Not doing well

[Shutterbug65]

I’m dreading the holiday. I have no friends or family anymore. I’m going to my cousins in-laws because I have no where to go. I live paycheck to paycheck with no savings. I’m one major problem from disaster. I know I over think things but I’m actually afraid of becoming homeless some day. I have Obamacare and the out of pocket cost for therapy is to much, (since you usually go once a week). I see a phychiatrist about every two months or so for meds management. I feel like I’m falling apart. My house needs work I can’t afford. I’m always worried, nervous about being alone. I want out of this life. Can anyone relate?

[Sillysausage234]

Just saying hello there ✋🌞

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Hello back to you. Happy Thanksgiving. 👋

[Hidden]

Hi, so sorry for your suffering. I too, am in a simular situation as you. My heartfelt prayers go out to you. I also live alone, but I do have 1 precious little dog and two beautiful cats that keep me company. Just wished I had someone that truly cares about me, but that is not the case. I do know, however; that Jesus loves me so much which helps. You are not alone and I will pray that Jesus comfort you. Light, hugs, and love to you.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply. And thanks for keeping me in your prayers. I hope you managed to have a nice thanksgiving. I do pray sometimes in the morning, I’m Catholic but haven’t been to church in quite sometime. I’m not sure if he listens to me, I’ve turned my back on the church. I’m scared because I’m alone, I’m getting older (I’m 53) and my living situation is precarious. I’ve never been married, don’t have any children and no one close by to help me if I need it. And that really scares me. We all need somebody. Please stay in touch. And thanks again for sharing with me. Love and hugs to you.

[fauxartist]

I'm glad you have someplace to go for thanksgiving, and for at least that one day, you can eat, and have plenty and it's all being done for you and others. Enjoy this day for what it is, and leave the worry's at home, bring yourself to be in the moment and nothing else comes with you...no regrets, for fears or worrys for now.....best wishes.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I did manage to have a nice day and being surrounded by so many people for a change felt good, I was a bit anxious because I didn’t know most of them but I made it through.

Now I’m back to my reality, being alone. I found some old pictures of me when i was young. I had so many people in my life, surrounded by so much love, I felt so protected. My grandparents who raised me, my Dad, aunts uncles cousins. Many are no longer here, others have moved on and we lost touch. I’m so sad and scared.

[Agora1 in reply to Shutterbug65]

I feel your let down the day after, Shutterbug, but for that one day yesterday, you

made it through and it was nice being surrounded by people. You were living again.

Today, while you sit back feeling sad and alone, take time to reminisce about those

good old days when family was all together. Bring up the fun memories and feel

what it was like. You may get a smile or two and maybe even a laugh. No one can

ever take away those memories. They are imprinted in your heart and mind forever.

I'm always grateful that I had that time in my life to reflect on. Sending hugs xx

[fauxartist in reply to Shutterbug65]

my immediate family are thousands of miles away, and sent me pics of their thanksgiving dinner and were sad I was not there with them. I was too. I had a quiet day with painting and watching this series..'Medal of Honor' which is quit good. I do have a lot to be grateful for and thankful for....someday's it's hard to remember that, and someday's the depression wins.....but not for long. Had a rough morning still missing the kids, which are young adults now....but they are always in my heart.

[Madison10]

Shutterbug

I certainly can relate . The holidays are bad for a lot of people including me. We used to have the holidays, parties, birthdays at my home. When we stopped a few years ago, my kids didn’t bother to invite us over. I guess if your doing all the work and spending money and no one helps, you will always have people around. Being homeless has always been in the back of my mind. It hasn’t happened yet . I try to stay in the present, I’m always worried about something. I can’t afford my co payment for a therapist either and I go to a psychiatrist ever couple months for my meds also. There is so much depression in the world and not enough help. I hope you feel a little better tomorrow

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Madison10]

I’m scared I’m not going to make it. I’ve been alone for so long now.I have no kids and never been married. My girlfriend of almost 9 years passed away in 2010 and my Dad who came to live with me passed in 2014. I just can’t take the anxiety, the fear of being alone and not having any support if something goes wrong. Even my phychiatrist worries about me. Years ago we used to have birthdays and family get togethers, their was always people around. I wish I appreciated them more back then. I knew that if I needed help someone was there for me. I’m so alone, I just don’t want to go on anymore. Everything that has happened to me is my own fault, I’ve wasted so many opportunities. It would be nice if we could turn back time, correct the mistakes we made. Im just so scared.

But anyway Happy Thanksgiving. Please try and enjoy today. Thank you so much for the reply. message me if you want to talk.

[Jeff1943]

No friends? Make friends. No money? Change your job for one that pays more. It may need retraining. No family? Not quite correct: your cousin has invited you to spend Thanksgiving with his/her in-laws. That's nice of them. You may meet someone interesting or helpful at your cousin's in-laws. Sit down and make a Personal Advancement Plan covering those areas where you want improvement in your life. Every week write down what you've done and what progress you've made. Put yourself about, go for job interviews, join a club based on something that interests you. Join a political party, doesn't matter which one, you're joining to meet people. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one short step. Take the first step. I wish you well.

[butterfly2121]

Dear Shutterbug65: I can completely relate. I am in a similar situation. I have a daughter with autism and the medical bills have gotten out of control. The full time caregiving has taken a toll on me. I am so depressed. We have no family where I live and the holidays are a very lonely time for me. My husband is no help. I dread the holidays every year now. I try to be mindful and count my blessings but when the depression sets in I can't see anything bright. Sending you a hug, prayers or good vibes. We will make it through we always do. Please try to enjoy thanksgiving at your cousins. We get invited no where. I have hosted countless things at my house but have since given up since people just take and take and take and never return. And at this point I can't even afford it anymore. Sorry, I am in the same spot as you. Know you are not along. <3

[Shutterbug65 in reply to butterfly2121]

I’m sorry that you are going through so much. And I know how it feels to not see anything bright. This is what anxiety and depression does to us. I wish I could say something positive that would help, but we know it doesn’t help. But I’m sure you are doing the best you can for your daughter, I’m sorry she has autism. Thank goodness she has someone like you to care for her, but I can’t begin to imagine the toll it takes on you. But you obviously love her very much.

I’m sending you hugs back to you. I’m very nervous about going to my cousins in-laws. I feel like I don’t fit in. Oh well like you said will get through today somehow. Thank you again for writing, please message me if you want to talk. Happy Thanksgiving.

[Hidden]

Happy Thanksgiving to you. I hope it goes ok at your cousins...understand the nerves and anxiety..try just enjoy the food and company..hope so.

Every good wish 🌺🌺🌺

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Olivia. I need support, I’m so afraid. If one thing goes wrong in my life, if I need help, I have no one to turn to.

But I will try and enjoy today. I get invited because they know I have no where else to go. And I get nervous and feel awkward because I have nothing in common with them. Except my cousin, we grew up together. But I am grateful and will try and enjoy the moment .

Thank you my friend.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

You are welcome...

Shutter, if you are out and with people who knows what can happen, if you are at home it’s less likely anyone would even mention anything you never thought of...seeing people can sometimes in some way change lives..just something they say or do can make us think of something...be open to it ...my Nan used to say ‘life can turnaround on a sixpence’

And a sixpence was soooooo tiny. 😊

Sometimes if we think positive , positive things happen...I know it’s not always quite so easy ....I’d love to hear positive things begin to happen for you....they can start so tiney..but grow...you deserve it..so think it...

Truly good wishes to you 🌺🌺🌺

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

That’s why I hate being home alone. The weekends I’ll go out, go to the mall or the city just to be around people. Through the years because of my anxiety and insecurities I pushed people away. Some sadly have passed away and I’ll never have the chance to say how much I loved them.

You are so right I need to think of things in a more positive way. My mornings are always the worst time for anxiety, as the day wears on I’ll feel better but I know tomorrow morning the cycle will start all over again. So many years of thinking negatively has taken its toll. Everything that was ever positive in my life was in the past, and now they are gone. I’m self conscious about my smile, my teeth are not good so I don’t smile and people think I’m not friendly. I have a lot of problems so it’s difficult to be positive.

And your nan was right. Life can change quickly.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

I hear ya. Mornings are my worse time too...

Things can change..and so can you..

Having hope is very important for us..

I hope you can find your hope

Sending vibes for a peaceful Thanksgiving 🌺🌺

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Olivia. We could all use a bit of peace. And peace of mind. It’s a struggle everyday and it gets so tiring. Have a wonderful day. Are you in England? Because I would wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterbug65]

Yes I’m in England...

And yes we could all do with some peace of mind , much more often than we get it ..

Good wishes 🌺🌺🌺

[Hidden]

Hey man you know how much I care about you, I know we haven't talked in a while if you need to give me a call, I'll always be here for you! Lots of love & hugs for you!