I'm not doing well

[aaronm]

I want to end it. Suicidal thoughts are bad today. Anxiety is weighing me down. I'm trying everything like quiet time and reflection. I need some alone time to gather my thoughts. The baby won't stop crying and he's really fussy. I feel like no one understands me. I'm so ashamed of myself and beating up myself really bad. I hate that I think things like this. I can't help it. I tell myself that I'm everything negative. Nobody understands me. If I talk to my loved ones and friends they all freak out.

[deborah27]

Hi, the thoughts will change again and you will get on top of things. Reaching out is good and we don't freak out.

[aaronm in reply to deborah27]

Do you have suicidal thoughts a lot? I wonder how many do regularly like me? Some days are good days and the thoughts are passing and floating by so quickly. Today is a bad day.

[deborah27 in reply to aaronm]

Not these days. Life is too short. Problems are like storms, they pass. You will gather the debris and do what we all do, make another raft to climb onto. I hope if I reached my hand out to you that you would pull me to safety in my storm. That is all we can do until it passes.

[aaronm in reply to deborah27]

I actually do help people a lot through work. If help you too or any human no matter who they are. I have trouble following my own advice.

[deborah27 in reply to aaronm]

Lol, same. Good at giving advice but not great at accepting it. Might be something to think about though, getting a therapist?

[lorianxiety in reply to deborah27]

excellent description for reaching out to anyone in despair,im having thoughts of whats the use and fearing the worst that something awful is going to happen ,like a stroke,been feeling like this for some time now ,no one to reach out to and be assured that im alright just had a birthday and things will have to improve------I live alone and family are the least understanding.sorry to ramble.getting older makes one more vulnerable anyone relate...

[aaronm in reply to lorianxiety]

It has become very clear to me this last week that getting old sucks.

[bonkers65 in reply to aaronm]

Remember you said you have some good days though. I'm the same. I have some good days too, but today was bad for some reason. I don't know why and I had to force myself to not try to figure out why. Just let it be, but it was hard.

[aaronm in reply to bonkers65]

Your right. We will be home today. That should help.

[jkl5500]

I'm here to listen if you want to talk.

[aaronm in reply to jkl5500]

I'm just so overwhelmed with stress. I can't take it anymore

[jkl5500 in reply to aaronm]

I know you just went through a lot with your in-laws. That would stress out anybody.

Do you have a therapist you can talk things over with?

[jkl5500 in reply to jkl5500]

Don't get me wrong - I'm glad to listen. But a professional can do a lot more for you than I can. That's why I brought it up.

[aaronm in reply to jkl5500]

I need to get one.

[jkl5500 in reply to aaronm]

If you don't know where to start, have your regular doctor recommend one. But please get started ASAP. This is too serious to deal with by yourself.

[Hidden]

I have them Aaron, the thoughts.

It's called suicidal ideation. The thoughts but not the intent.

It's very common. It is a type of coping mechanism when we get overwhelmed.

[aaronm in reply to Hidden]

I hate them.

[Starrlight in reply to aaronm]

I know I hate them too. For me they got scary when the ideation turned into real consideration. We just have to make sure we get the right help/ support before the thoughts turn into something more.

[Orangeblossom85]

Aaron! Don’t let them win. Fight! How can we change the mindset? Is there any calm place around you where you can soothe?

[aaronm in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Not till I get home today. Every moment is spent with my father in law and it is so taxing and the stress is massive. I hope to feel better when I get home.

[JEG325]

A, the worst thing you can do is just continue to wallow in those negative feelings. So, here is some practical advice that I didn't learn until recently. It took 57 years for me to realize this so, llisten please. 1-Find something else to do. There has to be a hobby or entertainment of some other kind that will help distract you. 2-Reach out to others who care. You know how to contact Sue and I and you know we will always be there for you 3- Try something natural. I suggest you start with a magnesium product called, 'Calm'. You can buy it on Amazon rather easily. 4-If you're not taking vit. D, add it to your regimine. This time of the year is notorious for causing anxiety & depression. (2,000 IU, 3 times daily is a good place to start) 5-Get out into the sun. Even sitting by a window and soaking up sunshine that way is helpful 6-If you're not sleeping, try melatonin, it will help. 3 mgs before bed.7-GABA & L-tryptophan are considerations. They help improve mood and restore emotional equilibrium 8- Here's one I personally recommend: PS (phosphatydil serine is a tremendous help for reducing stress, improving mood & increasing your ability to sleep naturally. Take 100mgs up to 3 times daily.....In other words, be proactive! The more you wallow, the more overwhlemed you will get! Oh, and I'm not a doctor. I am only recommending these things based upon my previous experience. You know that, right? (lol)

[aaronm in reply to JEG325]

There isn't anything else when I spend every moment with my father in law but we will be home today. I think ill feel better then.

[Mehditate]

Try visualizing your good days. Try this exercise: picture your best day on earth. Picture how it would feel, how would it taste, smell even? How would your heart feel, how would your mind and thoughts look like? Imagine it, feel it, now give that experience to your body again and again. If you feel like it is hard because of the thoughts, try waiting for them to stop because they eventually do. The human mind usually pays attention to when they start, but not when they stop. That visualization technique will inspire you to keep going and finding different healing techniques to eventually reach that day. Bless your heart and may your path be as peaceful and graceful as humanly possible amongst the pain.

[aaronm in reply to Mehditate]

I like this exercise idea. I will try it.

[Skydreamer42 in reply to aaronm]

When things get their worst I tell myself: Every moment, every breath is a chance to say, "I made it a little farther..." "a little farther..." "A little farther than I thought I would..." It helps me. I hope it helps you.

[hypercat54]

Do you think you could be suffering from Post Partum depression? x

[aaronm in reply to hypercat54]

Hahaha. I'm a man, a man who is very involved with my children.

[hypercat54 in reply to aaronm]

Ooops! Sorry. x

[aaronm in reply to hypercat54]

Its ok. That was funny.

[hypercat54 in reply to aaronm]

x

[Traveller85]

Ok this is above what you can handle on your own anymore. You need a therapist and possibly s psychiatrist to help, at least for now. Are you sure all of this is about your father-in-law. Seems there are some other issues in the mix. Please feel free to share more.

I’m sorry you’re goibg through this, it will pass. Hang on.

[Traveller85 in reply to Traveller85]

Aaron how are you now?

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Traveller85]

I was about to post the same. I worry although I know that you’re gonna keep very strong! You can get back yourself again Aaron! You have purpose to be here. !

[aaronm in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Thank you. Your right. I do have a purpose.

[aaronm in reply to Traveller85]

Oh there are many issues but I only posted about the most pressing one at the time. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for 20 years. I currently have a psychiatrist and been in and out of therapy.

[Hidden]

I'm going through this with you... We can do this together. Please hold on, friend. <3

[aaronm in reply to Hidden]

I will. You too

[pink83737]

I have suicidal thoughts also some days, but don’t give in to those thoughts! I understand how you feel, you aren’t alone ! Keep your head up, will be praying for you!

[aaronm in reply to pink83737]

Thank you very much!

[6ixtyon1]

So sorry...but, you are going through so much! You are helping to hold up a lot of people...doing all of the right things, but you need some breathing room, too...besides here, are there other outlets you speak with? I find the more, the better... What does your wife say? I am glad that you are here, and I am glad that you are letting this out...just wish I had a magic wand to fix everything, don't you?

Have you tried writing it down/recording these thoughts, someplace? I find when I am super stressed, I get it all out, that way, try to rest....if I can't, I go back and read what I wrote, then try to be objective about it...sometimes, it's like another person talking, sometimes, it isn't.

I just see, from the outside looking in, that you are a very good hearted person & that you need some help to carry this load you are bearing...

[aaronm]

My wife appears stronger than me. She is looking forward to being home also. I do have a good friend that has mental illness and understands but I haven't talked to her yet about this. Its been hard with him around all the time and then all day driving. Ill reach out today when I get home. I agree. This stress is a lot.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to aaronm]

You’re gonna do it Aaron! You know that you have to drift your mind away from all of it. Use the exercise, it seems incredible!!! Think about your smaller toes or belly button, notice that you feel absolutely every detail about your great body. Your mind is infinite and you can do and be everything you want. We’re with you! You’re strong too, very strong!

[Hidden]

So sorry you had a bad day, aaron. I have suicidal thoughts sometimes, too. I hope you'll get through this soon.

[Hidden]

Thinking of you aaronm

Sending hugs and vibes for this to pass x

[aaronm in reply to Hidden]

Thanks friend! How are you?

[Hidden in reply to aaronm]

I’m not to bad right now, after a rough anxiety ridden time for a little while..we do seem to get through and somehow gain some strength to carry on...

I’m thinking of you x

[Hello_Vivi]

So sorry you are going through this and can't imagine how difficult it must be with the recent events with your father-in-law. It sounds like you would benefit from speaking to a therapist who can help you process all this stuff and help you with the suicidal thoughts. You mentioned you have a psychiatrist so perhaps they can help you with this or refer you to someone for therapy? It can't hurt to try that route. You deserve to feel better.

[aaronm in reply to Hello_Vivi]

Your right. I need to get a therapist

[Hello_Vivi in reply to aaronm]

I know it can be a hard step to take, depression makes us not want to do anything but therapy is a great gift to give yourself.

[Orangeblossom85]

How are you now, Aaron?

[aaronm in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Today has not been better but thanks for asking.

[Hidden in reply to aaronm]

🤗🌺🌹💕