I'm new. Want to feel like I exist.

[Swirl_Curls]

Hello. I've recently joined this whole thing hoping to talk with some people about stuff I struggle with. I don't have anyone in my personal life I feel comfortable talking to, so I'm hoping this sort of thing can help with that.

I'm struggling with a lot honestly. I don't want to get into all of it, but what made me join this thing was my desire to feel like I exist if that makes sense. I feel like very few people are aware of my existence. Honestly, I feel kinda selfish for wanting people to even know who I am. But I think if I died with no one knowing who I really am, I would feel regret.

You know that saying 'If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, did it make a sound?' I've been thinking the same sort of thing when it comes to my life. If a person is alive, but no one cares about them, do they really exist? That probably sounded kinda dumb, but hopefully that gets how I feel across. I guess I just don't want to feel like a living ghost anymore or something? For ages, I felt like I'd just been drifting. Not interacting with the world around me. No one to acknowledge my existence. Nothing to live for.

I have some people here in my life. I just feel like I'm not that important to them I guess. And they don't really know who I am. No one does. I don't know, it's probably my own fault that I'm so miserable haha. I push people away, then feel sad that no one wants to be around me. I really do deserve it, it's my own fault.

But I do want to get better. I got a little sister, she's four right now. She's the only reason I'm alive. I need to be someone she can rely on. It's a long way before I can become someone like that. But even if I deserve to be miserable, I can't just make myself suffer. I gotta actually change. Maybe I don't deserve to exist, but I want to become someone worthy of existing.

So, that's what made me wanna try this thing out I guess. To feel like I exist. To become someone worthy of existing. Feeling less alone, connecting with others, and all that. Thanks for reading.

[Conquerverything]

You are not alone. But I remember something that I learned by reading a book that made me realize that I should build my foundation strong and it is by having a good restful sleep, eating meals on time, reading and meditating. In that way it will start to clear up how we think and we can proceed with the other healthy habits. I strongly suggest that start doing meditation and replace the pessimism with optimism. What you think, expands.

[sunshinefan]

You are not alone. I sometimes feel that way too, but then I remember someone and know that ultimately they care about me. I would try some of the things that Conquereverything suggested and maybe that will help.

[Hidden]

Hey Swirl

First of all myself and others wanna give you a great big welcome to this compassionate, loving, and very intelligent forum.

See if this makes any sense. I’m 67 years old and I’ve lived with my disabilities , symptoms , and challenges since I was 24 when the onset of being bipolar with depression, anxiety ,manic episodes, ruminations, and low self-esteem started to slowly cone into my life

Back there in the 80s mental health and discussion of it wasn’t even close to this prevalent It is now, so I was pretty darn clueless all the way up to 2010 when I was actually diagnosed. It would take 10 of pages a 8 x 10 notepad to explain all the things that have happened to me

But through all that, being on this forum for seven months, and just being a behavioral savant. I’ve come up with one basic philosophy.

If we want to be better and do better, we gotta feel better. Not always easy to find to do but we have to hold out hope that it’s out there for us.

I can relate to you and I’m sure many others on here of not feeling like we do exist . All I was trying to do was find solutions and was famously failing and my family totally abandoned me when I asked for their help to just all sit down and brainstorm. They definitely made things a lot worse for me

. I’ll also add that I strongly believe that never ever do you deserve any of this. It’s your disability, not your true ability.

if you and I were sitting in a room, talking about anything, and everything in our lives. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Let our hair down, as it were

What would you tell me about what you’ve tried to do, successes and failures, with trying to feel better from your symptoms and challenges ?

In my life and I’m guessing many others. . It’s come down to when I felt good and that’s been in and out of my life. I felt much more like I existed.

When we find out answers , then not only do we feel like we exist, but that we are ALIVE!

If you haven’t found that level of relief of your symptoms that are beating you to death all the time, then I highly recommend using this site to do your best to solve. To discuss diagnosis and your travels to find solutions. You just never know in this crazy world of mental health that we exist in , when you might come across that Idea that leads to that

ALIVE!

Much love

Craig

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I apologize for my writing length. Sometimes it takes me a minute to get her across what I think are the proper points to help

I know when I was sick with heavy duty anxiety , that it was tough for me to read a paragraph let alone all that I’ve written.

[Synth87]

Hi there. I'm also new. I hope you can find community here. Even just wanting to connect with others can be a big step. (It definitely is for me!) I know when you feel that people don't really know you, it can feel like they can't possibly care about you, the real you. But I hope that this will become a good space for you to share more of yourself and build the relationships you want.