Anxiety and depression

[Startagain191]

I feel like I’m going completely insane my emotions are all over the place I can’t seem to control them but I’m constantly trying to keep it together for my children but it’s not helping when all I hear everyday is shouting over there games I feel like walking out no one would miss me my family are not the caring kind so I keep myself to myself I have no friends no one to understand what I’m feeling I’m just completely alone and I’m sick of trying to keep it together

[Hidden]

Hey there,

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling...emotions and feeling like you're going crazy definitely go hand in hand with anxiety and depression. It sounds like, based on some other posts I see and this post, that you and your family could benefit from more inclusive time. It doesn't have to be much...a movie, a board game, or something. While they are likely so immersed in their video games, social media, or whatever other electronic device has their attention, I don't believe they wouldn't miss your presence, especially as a mother. And, I absolutely empathize with the screaming, yelling, and the loudness....it hurts some of our anxious minds.

If they truly just don't want the family element after you've offered spending just a little family time each week or day, maybe it's time to branch out and find mother's in groups or hobbies that meet up routinely so you can make friends through things you enjoy. This, I think, would help you tremendously. Do you have any extended family members that you might be able to connect with? Just some thoughts.

Also, not to prod, are you taking any medication for your depression and anxiety? You seem to have a lot on your plate and I'm sure you could use some help with the depression, emotions, and anxiety through medication, mindfulness/meditation, or even a therapist. You should have the full support to be able to be the best version of yourself so that everyone, including yourself, benefits. I know things are tough with kiddos....there are times I don't know how us anxious/depressed folks do it, but we do...and I'm sure you are doing a tremendous job. Perhaps it's time to spend a little more time on yourself so you can find something enjoyable or even some free time (to relax, enjoy a hobby, a nice relaxing bath, whatever it is that might help) while your hubby takes over the kiddo duties.

Just some thoughts and I hope some may help you keep things together. I know it's not easy, but I am sending positive thoughts and vibes your way. It sounds like you could use some connectivity and time to relax your mind.

[Startagain191]

Hi thank you for your reply I have asked my children and also my partner to spend time watching a film or playing board games as they have many but there not interested at all my partner I can’t say is a very kind hearted man he does tend to like things to go his way and as I would love to go out and meet new people that is very hard for me as 6 years ago I had to under go a spine operation in which case they had messed up I’m now left with no L5 disk in my back and have no feeling in my right leg I’m in constant pain I’m also taking medication for my anxiety and depression as I have been since I was 7yrs old I’m also on nerve blocking pills for my back pain also diazepam and morphine on a daily basis I do try to explain and speak to my partner about how I’m feeling but he doesn’t believe in depression or anxiety he isn’t very helpful as when I had my operation I wasn’t meant to get out of bed for 8 weeks but I was out of bed cleaning up just after 2 weeks because my partner could not handle our children because of that it’s left me with many spine problems but each day I pull myself out of bed to make my children’s pack lunch for school I clean up do washing and everything a mother should do while crying in pain my partner I don’t feel care’s just as long as he don’t have to help me his only happy when his on his Xbox my family have never been a family I have been beaten by them in many occasions and police have been called out and I have been took to hospital because they have drinking problem’s so they don’t care who they take anything out on and in many cases it’s been me also my partner is the kind that don’t like me to go anywhere not even when I have a good day and feel like I could go for a walk he has to know where I am at all times and that’s due to him caring 😒 everything in my life hurts me and brakes my heart I can’t even remember what it feels like to be happy but everyday I carry on for my kids I just wish they would notice how much I do for them as they are old enough to do just about everything themselves but moan at me to do it I no longer have any fight left inside me I’ve been with my partner for 14teen years and to be honest I asked him to marry me a few days ago I felt nervous and silly but I asked him and as I looked up he just laughed at me and said no since then I’ve been doubting his true feelings for me sorry for going on about my life I understand many people have there own problems to cope with and don’t need to be reading about all of mine I’m very thankful for your reply kind Regard’s

[Hidden in reply to Startagain191]

Oh my, this is heart breaking. I am so sorry for everything you have been through. So much abuse and no attempts to even try to understand what you deal with. It's shocking and sad....especially his rebuke to your asking him to marry you. Not being able to recover properly from a spinal surgery....I cannot even imagine. While I would hope someone in your household would hold you in some kind regard, this is so unacceptable of your partner to set a poor example of how to treat a woman. If I can say one great thing to you, it's this: you go above and beyond as a mother, a woman, and a person for your family. I am sorry that they do not reciprocate by even spending a little time with their own partner and mother by even playing a simple game or watching a movie.

I don't want to slam the man you're with, but his lack of care for your health and complete manipulation of putting a "say so" of who you can be with and where....it is absolutely unacceptable and unhealthy. I would say leave this person, but I know it isn't that easy. A partner or husband should care for you when you aren't well and should allow you time for peace and quiet...or time to make friends. Especially putting the Xbox down to even try to value the woman who does literally everything to keep the household running. It breaks my heart to read all of this...truly. The physical abuse, drunk or not, is absolutely unacceptable. I cannot tell you how to live your life, but I have to wonder for you if maybe leaving him is better for you. No more abuse, no more manipulation, no more feeling depressed by an uninterested partner unless it concerns him. Just some food for thought because I have to say it appears you deserve better than this.

I can completely understand why you feel the way you do, but please realize there is hope in being valued, loved, and finding a way of life you enjoy. I'm hoping someone else chimes in on this to echo some of my thoughts or provide more validation that this partner of yours is not helping you at all. You can have a life with friends, your kids, and so much more. No abuse, no paranoid partner needing to know where you're going for a walk, and so on. For now, please keep in contact on here for support if you're not able to make friendships outwardly. We may not be faces you can see, but we are here to support you 100%. You deserve to hear that you are truly a great, strong person. Take care for now and you are absolutely welcome for the response. Feel free to message/post and I'll be sure to follow.

[Startagain191]

Thank you ever so much your message truly touched my heart in fact I had to hold the tears back from running down my face I’m thankful for everything you said and thank you for believing I’m a strong person if only I could see that in myself and also I’ve thought about leaving my partner but I’m scared that because of the way I am I will never find anyone else I guess I’m afraid of being alone sometimes I feel like I’m used to his mental and abuse after all these year’s I want to be happy I want to remember what it actually feels like to be happy but I can’t see that in my future I’m thankful that you feel as though I deserve better and guess very deep down I know that but for some reason it’s like I’m in the sea and as quick as i reach for air I get pulled back under again

[sunandbutterfly]

I am sorry for the way that you have been feeling. Anxiety can be a normal response to too much stress. I would encourage you to seek the help of a counselor in sorting through all of this. I m so sorry for the way that your partner treated you when you were asking for more commitment. Maybe a therapist/counselor would be able to help you sort through some of this and find ways of coping? And also, maybe some of your friends would be helpful as part of your support system.

I would be glad to give you contact information for a free consultation if you need help finding a counselor in your area. Also, don't forget the crisis text number 741741. More importantly,I hope these resources on self care will be helpful for you. list.ly/list/2EUz-the-selfl...

I hope that you are able to find support here as well. Know that you can get through this, you can make it through the next minute, hour, day, week, etc.