I didn’t care. Our discussions are always centered on her so I figured what the heck. A week later she called for another matter, but actually asked how I was doing and how my first therapy session went. That was huge! Let us know how we can support you.

[photographyhoop in reply to Needtovent]

This has lifted a small weight from me. Just reading that eventually people close to you started to understand is amazing! Also, thank you. Just knowing that someone out there understands and that there is a path forward, that things move on and that I am not the only one in this situation is already helping so much

[Needtovent in reply to photographyhoop]

Every little bit helps. Willing to chat further when you are ready to seek out a therapist. I’ve had good and not so good, so be aware that if it doesn’t feel right or helpful, it probably isn’t either. Curious, in your post, are you referring to your birth family (parents and sibs) or your adult family (spouse and children)?

[photographyhoop in reply to Needtovent]

My birth family. I am 17 and living with my parents / younger siblings who have their own struggles with mental health and everything else. I hope you don't mind me asking but therapy, is it something that works and is beneficial? As I mentioned therapy is taboo in my family (close and extended) so I have only been told of all the times it went wrong.

[Needtovent in reply to photographyhoop]

I was just a bit older than you when I went for the first time. I was a freshman in college and sought help from their clinic. My therapist was a student himself. I believe it is helpful 1) if you are willing to do the work of introspection on you life’s events and how they have played into your current anxiety status. 2) secure the ‘right’ therapist for you. If #1 seems like something you can do, I suggest looking for someone who utilizes cognitive behavioral therapy. As you recognize and identify patterns of behavior, you will have ‘homework’ to practice changing your response to situations.

On another level, we are all wired differently, so seperate from our life experiences, some of us experience anxiety from a neurological level. In these instances, there are other ‘tools’ we can use. Meds are one, and learning to retrain our nervous system is another. I’ve used the first two (therapy and medication) with some degree of success - and NOT continually by any means, and am now working on the third.

Believe me, anxiety doesn’t have to define us, but I’ve learned to accept that it is a part of my life.

[Needtovent in reply to Needtovent]

I wonder if you’ve been told of ‘all the times it went wrong’ because of their unfortunate bad experiences. As I said my dad had issues and any time I tried to get him help, he refused because of his bad experiences. I personally refused to accept that as fact and was fortunate to have a good first experience.

[JEG325 in reply to Needtovent]

Have I invited you to join one of my chatlines, my friend?

[Needtovent in reply to JEG325]

I don’t think so Jeg. I’m still fairly new here. Feel free to include me. Is there a standing time commitment?

[JEG325 in reply to Needtovent]

No. The chatlines are open 24/7 and you can talk on them as long as someone is there to talk back to you. I do have a writing group that has a standard meeting time. It meets M-W-F from 7 to 9pm EST. I am the moderator/admin for my chat sites and my writing group. Though I have problems of my own sometimes, I try to be available as much as I can. I will add you to Circle Of Friends 2B immediately. I am there talking to one of my long time friends right now.

[Calm_mama in reply to photographyhoop]

Therapy can be "not helpful" some times and on rare occasion it can actually "go wrong", as in, more harm comes from it than good, but this is rare IMO. I have found that therapy is overwhelmingly helpful for most people.

If you don't have a "good fit" for any reason with a therapist, find another

[Calm_mama]

Hi photographyhoop!

Welcome and congrats for clicking the "send" button!

Are you a teen? There are lots of teens here- you will see how not alone you are

I am a huge advocate of therapy. Personally, I like both 1:1 therapy and group therapy. I think it would be great if you could find a way to get it all started!

I have my favorite resources on my profile, you can check them out if you like. Amazing people here, so many pearls of wisdom. Welcome again and I look forward to hearing your updates!

[photographyhoop in reply to Calm_mama]

I am yes, I am 17. I hope to start therapy but it is difficult to get through my family.

[Calm_mama in reply to photographyhoop]

Ah yes- getting therapy is hard at your age w/o parent buy-in!

If you want some suggestions-

- you could sit your parents down and be very assertive. Tell them, "I know myself and I need this. It will help me. I need your support." Very likely your family's insurance will cover all/most of the cost.

- If that's not possible, go see your doc (you should have a doc visit anyway with anxiety just to make sure all is well from a medical standpoint - most therapists will insist on it before starting therapy) and tell him/her what's going on and that you need help getting therapy. Yes, tricky b/c your parents will get the bill for a visit...

- Planned parenthood offers sliding scale primary care and some mental health services and referrals. If you want to keep this totally away from your family, they are obligated to maintain confidentiality. Sliding scale means "very cheap"

- School counselor or Social Worker? Perhaps they can offer therapy and/or get your hooked up with the right resources in the community

- many teaching hospital/medical centers offer free therapy. You have to call the medical school dept of psychiatry and ask if they have a resident's program for psych services. These programs offer free psychiatry and psychology because the med students and residents are learning (overseen by experienced attending physicians)

psycom.net/how-to-find-affo...

Keep us posted? I applaud you for reaching out and getting the help you need!!

[photographyhoop in reply to Calm_mama]

This might seem like an odd question, but how can you consciously go to a therapist and then say no, this isn't working for me. Even just the thought of that terrifies me; the thought of saying no and walking away from it.

[Calm_mama in reply to photographyhoop]

That's not an odd question at all!

"The assertive personality is the healthiest of all the personalities..."

You know who taught me that? A brilliant therapist

You get your needs met in life by practicing being assertive. It doesn't come naturally to many people- they have to practice. A LOT. Then it becomes natural.

To be honest, at your age, I was not the least bit assertive. If I had a relationship of any kind that I wanted out of , I would do immature, passive things like "ghosting". I was not healthy like I feel I am now. I'm 51, though You are young and have time to grow but I do think the time to start is now. I would have been spared so many years of uncomfortable feelings and thoughts if I'd started on my journey sooner! I hope you can get in to see a good therapist you connect with. you'll learn so much about yourself, why you do the things you do, how your mind works, how to make behavioral changes that support the changes in thinking and feeling (As needtovent said, this is CBT) to bring confidence, resilience, courage, peace...

In the meantime, check out Dr. Weekes' stuff if you are so inclined. She has books and great (free) videos online. She understood anxiety (and the inevitable depression it brings) better than anyone.

[JEG325]

Hi, PGH, I am JEG325 and I can help a bit more. I sponsor several chatlines where people oif ages communicate as sort of a family within the family here. These chatlines are small 12 to 17 people and each group becomes sort of an exteneded family. All I have to do is add your username and presto! You have a whole new small group of friends to talk to. If you want in, let me know. Circle Of Friends 2B is our most active group and Circle Of Friends 5 is just now forming. It's completely up to you. If you decide you would like to be a part of this new, small family, I will walk you through our extremely easy joining procedures. Soon you'll have someone to talk to whenever you need. Okay? Have a blessed day, my friend!

[Sad_Sausan in reply to JEG325]

That sounds interesting!

[JEG325 in reply to Sad_Sausan]

SS, if you read my explanation to PGH, I will only have to make it once. You both could join right away. Okay? That explanation right below this conversation. Okay?

[JEG325 in reply to Sad_Sausan]

The invitation below is for you too. If you say yes, you can join immediately. Hope to hear from you soon....JEG325

[photographyhoop in reply to JEG325]

How does this work?

[JEG325 in reply to photographyhoop]

It's pretty simple. I add your username to the chatline. When you are talking there only you and the people you are talking to can see your words. Since it operates from my own private thread (called a pm) it is pretty secure. Anyway, once I add your name, the chat button (top of screen, right side) will light up as soon as the chatline is active. Simply tap it and then click onto the chatline that's alerting you. If there are 2 or more chatlines then simply pick the the one you want and click on. It is free, I moderate it closely to prevent unsavory activity but, otherwise as long as someone is there you can talk. I am available quite often myself if you need to talk. You can be on several chatlines if you want. Like I said, 2B is the most active one. 5 is the new one that is being formed. We do not discriminate for any reason. We will be glad to be a small, exteneded family of friends you can communicate with on a regular basis. If you say yes, I will add you and Sad_Sausan to 2B and 5. I can add you to several other chatlines too upon request. We also have a small writing group that meets M-W-F 7 to 9pm EST. That special group is open to anyone who is intersted in attending the meetings. I'd like to see both of you there because more friends is always a good thing! If you say yes, I will add you right away. Okay?

[Sad_Sausan in reply to JEG325]

I'm up for it, feel free to add me :).

[photographyhoop in reply to JEG325]

Sign me up. It's sounds good.

[SirGrits]

Hey photographyhoop, hang in there man. I agree with the consensus of comments thusfar. Check out CBT, see if you can get to a therapist. You can do both of those things simultaneously. I suffered mightily from insomnia. By the grace of God, I mostly self-treated. At the root was anxiety, and researching then putting into practice CBT ideas got things leveled off.

I will give one bit of pre-advice. If your parents are resistant to your getting a therapist, be respectful of that. Worse case is that you wait them out and find something for yourself when you hit 18. Most importantly, don't let yourself take the stance of being a victim in that circumstance. A victim mindset will only exacerbate your anxiety.

[photographyhoop in reply to SirGrits]

Thank you :)) I am trying to not feel like a victim of the anxiety and everything but when it gets bad it can be difficult to not feel that way.

[lonlee1]

Welcome to the group. It is very supportive here. I joined last night while I was looking for the suicide hotline number. I just made a post of my current situation and before I fell asleep so many people responded and when I woke up, there were twice as many. Just start posting, that's all it takes. Happy you are here.