Feeling Alone

[HVThom]

I have amazing people in my life who are great at supporting me, at least until I go through a bad episode. I have major depressive disorder and some nasty generalized anxiety. While they can handle the occasional bad day, when I start to get especially irritable and emotional they tend to become distant. Which is completely understandable as dealing with someone with a mental illness can be very difficult. But it doesn’t change the fact that it makes it worse for me. Because when they do that, negative irrational self loathing thoughts invade and make it harder to come back from the episode.

An extra note since I know it will be asked: I don’t have any mental health care as I make just enough that I can’t get insurance, but also can’t afford it. My area also doesn’t have very many options either. I have had depression for seven years and cope with it really well more often than not, but every so often, I lose “control” and am unable to cope well.

[masa2333]

I understand and I am sorry that you have to go through this. I also feel like people around me don’t get it or are just denying that I go through some really though period. It is so hard and I feel so lonely. I don’t have much friends but those that I do have seems not to understand what I am going through. I didn’t choose to be this way and I didn’t want it to happen, but sometimes things happen for who knows what reason. Try talking to the people you love and explain them what bothers you, give them some insight of your condition and ask them nicely to cope with it in a way that will make it easier for you to handle. I’m sure all of them love you and will TRY to understand (because no one can ever truly understand those feelings right?)

We in community are all here to talk to you if you need someone to talk to outside of your family and friends. Wish you all the luck

[HVThom in reply to masa2333]

Thanks. Yeah. I think the hard part is since they are already distant, I am afraid to make it worse by asking them to do something different. I have previously suffered abuse and it makes me think everyone will react that way. I have abandonment issues as well and am even more terrified of instead of them being distant that they will leave. Sorry to ramble.

[masa2333 in reply to HVThom]

I lost my father at a young age, he passed away and since then I’ve also had abandonment issues so I totally understand. Please know that you are not alone. You are not rambling, this is your safe place, you can write all you want and we will try to help! We all deal with something scary. I also had the problem with fear that someone will leave me if I say anything, but found out actually that my true friends stick around and changed the way they behave. It was just a honest conversation, no arguing, no yelling... just telling them for example “I would really appreciate that instead of telling me that I needed to go outside you sit here with me and understand that I am doing my best to achieve it but It will be a long process since my anxiety increases under those and those circumstances...” something like that. Just reasonable talking

[HVThom in reply to masa2333]

Yeah. You’re right. I’m just so used to people (abusers) losing their patience and getting angry. But true friends don’t do that. Thanks.

[masa2333 in reply to HVThom]

You’re welcome!