Depression and Pregnancy

[BlueCat89]

My husband wants to have a baby and I am honestly quite terrified of the whole ordeal. But what I'm more afraid of is how my anxiety and depression with worsen. Is there anyone out there that can give me tips? Is it safe to stay on medication?

[Hidden]

Does he know you aren't too keen on the idea? If you don't want a baby, you don't have to have one. He's not the one carrying it for 9 months, you know? Try talking through options with him? I don't have the big picture, so I don't know what your exact situation is. Good luck!

[BlueCat89 in reply to Hidden]

I'm more terrified of child birth and how to hold an infant lol. I'm also scared of having to stop any medication that I am on.

[maggief9812]

Ugh. Right in my feelings. I want kids. I want to have kids that are genetically mine and my husband’s. I want to want to bear his children. I am straight terrified of the whole ordeal.

I guess the answer for me is to just jump in headfirst, so to speak, because I know I do want the rest of it. It’s just pregnancy is scary, health and physical experience wise.

[Worrywort626 in reply to maggief9812]

Yes, scary indeed. I never would have faced that fear without being pushed, to some extent. I look back now and can’t believe how well I did. It’s been harder raising the kids than growing them in my belly!

[BlueCat89 in reply to Worrywort626]

So you think that raising them is harder than child birth?

[Worrywort626 in reply to BlueCat89]

Yes. Birth is fleeting. Raising children is much more taxing and is constant. It’s made me stronger, for sure.

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to Worrywort626]

I agree. This is such good advice. It's so true!

[BlueCat89 in reply to maggief9812]

I'm scared to death of child birth and holding an infant lol.

[Worrywort626 in reply to BlueCat89]

I was the same way. Absolutely terrified. I thought everything would go wrong. While my first birth wasn’t ideal, I didn’t react how I thought I would and everyone was healthy. It turned out just fine.

[Worrywort626]

Been there, got the t-shirt. I saw a psychiatrist before I became pregnant. He advised I stay on Zoloft. “Safer” than Paxil, I’m told, when pregnant. I had my first child at 26 and my second at 29. No issues during or thus far. I was terrified of everything going wrong and was highly sensitive to every ailment. My husband is 4 years older than me and told me he wanted to start having kids by the time he turned 30. I felt so much pressure and faced the fear. Stay in therapy if you can and on your meds, if instructed by your doctor. I tried going off my meds very slowly, under my doctor’s care, and simply couldn’t function without them. Round the clock anxiety and panic attacks. Take your time. There’s no rush. It’s super important to put your needs first.

[BlueCat89 in reply to Worrywort626]

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow so I will definitely ask about my medications then. Thank you!!!

[JDog2000 in reply to Worrywort626]

If you don't mind me asking, Did you stay on Zoloft the rest of all your pregnancies, and if so how many mg. And is everybody OK?

[Worrywort626 in reply to JDog2000]

Yes, I did. 50mg, I believe. Everybody is okay so far! No birth defects, no health issues at all, actually. Now, I just have to wait and see if they develop anxiety like I did.

[Weeniedoglady]

I honestly was starting to think i was the only woman in the world terrified of pregnancy! I empathize with how you're feeling. My doc said some medications are safe (escitalopram) like I'm on. He says millions of women have had babies on antidepressants so they're out there and it goes ok I'm assuming! Work with your doc. And let your husband know you'll need a lot of support. Good luck to you

[BlueCat89]

Thank you so much for replying! I'm not sure which I'm more scared of, the possibility of not being on my medication, child birth, or holding a baby while it can't hold it's own head up lol. But thank you!!!!!!

[Jvicks]

I am a mother of a 1.5 and 4 year old. I also suffer from a postpartum mood disorder. I have not recovered yet. Little guy is 2 next month. It’s so hard, but with proper care from a psychiatrist and obgyn, you can have a healthy pregnancy. I could still have kids myself. There are so many meds that are safe. If you want a baby, it may be difficult, but worth it too!

[BlueCat89 in reply to Jvicks]

I've heard of postpartum, another fear of mine. What is it like? Is there any medication that you are on to help?

[Jvicks in reply to BlueCat89]

I have postpartum depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. It’s typical symptoms of the disorders. It’s overwhelming honestly. My meds help some. I go to therapy too. Just keep pushing forward.

[BlueCat89 in reply to Jvicks]

I'm sorry to hear that... is it manageable? Worth it?

[Jvicks in reply to BlueCat89]

This is only my experience. Others have it different. My son was worth it but, not this condition. I have been hospitalized several times, one suicide attempt, I self harm, have possible chronic suicidal thoughts, severe depression and anxiety. Sometimes I just sit on the couch, staring all day. So many know how it feels.

Since treatment I have seen so much progress. I feel better weeks at a time. It varies. I don’t have enough support. That makes it harder. Kids took a toll on my 13 year strong marriage. Something to watch too.

I don’t know if I would do it again, but I don’t see PPD as a reason to give up being a parent. ❤️

[BlueCat89 in reply to Jvicks]

Thank you so much for your advice. And I honestly, truly mean that. Do you mind if I follow you and occasionally reach out?

[Jvicks in reply to BlueCat89]

Please contact me whenever you need to talk.

[BlueCat89 in reply to Jvicks]

Thank you

[faulhallen]

I’m really not in any position to tell you what to do but if it’s ok I’d like you to encourage you to try and make sure that a rift doesn’t develop between you and your husband regardless of what you decide to do about having a child.

I didn’t read all the comments but don’t be discouraged because you’re afraid of holding a baby. It’s easier than you think and you’ll develop a sort of second nature towards it that will make the anxiety easier to bear. I can’t speak about the fear of childbirth....

What I can say though is that my ex took antidepressants before she was pregnant but I don’t think she was a truly severe case like I am. She seemed fine during pregnancy and then afterwards got horrible postpartum depression and completely shut me out, pushed me away, or even seemed to try and hurt me for nearly 2 years when she got pregnant again, did better for a while then it started over. She finally started acting better and according to her it was because she found such a high and effective dosage of antidepressants that it made her numb and she preferred being numb to being miserable. I’m honestly not sure that being utterly ignored 24/7 and refused any affection whatsoever was an improvement over the alternative...

I can’t say if what she claims is true or not but I can tell you that I spent nearly our entire 10 year marriage absolutely miserable and becoming increasingly suicidal because I couldn’t bear to leave my children.

Please be aware of your emotions and your mental state. If your husband is loving and supportive help each other lift each other up. There may be a compromise you both can live with such as adoption. Remember you’re supposed to be partners working together for the happiest future you can manage.

I wish you the best of luck and I’m sorry if this wasn’t any help. My mind hasn’t been quite right this week.

[BlueCat89 in reply to faulhallen]

This was actually a ton of help and very eye-opening to hear from the male side of it. I also fear that my mental state will affect him negatively. I'm really just trying to decide if having a baby is worth the risk. He thinks it is, but told me that if I didn't want to he was fine with it. Although I do know that if I change my mind and decide not to, it will upset him. It's just very confusing. I know I don't want to ever make him sad or miserable but my depression is severe without the postpartum that I will more than likely suffer from.

[Godislove_46]

Hello friend. This is definitely a huge decision that you both should sit down and seriously discuss together. I would suggest consulting with your PCP doctor on the safety precautions regarding medications prior to getting pregnant. I personally would reconsider bringing an innocent child into this world we all suffer in today. Dealing with depression and anxiety is a full-time job and having a child will not make this disorder any easier on you or your husband. You want to provide the best environment for a child so they can grow and be a gift to society and others. I wish you the best and pray that you will pray on what's best for you and your family. You may even want to consider a puppy first.

[BlueCat89 in reply to Godislove_46]

I agree, I am going to the doctor tomorrow and I am going to ask her all of the in's and out's and her opinion on the matter. We've grown close over the years and she will tell me if it's a terrible idea or not. Thank you for your input! believe it or not, it is helpful!

[Sunnidayz1]

Hi.

Your thoughts on pregnancy and the fear of it is totally valid. I understand- I dont know one first time mom who doesnt have these fears of pregnancy and taking care of an infant!

But just bc you have the fears doesnt mean it's a totally wrong thing for you to do! You have those fears bc it's a totally new experience, out of your comfort zone, but that's where it ends.

Plus, there are medications you can take during pregnancy that are considered safe. I know a few pple who needed the meds and babies are happy n healthy.

[BlueCat89]

Thank you! I guess pregnancy is just scary in general and I have REALLY bad anxiety, so I always tend to make things 10x worse than what they already are. I'm also fearful of postpartum. I have MDD with bipolar tendencies and severe anxiety and I am just afraid it's going to get worse and ruin my marriage.

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to BlueCat89]

You can do it if you take proper care of yourself. Get the right support, eat healthy, stay on your meds. A healthy pregnancy can still happen for you, you just need to make sure your health is your main priority. If you need to take meds- do it, if u need to do pregnancy yoga to calm the mind and/or walk- do it, if you need to be around other pregnant women to feel that your fears r valid- do it. If you need to talk to a therapist every week about this transition in life- do it. There are so many different resources. You can do this. Once you have the baby, have a plan. Have someone help you. Maybe a good friend or if u can affor a nanny or a relative. If u have a plan of action u will be fine. A therapist can help w sort that out too. You will be ok once u have the baby bc you'll be on meds. It happened to my friend. Shes pregnant w her 2nd now!

[BlueCat89]

Thank you! we definitely can't afford a nanny, but I can try to find a friend that wouldn't mind.

[Hidden]

Having a child was the biggest blessing in my life, when I was ready. I won't lie, the stresses and anxieties are higher when having to worry about another life and their happiness. Pregnancy and birth was a wonderful experience. But you have to be ready and pick the right time. Life is definitely more complicated now for sure.

[BlueCat89]

I'm almost 30 and I feel like I am ready to take that next step. I have a wonderful husband and his family is amazing. I'm just scared since I haven't been pregnant before, and my mental health has a tendency to be on the fritz sometimes.

[Hidden in reply to BlueCat89]

You'll be fine. See a doc to go over meds you can take. I think you'll find out that pregnancy is the happiest time in your life you will ever have. You get those happy endorfin hormones. Good luck and remember stress makes it more difficult to get pregnant.

[mlj6019]

Congratulations on becoming a mommy. It is a scary time because of the unknown. But what a true blessing the gift of a baby is. It’s ok to be scared. I’m sure you have been to the doctor by now and discussed the meds during pregnancy. I was put on Zoloft during the 3rd trimester and it helped me. Somehow it all works out in the end. I believe you will be fine and a loving mother and your baby will love you because you are their world. Read all you can and grow your confidence and try not to stress because your baby picks up on that. Try and relax and enjoy the experience. God bless.

[BlueCat89 in reply to mlj6019]

Thank You!