Alone

[tomb_raider]

I feel so alone. My family doesn’t understand what I feel. They just use me as a punching bag. I’m so tired of being used. Everyone in my life has used and abused me. I don’t know what to do.

My heart aches and I feel so sad. Nothing I can do will ever make me feel better. I want to scream and break things and let it out, but they’ll get upset. I need to let all of this anger and upset out, but they won’t let me.

The only way I can let it out is by hurting myself when it’s late at night. I don’t want to hide my pain anymore. I want them to know that I’m hurting. I want them to know and show that they actually care, not that I’m just something they can use.

I’m so frustrated with my situation and how people treat me. I want to move out and go somewhere I’m safe and loved and cared for, but I have no money. What can I do to help?

[Justswimming]

Well you could write them letters and tell them how you feel ...that will release your feeling s then depending on how you feel.after you can decide to give them to them.or not.. Anyway you also have to check yourself and see if its because you have untreated depression... Can make us awfulize and think there is no solution..hope you get some peace and take step to help yourself feel better...search for low cost or free therapist s online

[tomb_raider in reply to Justswimming]

I’ve been on medication since I was 8 years old. I’ve seen therapists and doctors, I’ve been hospitalized before. Nothing seems to help. I want to feel better, I don’t think I will.

[Hidden]

Hi your family are obviously upsetting you and not worrying about it so why are you worried about upsetting them? It is very difficult to stand up to bullies but if you don't nothing will change. Have you looked at assertiveness training? x

[tomb_raider in reply to Hidden]

I’ve never heard of that. But if I get upset and cause an argument they might kick me out. It’s raining and I have no where to go.

[Hidden in reply to tomb_raider]

Hi look up assertiveness online. It is a way of learning to stand up for yourself without getting annoyed and losing your temper. Other people can but you just state your case. You would be laying down your boundaries and letting others know what you will and will not tolerate.

It is very difficult if you rely on them though for a place to live. Ultimately though no one can control how others think or behave but only how you react to it. Is there no way you can get somewhere else to live? Perhaps with a relative or friend? Or even on your own. x

[tomb_raider in reply to Hidden]

My friends have stopped talking to me because of how my mental state has degraded. My relatives live over an hour in either direction and I can’t drive. I have no money to live on my own.

[Hidden in reply to tomb_raider]

If you can't change your situation you can only change the way you react to it. Are you having any counselling?

[tomb_raider in reply to Hidden]

I’ve been trying to get into counseling. It’s very frustrating because I can only get to counselors within walking distance and my own is very small.

[Hidden in reply to tomb_raider]

There is also online and telephone counselling don't forget.

[tomb_raider in reply to Hidden]

Is there a site or a specific number I can call for counseling? I do better with typing than I do with talking.

[Hidden in reply to tomb_raider]

I don't know of one offhand. Have a google and I am sure you will find some. x

[gogogirl in reply to tomb_raider]

Also, this is just me- but real friends I think will be there for you not running away if you have problems. Would they run if you had a terminal illness or had had an accident?

[gogogirl in reply to tomb_raider]

If you do not drive, can they pick you up or can you take a bus/train? Are you in the US? No one should have to endure abuse.

[gogogirl in reply to tomb_raider]

Are you a minor? If so- I hope that you can talk to your school guidance counselor.

[tomb_raider in reply to gogogirl]

I’m 21.

[Hidden]

I feel the exact same way and I did hurt myself by overdosing and trying suicide. Everyone showed support and they cared for me for about a month or two. I thought things would be different but no it’s worse they use me abuse me and treat like garbage everyone does.

[tomb_raider in reply to Hidden]

They act like they care and then as soon as you’re not interesting anymore they walk away. My family does the same thing.

[Hidden in reply to tomb_raider]

Exactly and I’m here alone miserable and just irritated of everything. However if I say anything to defend myself I’m a bad person.

[tomb_raider in reply to Hidden]

EXACTLY. My family does exactly the same thing. They won’t change. I want to change how I react, but I can’t seem to.

[Hidden in reply to tomb_raider]

Same here i wish I could be that person to just let it slide and not bother me instead it eats away at me

[tomb_raider in reply to Hidden]

I’ve been looking for a job so I can save up and move out. Hopefully someone will hire me so I can leave here.

[Hidden in reply to tomb_raider]

I hope so this is by far the worst feeling ever

[tomb_raider in reply to Hidden]

It is. I’m falling apart and I can’t take much more of this.

[Hidden in reply to tomb_raider]

Me neither

[gogogirl in reply to tomb_raider]

That sounds like a good plan. Also , can you contact social services in your area?

[gogogirl in reply to tomb_raider]

What kind of work do you do?

[tomb_raider in reply to gogogirl]

I am currently unemployed. Jobs within walking distance are hard to find

[gogogirl in reply to tomb_raider]

Sorry you have family issues, but remember even in the best families people have issues. You are young , and have a transportation issue. Is there a career center where you can talk to a counselor and get some advice. I applaud you for having goals. Who knows - maybe a career center can even help with a job and transportation search as well if you have not tried already.

[gogogirl in reply to tomb_raider]

Holidays are coming- so who knows- maybe some business will be looking for someone.

[tomb_raider]

I feel the same way. I haven’t been on a date in a while either, you’re not alone. Most guys I date move way too fast and hurt me. I want to find a guy that will respect my boundaries, especially the sexual ones.

[Swim123 in reply to tomb_raider]

You will find a guy that respects you. He is out there.

[mitch404]

Hello. I just read your post. You are a brave person and I wish I had a magic wand to turn your situation around right now. Here are some suggestions that I hope can help you: 1- Understand that this current situation is temporary (even though it might not feel that way right now) and that things will improve. 2- Never ever let go of hope. Ever. 3- Your family won't change and you can never ever change them. You do have the power to change one person: yourself. Stop relying on them and get out of this cycle you're in. 4- From the little you wrote, it sounds like your household situation is dysfunctional, toxic and probably abusive. Every single day, there are organizations and counselors and shelters that help people just like you empower themselves and turn their lives around. I urge you to keep looking and keep inquiring on here until you find the right person to help you. You deserve nothing less.

[cb934586]

My folks kept me away from my boyfriend because they wanted me to ' 'get better' before I went back to him. Now I am more depressed and anxious than ever and my boyfriend doesn't want to see me. My folks don't want to see me either. I am afraid for my future because I spend more than I get from social security.

[nancy11]

Hello tomb_raider

First of all understand you are so special dont hurt yourself for people who care less

Please read the Book-The power of now by Echart tolle

I bet it will change the way you feel

And you will laugh at the past when you were hurting yourself

Best wishes

[Tweety56]

please hsng on I am 66 and have been the scapegoat gor my family my whole life. I have s husband snd two grown children one who doesnt talk to me, I dont talk to my mother as is the source of the problem, try to find people who care, stay away from those who hurt you no matter who they are.