New here and need support

[amyo40]

I just found this forum and have read several posts. I feel the same as so many of you have written! We moved to a new house out of town in the country 9 months ago and I came down with awful anxiety and depression at the end of May. It was like I just woke up from a dream and didn’t know how we got to this place and why I ever thought it would be a good idea to move from my home of 10 years and my family, friends and neighbors!!! I am so lonely and isolated and miserable! I hate the house and being out in the country! The anxiety is killing me waking me up and then the depression set in and is awful. Can anyone give me any encouragement that this will get better? I started Zoloft 4 weeks ago and am going to a counselor but not much relief....would it be crazy for me to ask my husband to move back!!?

[kenster1]

hi welcome to the community sorry to hear of your struggles countryside is great to a certain extent but folk do tend to miss the hustle and bustle of town/city life.do you drive if so go into town maybe join an activity group of some sort maybe you will make new friends.if your husband knows of your suffering then maybe he could consider it but if he works then he would have to relocate again maybe.how are the kids have they settled and made new friends.

[amyo40 in reply to kenster1]

We actually moved farther from his work (and mine too) and I would love to go back to the neighborhood where we were which is back closer to family/friends and work. My kids (7&9 years) are doing well with the move but I feel they could be fine anywhere...kids seem to adjust to change better than us adults 🥺. I just want to know that this anxiety and depression will get better and go away! I feel that it is situational and that if I moved then I would feel better again...if I could be back around people and not so isolated...is that believing a lie?

[kenster1 in reply to amyo40]

if you are working maybe you a meet up maybe every second Saturday/sunday for an hour or two maybe get the kids joining a group that maybe you could go along to and meet new friends as well.i love being in the countryside for walks would love to stay but cant drive.are you artistic being in the countryside gets the mind creative maybe you could joining art classes.your move seems pretty recent but I hope it really does improve.

[CatIsMyCopilot in reply to amyo40]

I struggle with something similar. I had my first anxiety attack after I voluntarily quit my job in order to start working remotely. I am working remotely now, bit both changes were very difficult for me, and I've dealt with a lot of anxiety attacks and depression. I feel lonely, as you do.

I will say from my experience, things did get better as I learned to cope with the anxiety better. Things evened out a bit with time, though I still feel anxious and deal with mild depression. I still wonder if I would do better with things if I switched back to working in an office, with more social interaction, bit I believe that learning to cope with the anxiety better had been worthwhile. It has given me a basis to feel like I could handle finding a new job. In the deepest moments of my anxiety, I felt I couldn't work at all, even in a new job.

Basically, I think you should do all you can to deal with your anxiety where you are. I think this will help you when/if you decide to make the move back to town.

[amyo40 in reply to CatIsMyCopilot]

What are some good coping strategies for anxiety that you could share? I just want to go crawl in bed and sleep when it hits

[CatIsMyCopilot in reply to amyo40]

I am weird, I guess, because I when I'm anxious I usually feel really antsy, like I have to be up and about. I don't really get relief from staying in bed and sleeping, which is good and bad, I guess. I realized that running around and trying to always stay busy was a self-protective measure that was only making my anxiety worse.

Mostly what helped was to learn better techniques to apply when I was having high anxiety / anxiety attacks, and then (unfortunately) to just work through lots of anxiety attacks and get experience to know they don't kill me.

If you haven't yet, you can check out a couple of self-help books. My favorites:

amazon.com/Hope-Help-Nerves...

amazon.com/Worry-Trick-Brai...

The author of the latter one also has a site with some really good information, regarding anxiety, not so much depression:

anxietycoach.com/anxietytri...

[sweetiepye]

Is it possible your husband is feeling the same way ? That might make a difference to you in staying or going. You haven't been there long enough to feel an attachment so your former home probably looks more desirable . Have you made friends yet or become involved in community activities . May be you could invite friends or family for country weekends and still involve them in your life. Your anxiety is probably stress induced and once you make a decision it could dissipate . I was also thinking you must have found the country attractive enough to up sticks. Remind yourself of what drew you to the area initially . Moving is high on the list of things that stress people out so perhaps time is the answer. Pam

[amyo40 in reply to sweetiepye]

I have thought that if we decide to move back I would begin to feel better because there would be an “end in sight”. I don’t know how true that is...

I don’t feel an attachment here yet you are correct....I just worry I won’t ever feel that because I’m overwhelmed with everything right now...

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Making another move before your meds are stable and your counseling has progressed may not be the best answer. We lost our house to foreclosure and had to quit our jobs early (we were reaching retirement age) so we could declare bankruptcy. I was depressed in the home we moved to so we looked for another place. At the same time, I started counseling and meds. Was formally diagnosed with Major Depression/Anxiety Disorder (that includes clinical component). Never found a substitute home but the meds and counseling are working and I FINALLY think I see a light at end of tunnel. And I like we’re we live. If you really do have mental disorder, a geographic cure may not work. I know the struggle. I send positive energy your way.

[amyo40 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thank you for the encouragement. I am hoping that once my meds and counseling begin to help I can see myself here but right now that seems so impossible to me...I hope that you are right and I can like it here for my husband and kids sake.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to amyo40]

You may end up moving anyway but at least you’ll do it with a treated brain. Take it a day at a time and find whatever sights and sounds of nature you might like. I moved from a neighborhood to six acres in the country. Culture shock indeed but I began to enjoy roosters in the morning, the brightness of the stars and the exploration of a new area. I became a place of escape from the stressors of work. But that was before the depression anxiety got so bad. And I understand the feelings about no caring about anything. And that suffering is a bitch. Take care of yourself, keep up meds and therapy and have whatever minimal faith you can muster - a moment at a time. This too shall pass. And if/when you’re able try baby steps to do something selfless for someone (kids, husband, coworkers etc).

[EleanorRose]

A link to this article appeared on my social media earlier and reminded me of your post. I’ve just scrolled through the forum to find you, thought this may be of interest to you. blurtitout.org/2019/08/08/m...

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to EleanorRose]

Great article with fabulous perspective.

[amyo40 in reply to EleanorRose]

Thank you...very pertinent for where I am right now!!!