New Here: a little about me

[PinheadLarry]

Hi all! Male suffering from social anxiety and general anxiety. I talk to a therapist weekly, but things seem to have steadily gotten worse and it's impacting my day-to-day life in ways that make things hard. I've missed work a few times due to severe anxiety and not being able to cope with it. Along with panic attacks at work and a steady fear of having one in general, life has become more than a challenge. It has led to me questioning the point of everything, and why do I have this when I have a seemingly normal life with a supportive family. And why is it so hard to kick. Anxiety isn't new to me, but it becoming worse is causing me a great deal of distress. I struggle as well speaking about my issues and what might cause them with those close to me and often, I feel alone, even though I know others have it. I've started to become somewhat of a hermit in my social life, due to my fear of panic attacks, a fear of vulnerability and emotion and exposing it for all to see. Which brings me here. I'm willing to listen to what anybody has to say or offer. I really just want to know I'm not alone and that there's a path forward to better days. I just want to have a fulfilling life with people I care about and to do that without a constant struggle daily.

[LoveforAll41]

Welcome Mr. Larry! I am so glad that you have support and are going to therapy. It can be incredibly hard to express emotions and get 'real' with people. Have you talked to people at work about this? I hope you feel like you can and maybe you will actually find allies in HR.

I feel like the ART (an accelerated for of EMDR) helped me with work anxiety. I feel like understanding why work can make us so anxious (money, earning worth, fear of failure, etc.) helps us get to work where we can get there and get the nice exposure therapy of going to work with these emotions. I for one feel the real cure is acceptance and can be found in the work of Claire Weeks and Dr. David Burns. I always recommend his book "Feeling Great".

At the very least I can tell you that you are not alone. I have good times and bad times where I wish I was dead. I had a period of enlightenment at the beginning of this year though, and it was incredible. I am working to get back to it.

Currently I am working on compassion with the works of Kristin Neff. I know Brene Brown has a lot of work on vulnerability too. I think you'd be surprised with the empathy you are met with if you can open up to those around you about your struggles. If they are judgemental you have just learned not to open up to that person 🤷‍♂️. We all have our baggage, may we support each other to be strong enough to carry or discard it. You are you Larry, and that is the best. ☮️

[PinheadLarry in reply to LoveforAll41]

Thank you for the kind words and advice. No, I haven't told anybody at work what I'm dealing with, for a multitude of reasons. Unsure who to trust with that info, especially in a work environment where there's a stigma of being macho. And because I just have a hard time speaking about it in general and the emotions it brings to the surface. And it's good to know I'm not alone, even though I wish nobody had to deal with this.

[worthytobeloved in reply to LoveforAll41]

Lovely reply!

[Agora1]

Hi Larry, Welcome to a caring and understanding community. Feeling Alone? By far

you are not. I've been there. I've experienced the shame and venerability of not accepting

invitations to family occasions for the fear of the "what ifs". Either way being at home or

out, we are always on guard wondering if and when this can happen again. The thought

alone is enough to bring on the anticipation of yet another episode coming on and how

we will react. Once we get into this mode of "fight or flight", all systems are "go" both

physically and mentally.

I want you to know that after struggling for some time looking for answers, I found the

key. As "LoveforAll41" stated it was Acceptance. Acceptance that the fear is not real.

It is coming from the lies my brain is telling me.

This is a great community of virtual friends who will share their journey with you..

As you read Posts and Responses, you will find suggestions that may work for you as

well. Take what may help and delete the rest. We are all different in how we respond.

When the time is right and you are ready, you too will find your way to an amazing life

once again. Believe me, it was worth every step I took to finally reach my goal.

Life is Good Believe in that. xx

[jikreamer in reply to Agora1]

Welcome Larry, Have you considered medication? Maybe your therapist can recommend a good psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse practitioner. There's also many online options as well for medication management. I know for some people meds have been a life changer for them. good luck going forward friend.

[Worrier1960 in reply to jikreamer]

Larry, this is very good advice. Meds won't "cure" you, but with proper guidance from a medical professional, they can take the edge off and allow you to function normally.

[worthytobeloved in reply to Agora1]

Fantastic reply - thank you!

[sandyshore]

PinheadLarry you are certainly not alone. You share the same condition as 25 million Americans. There is a spectrum to anxiety/panic/depression with those severely affected unable to get out of bed to those who have learned to accept the condition and live their lives. I have been where you are and I can certainly understand the fear ,frustration and depression you are living each day. You WILL feel better. It takes time. Continue the therapy . Consider medication prescribed by a psychiatrist ( There are online options for this). Daily exercise and proper sleep are very important. Read Claire Weeks "Hope and help for your nerves" . Keep a daily journal and write down 3 things you are grateful for each day. Slowly you will feel better as you accept the anxiety and learn to live with it. . Have faith. Anxiety and depression can be controlled and you CAN live your life.

[designguy]

Hello Pinhead, I had social anxiety for years and recovered so it is definitely possible to do and have a fulfilling life. Basically social anxiety is based on maladaptive thinking and your perceptions of yourself and how others perceive you is distorted and flawed. My suggestion is for you to find a therapist that specializes in treating social anxiety, they will typically incorporate group and exposure therapy as well as teaching you new ways to think. i tried working with a few general therapists which helped some but finally realized what I was really dealing with was social anxiety and they weren't helpful for it. The other thing for me was realizing I was also dealing with c-ptsd/trauma from growing up in a emotionally repressive/abusive household and being bullied as a kid which led to my social anxiety. I was holding a lot of shame and had repressed rage and anger that needed to be processed so I found a therapist that specialized in treating c-ptsd/trauma and worked with him which really helped. So getting clear about why and how you developed SA can be very helpful for recovery. There wasn't a social anxiety specialist near me at the time so I did a home study program which helped but would have preferred to work in person with a specialist. If there isn't a specialist near you, you might check out Sebastiaan at social-anxiety-solutions.com he has good information and what looks like a good program he is also on youtube. Another thing that was helpful for me was learning that anxiety is a paradox, the more you fight, deny, out think it or struggle with it the more it persists so the solution is surrendering and becoming ok with being uncomfortable. I found the DARE Anxiety book and youtube videos very helpful and like their proactive approach to it. You may also be dealing with perfectionism as I was, it's common with social anxiety and if so it will help to address that issue, there is a lot of good info on youtube about healing that. Hope some of this helps.

[worthytobeloved in reply to designguy]

Oh wow - thank you for all the helpful info you gave in your post. It will help me too! xxx

[designguy in reply to worthytobeloved]

You're very welcome, let me know if you have any questions.

[designguy in reply to worthytobeloved]

I wanted to add that a big "ah ha" moment for me was realizing that people actually liked me and enjoyed my company even the people I worked with. With my social anxiety I had thought people didn't like me and the reality was just the opposite.

[worthytobeloved]

Hi! Yes, it seems unbelievable when one has such a low self-esteem that people actually like the real you! I found that as soon as I started to be honest about my insecurities. It's like ... they warm to the real, imperfect you, not the 'perfect' you you try to portray! It's still hard to get over one's fears and lack of self-worth, though.