feeling alone

[Liontint]

when my husband is upset with something I have done , he shuts me out for several days no matter how much I apologized . Sometimes it s legit on my part and others I just go along to keep the peace. I have suffered with low self esteem, depression and anxiety since I can remember . Feeling isolated doesn’t help but I don’t think he will ever understand that. I just found this group and hoping I can share my feelings here to people who understand what it a like to feel this way.

[AM2004]

well I'm not a professional nor experienced on this but, i personally, when an argument happens or a crisis ... i go into my space and perhaps shut people out but its not for revenge or i don't expect them to apologize and it's not at all about them i just need to resolve the issue on my own and my guy friends are mostly alike we take a step back go into our selves to think about it and takes some time to get back up, but may i ask have you shared this with them? about how you feel? and personally i usually don't go radio silent without warning i tell the other person that i'll need some personal space and time to myself maybe you would share it with them and they'd be open to try it? at the end of the day you should talk to a specialist i wish you the best💙

[Agora1 in reply to AM2004]

Good answer AM2004 xx

[fauxartist]

So stop apologizing, and leave him to sulk, or let him work it out on his own then. People in relationships are going to hit the wall sometimes...so that's what a relationship means...you work as a team. Some people control others with silence and shutting them out, and if that's his M.O.... then let him do his thing, don't own it....be like a duck...let it roll off your back like water. Because being beat down by that crap isn't healthy and is soul crushing. The only way to stop it, is for you to make the change how you choose to react to it. We cannot change other people. Stop reacting...if he won't talk about it, then let it be his problem. Start finding things to do that make you happy.

[Midori]

I agree with Faux, the silent treatment can drive you dotty!

It seems to me that you have an abusive husband, beware! I had one and it escalated to full scale physical abuse. 15 years I put up with it, eventually, realising the kids were starting to ape his mannerisms, I took them and ran to a hostel for abused women.

It's important to not allow children to 'normalise' abuse. They will grow up thinking it is regular behaviour

He saved me the trouble of divorcing him by suiciding.

Believe me, I don't miss him.

Cheers, Midori

[Tabby-5 in reply to Midori]

15 years must have felt like an eternity. Good for you for leaving what strength you have and your children will always remember you doing that and taking care of them and yourself.

[Tabby-5]

I 'm so sorry to hear this. What an awful feeling this must be for you. Would your husband be open to seeing a therapist with you and get a 3rd party to help with this conflict? Or if not would you go just for yourself?