Tired of college, but I don't want to quit.

[Neededthat88]

Hey there, I'm a 2nd yr in college and I've been having a sucky time. I'm constantly anxious about what people think of me. It's hard to convince myself that not everyone hates me, and thinks I'm stupid b/c of my grades. I'm not failing (for now), but I'm definitely below a 3.0. I do alot of activities and other stuff, and have a good research position job. I know I'm not stupid and worthless, but I still feel like shit most days. I have passive suicidal thoughts, but I feel like there's no one I can tell. I don't want people to know me as that trainwreck, even though I am.

[Strongheartforever]

It’s pretty normal to feel this way at this stage, I did too. When you start taking classes that pertain to your major, your grades and interest will go up, up, up. You gotta find your passion and study that and if it’s still dragging then that’s the wrong major. Study what you love, that’s my advice, and don’t rack up a bunch of student loans. College is kind of another holding area before going out into the big world. It’s a good place to be now in your early twenties when your frontal cortex is still forming 😆 seriously it’s the place where judgement happens and isn’t fully formed til about age 25. Notice a lot of mistakes are made in peeps’ lives in their early twenties? Yep. Oh, the suicide ideation thing, don’t give it too much thought, it’s the primitive mind pushing you to MOVE and CHANGE and it’s hollering loud. Grow or die, it says. That’s a lesson you learn in life for sure and it’s not easy. Totally understand your frustration now but hang in there, freedom will come and fulfillment too as you find your passion and purpose and contribute your unique gift to mankind! Sounds big and it is. Be bold. Do things that scare you. Don’t hide in fear. Do those three things and you’ll succeed!!

[Neededthat88 in reply to Strongheartforever]

Thank you so much! It's good to know my primitive brain will eventually evolve lol.

[Strongheartforever in reply to Neededthat88]

Ha, yessss but you gotta tame it, steer it in the right direction. This is key. Tell those negative thoughts to eff off and show them the door! Watch Tony Robbins and Mel Robbins and Zig Zigler and Eckhart Tolle on YouTube when you’re down and it will help your mind find empowering ways to cope and grow. All you put in your mind gradually builds up in your subconscious, so watch what you expose yourself to.

[Neededthat88 in reply to Strongheartforever]

I'll definitely check them out. I'm trying to do more of my grounding excercises.

[NJ1823]

Hi Neededthat88...I know how you feel cuz I’ve been there before. Whenever I was in college I felt the same way. Nothing came easy and it felt like I was stupid and worthless all the time. It was some of my worst years. I also felt like there was no one I could talk to. Fast forward 10 years and it’s not much better. I went into the military got my MBA and still feel the same way. If I could go back I would try and start talking to those closest to me, whether it be family or friends. For me it was better for my friends as my family doesn’t understand my problems. But you never know how much people love you until they know how much you are hurting. I still struggle every single day but I’ve slowly started opening up. It’s sooo tough but I know people love me so it gives my life a reason for another day

[Neededthat88 in reply to NJ1823]

Yea, talking does help. I haven't been to thearpy in a while so It's like I forgot about how to talk about this stuff to people. I'll start with my friends and then eventually get to my family. My parents didn't go to college and haven't ever really talked much about mental health stuff. I still feel ashamed tho.

[suzzze]

Been there. School can take a big toll on your mental health. But hang in there. It’s worth it in the long run and none of those people will matter when your getting paid and paying ur bills.

[Neededthat88 in reply to suzzze]

Haha you right. College is only a short time.

[Marshall64]

Hang in there. As Strongheartforever said, college gets more interesting when you start getting into the classes relating to your major. I enjoyed the upper classes more even though they did require more time.

Does your college offer any counseling? Believe me, you are not the first or last student that has struggled with depression. I had it during college but it was because I was having a hard time at first making friends at college. I missed my friends from back home and dating was hard (men outnumbered the women). But I digress...

[Neededthat88 in reply to Marshall64]

Yeah, they have counseling. I haven't been in awhile.

[baileyf14]

I am so sorry you are going trhough this. Anxiety is such a difficult thing to deal with. Have you expressed how you are feeling to anyone you know and trust? It is always important to have someone who you can talk to so that they can help you with it. I hope everything gets better.

[Hidden]

I've been there! Does your school offer an on site counselor? I know most Canadian universities and colleges offer the service to students for free, and it was a great resource for myself. It was really embarrassing to start but by my second year doing it I was recommending it to everyone, even if it was just because they were a little sad. Especially if you are feeling anxiety or passive suicidal thoughts you should definitely consider it (again been there so don't feel like you're alone, school can definitely cause that).

You might also want to consider talking to your friends in school about your worries about feeling judged. It can be surprising that even who you think are the smartest students worry about the same thing, and it might help you feel less alone.

For myself, I was that trainwreck you're worried about being and surprisingly the only the thing my friends remembered about the situation was how quickly I picked myself up and moved forward. Don't be afraid of making decisions because of how you might be perceived, only you know what is best for you.

Hang in there, given how hard you obviously work I'm sure things will turn out ok for you one way or another!