new and unsure...

[wjaysn]

hey, i'm not really sure what to type here because i'm honestly a really really closed off person and surprised i even decided to sign up for this in the first place. i've been struggling with depression and anxiety for years now but have an unusual backstory and i kind of currently don't have the funds or resources to get proper help, so i've been trying to do other coping mechanisms just to get through the day. lately, things have been getting increasingly difficult for me because my husband has bipolar disorder and is in law school and i recently graduated and am struggling trying to get my career started so i just. i'm not really sure what i'm trying to ask or find here, i just feel really lost and alone and want to try and be productive instead of spending a good 15 hours of my day in bed doing nothing. this is an awful post, i'm sorry. i guess i'm just looking for some guidance on how i should go about this before it gets worse.

[Kkimm]

Hi

It is not an awful post, it expresses very well the desparation you are feeling.

Depression and anxiety are really hard to deal with. You are at the start of trying to find a way forward in your career whilst having to struggle with your conditions as well as support your partner. You have a massive amount to deal with and perhaps you are so overwhelmed that staying in bed seems to be the only option.

When I became very ill with GAD and depression nearly two years ago I found that I needed the support of antidepressants before I could start to recover. However if you feel that is not an option for you that is fine, it is certainly possible to recover without them. I also found that I had to work with the antidepressants if they were to work at all.

Making sure I took a little step forward every day was essential. I needed to do this despite all the horrendous symptoms. However ill I felt I would make myself get up for at least a good part of the day and do a little challenge. I would do it however I felt and not feel down if it made me feel worse. Then I could feel good that I had done it and do something relaxing I enjoyed, even if only to crawl back into bed again. I could tell myself I was getting better and on the road to recovery. If there were some days when I could not do it, that was fine, it was just a blip and I would be back on the road to recovery soon.

It might help to make a plan with something small to achieve every day rather than feeling so overwhelmed that you do not know where to start.

You can do it, you and your partner have a great life ahead of you.

My very best wishes.

Kim

[wjaysn in reply to Kkimm]

hi kim!

thank you for this, it helped me sort out a bit of my thoughts and feelings. i think my problem is that i get a little impatient and unforgiving with myself? especially since my mom is so successful with that type a tough love personality so i kind of learned from an early age that i need to do well in everything immediately or else i'm a failure. so when i get into these mindsets and i'm trying to get through all these difficult tasks, it makes me so frustrated when i feel like nothing is working and i end up feeling worse. but i think you're right that i need to focus on the little victories and give myself smaller tasks to complete so that i don't end up dwelling on all the things i haven't accomplished.

i'm also ridiculously stubborn when it comes to reaching out and it's cost me a lot of friendships, strained familial relationships and even with my partner, i find myself kind of pushing him away because i never want to exacerbate what he has.. especially when he's going through an episode. i'm starting to get a little upset thinking about it lol. i just need to try and find a way to direct myself towards positive thinking but it's tough.

thank you for the encouragement though! and i wish you all the best too

[Hidden]

Hi and welcome !

I found being here really useful.

Learning how to manage things really helps, and being here means we are around those who have similar struggles and finding out how they manage can give us a great insight to things we perhaps didn’t think of ...

For me keeping an open mind were possible helps, as it means I will try things that may help and sometimes it means persevering 😩

Mindfulness is great but it is another thing that takes time ..I’ve never found any quick fixes ..we are all quite unique and Individual, but here we do find similarities in how we feel..

I’m glad you found us xxx

[wjaysn in reply to Hidden]

hi, thank you!

i'm really hoping it could give me that support i've been yearning for a while now. i guess i'm trying to figure out how exactly do i manage all these things in my life without getting so frustrated and upset with myself. i'm trying to keep an open mind and i want to give different coping mechanisms and treatments a try just in case i find something that works, i'm just a little scared. i still have that stigmatized mentality that if i go and get help then i'm admitting there's something wrong with me and then it spirals until all nonsense i know isn't true. but i'm going to try my best to snap out of it! thank you though! xx

[Hidden in reply to wjaysn]

Being here is a good thing ..reading posts and interacting. 😊

It’s a great start ! X

[Kayleexoxochurch]

Feeling lost and alone is one of the worst feelings in the world. I totally understand where you are coming from, I am feeling the same way unfortunately. Feel free to send me a message!

[wjaysn in reply to Kayleexoxochurch]

it really is the worst ever. thank you though and i'll definitely do that! because i think i just need someone to talk to that gets it.