My never ending struggle with depression and anxiety

[Naledis]

I promise this post will end though

Hi! I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for well over 20 years and often I think I'm 'all better' but sooner or later I'm just feeling so uninterested in everything again and no matter what I do I can't cheer up.

I've seen a few therapists over the years but I've never really found them to be very helpful. Some of this is probably on me, I never know what to talk about because really it's just 'everything' that's wrong all the time. I've done a lot of reading and listened to a lot of podcasts and I can understand the advice and practice it but just nothing works.

Some context I have a great paying job and in a long-term relationship but I know my depression is wearing on my partner. A week or so ago they said to 'I used to always be such a happy person...' gut punch! that hurts, it drives my guilt that I'm actively making two lives worse here.

I'm not sure what I'm even looking for in this post. Perhaps just to see if anyone has any tips on how to move forward? What do you do to get unstuck and create a positive mindset? I desperately want to be a different person and incredibly frustrated I haven't been able to. I feel like I'm wasting my life which makes me feel worse!

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. Joining here helped me so much. I hope you will find it as helpful. Progress for me comes from taking baby steps. Breaking things down into tiny simple steps to take one at a time to be successful and not overwhelm myself.

[SilverLinings24 in reply to gajh]

That is great advice💕

[SilverLinings24]

It’s frustrating, depression and other disorders rob us of our lives and our happiness. It’s not your fault. We can ourselves to think positively and focus on the good but our brain always navigate to the negative. It’s possible you haven’t found the “right” therapist for you but there is hope. There is something out there that will help you heal. There is nothing wrong with you and we can’t force being happy when our brain won’t let us, it’s simply not that easy but people who don’t walk in our shoes often can’t understand what we are going through.

[Naledis]

thanks for your great responses gajh and SilverLinings24

[fiddlerontheroof2]

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder about 15 years ago, although I believe I suffered from it for many years before my diagnosis. I have been to quite a few therapists over the years, some helpful and some not. The one I have now is worth her weight in gold. I feel like I have gained a lot of insight through my sessions with her, which in turn has really helped to decrease my depression. I really encourage you to not give up on therapy. Keep trying, until you find a therapist that you really connect with and who makes a difference for you.