Constant Fear and Crying From Anxiety and Depression

[written]

Hi everyone,

I'm new and got here by looking up anxiety online support groups. I've always had terrible social anxiety but I started better managing it a few years ago with 'how to talk' and 'how to be polite' books. I've also been a bit depressive since childhood. I began feeling more confident when I started my new job two years ago but I've felt myself slowly declining for months. Recently it's all come back with a vengeance. One day, out of nowhere, I felt anyway, my heart started racing and I started crying uncontrollably. It turned into an everyday occurrence. I've been crying at work. I cry until I go to sleep. I was waking up at 3 and 4 in the morning. I started to constantly worry about my future. I think of losing my job and health insurance. I think of never getting hired again. I feel incapable of surviving. I went to the doctor and started taking a medicine. It's been a week and I still feel constant panic. I talked to a therapist for the first time yesterday and I still feel lost and worried that I've waited too long to get help and that I could lose it all in an instant. I just want somewhere to talk because I think my friends and family are tired of hearing about it. They're busy with their own lives too of course. Anyway I guess I'm just looking for hope. Maybe someone can tell me if they've gone through this too and if they started feeling better and how? Or if you're going through it now too. I feel so alone. Thanks everyone.

[Agora1]

Hi written. You have come to the right place to find hope and others to talk with

that are going through the same thing or have gotten to the other side and won.

Did anything happen to change that confidence you had with you new job? Anxiety

usually takes over when there is that "lull" within us. Fears and worries can then

creep in breaking us down emotionally as well as producing the physical symptoms.

You having started medication a week ago plus starting therapy is a good step forward.

It takes time for the medication to work as well as therapy. It is not an overnight success

treatment. But it will open options for you in seeing why these negative thoughts are

coming out and how to work on getting better once again. Right now, you've hit a bump

in the road. Therapy will help teach you how to go around it.

We've all been there. I've had more bumps in the road than I care to count. However, I always get back on the straight and narrow. I did not have a forum of support when going

through my difficult times. The men and women on this site understand when you are

going through because they have experienced the same set backs. This will be a safe place to find emotional comfort. I'm glad you found us. You're never alone, We are in

this together. There is strength in numbers. Stay Positive xx

[written in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for the reply Agora, it’s helped me feel not so alone. 😌 I’m glad to have another resource to help with this.

I’ve always had a little anxiety about my job because I’ve never felt fully competent at it. It involves calling people over the phone to come into a clinic and they usually speak another language. I’m not entirely fluent and I get so nervous when trying to speak because I feel like I must sound like a fool. Then I have to ask what they said over and over again and most people get upset. 😕 It’s a big blow to my confidence when people get mad at me.

It’s worked out so far though because I work with another person as a team. She’s pretty fluent and ends up taking care of most of those calls and appointments. She’s been looking for another job though and I’m terrified of her leaving and me being found incapable and fired. It goes through my mind all day. I start thinking of losing my health insurance and income and I’m convinced I’ll never get hired anywhere else. It sends me into a panic. Everyday I feel this and cry and just can’t take it anymore. 😕

[Agora1 in reply to written]

Hi written, I can better understand what brought your anxiety to the surface. It may

have seemed to come out of the blue but in theory, it's been playing in your mind like

a broken record until finally physical symptoms appeared. I see myself in you in that

we can't handle people being upset or mad at us. Talking over the phone is a stressor

to begin with for me as well. I can't imagine the additional stress of not being able to

fully understand a person. It seems like you have a lifeline with your team mate. The fear of her leaving is something you have no control over. However, you do have control in how you handle the situation right now. The important thing now is to stop

the "what ifs". You already have her leaving, you getting fired and losing your health

insurance and income. As well as never getting hired some where else. Those 2 words "what if" are powerful enough to send anyone into a panic.

Fear begets fear and causes you to become so overwhelmed that your body allows

you to cry in order to release the stress. Like a valve on a pressure cooker needing

to be open in order to release the built up tension. It doesn't sound like anything is

going to happen or change with your team mate tomorrow. I believe you did the right

thing in going on medication in trying to take the edge off your stress and more importantly starting therapy so that you can discuss this with your therapist and have

a plan in how you should handle the situation. Knowing how you will go forward if

and when this happens will help reduce your stress and fears.

Everything will work out. Stay confident in yourself. That will take you far.

Good Luck with therapy that will be the key in going forward. xx

[written]

I want to cry from being understood. Thank you so much Agora.

[Agora1 in reply to written]

Don't cry dear. You will find many others who can relate to what you are feeling.

That's what makes this forum amazing. We truly are not alone anymore. xx

[ciley]

you are not alone~i feel it too~such a shame~a real drain on us too~ciley they say it does not last ha ha but it never goes~