Hey, I'm Josh, 18 years old and will soon turn 19. I guess I have been suffering from anxiety and depression since about the age of eleven or twelve. My father is in the military and we move around a lot, so that may just be a factor of my depression with having really no friends. My anxiety and depression has made it extremely difficult for me to go out and socialize when every second I think everyone I pass up on the street is whispering about me or plotting something nefarious behind my back. I can't even comprehend how i'm able to still go to work almost everyday. Maybe it's because I don't wan't my family or anyone to notice, I don't know.
School has been another difficult subject for me. Technically, I should have gotten my diploma a year ago, but I always put it off. Good thing I attend online schooling where you can work at your own pace or I would have been kicked out or something. Of course, I know that this is an extremely important point in my life and I want to hurry up and finish so that I can move on. I pop it up on my computer, ready to knock out a class and then.... Nothing.
A few months back, I recently joined a church and met some very nice people there. Most things started looking up for me, I was happy, joyful, I smiled more often then I ever did or could have. I was finally somewhat content until the depression and anxiety kicked back in. I didn't have it in me to go or really care that much anymore, but I still go. I guess now I really push myself to get up on that Sunday morning and attend, though it feels as if everyone is constantly judging me or unapproachable and I know it's all in my head. My family thinks that i'm just mostly lazy, but I really do want to go out and have fun, make some friends, meet a nice girl and live my life. Regardless of all of this, I wear a fake smile and pretend that i'm okay.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to hear me out. Sorry if it's too long.