I hate what I'm doing

I hate myself I hate myself I'm just breaking up with the best person I met, and who loves me... i'm destroying this.. i dont want to, i know it's not good for me to break up, I just can't stop I hate myself so much, I'm disgusted by myself... I just want to destroy myself

[SillyDuck]

Hi. I'm Susan. You Love yourself, that's why you are Breaking up with him.

[Hidden in reply to SillyDuck]

No no no, I hate myself and I think he deserves better than me... really... I don't know what's happening to me.. I just dont deserve his love

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm feeling so terrible right now because I know he is the best person for me..

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Whether he 'deserves' better than you isn't your decision but his. He stays with you coz he has feelings for you. Why would he stay otherwise? He is a free agent and can leave anytime he wants so you aren't forcing him to stay.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

It is so weird because I know this and he tells me the same all the time, yet still I have this terrible feeling inside.. that tells me I'm nothing..

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

You need to be working on your self esteem issues, maybe through therapy.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I just talked with my therapist yesterday...

[Mr0518 in reply to SillyDuck]

Breakups are hard especially when you've been together for years

[Sprinkle1]

So what brought this on? Go to the core of it and work it out with yourself. If you need help consider talking to a therapist......I wish you well.....

[Hidden in reply to Sprinkle1]

There are a few triggers, but I always managed to keep calm.. but now I literally told him to f*** off when he said he loves me.. I love him too..

[Hidden]

I wonder if you ever tried to put the shoe on the other foot. If you were him (and his state of mind not yours) how you would feel if he said eff you after telling him I love you?

Anyways, the work you have to do is turn your self hate into self compassion. It will take uncovering at root the real reasons for your self loathing. You need to continue therapy for sure.

Your boyfriend is bigger than all us put together if he practices patience and understanding when you use daggers such as these harmful words when he saying he loves you, almost in a sense that you want to experience him actually leaving you. If you truly love him unconditionally you’ll find a way to work through this. 🌺

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much, your answer describes it perfectly..

I want to experience him leaving me, because that is what I am familiar with: pain, disappointment, fear...

I don't know love.

[Survivor4Ever]

Have some self compassion for yourself and find out why the self sabotage

[Survivor4Ever]

drmargaretrutherford.com/04...

[Pamela2876]

I am sorry you are facing this. It sounds like you want to get better at relationships and that is so important. Sometimes a lack of boundaries hinders us from have authentic relationships. We don't see the line between where we end and others begin and it makes us feel a loss of control over self. It may help to have your therapist or find a counselor who can go over how to set boundaries in relationships that are healthy. You are in my thoughts.

[Sabio77]

Hidden thank you for reaching out here. what is wrong... why did you break up if that is true he is a positive thing for your life?

[Ubud2021]

I get this feeling often in relationships. I tend to start panicking about “all the things wrong with me” and I can’t stop, and it ruins the relationship. I do have relationship OCD. It makes it very hard to continue a healthy relationship.

Also, I would like to make one other statement. If this is genuinely NOT ANY feeling of yours, please disregard this paragraph. But there are times as well that I will feel these feelings as well. But really, after so long, I can finally see the true meaning behind them. A) So, I used to have a strict “type” I would date. Of course, it happened to be the bad boys that all the girls wanted. I somehow wanted to keep this reputation or image rather, that I put in my head, that that’s the kind of guy I liked. After awhile, I met a really sweet boy. He was too a little bit of a “bad boy” but, definitely not as near as much as I was used. He was genuinely kind to me. Yeah, we could roast each other back and forth and have fun, but he was just so sweet, successful, and in my head today, a real man. But, I couldn’t let him in for some reason. I tried. I tried so hard. But I think it was because I was too used to being with guys who treated me poorly. I’ve never been treated this good. How could I possibly accept it? Ya know? Also, I still had this image of myself dating bad boys and wanted to keep it. I don’t know why. So at the time, I made this guy less attractive in my mind. But actually, he is really handsome. OR there is possibility B) Somewhere deep down, I knew we weren’t going to work out. I knew (or so I’d like to say I knew) that maybe they really weren’t the best for me. Intuition is a very strong feeling. It can also make you question things and get panicky. Because somewhere deep inside you, you feel as if it’s just not actually really “right” per say...

Anyway- my question to you is this; Are you just having a lot of anxiety and low self esteem and having obsessive thoughts? OR is there a deeper routed issue that maybe you are not thinking of... for instance, you don’t know how to accept nice guys into your life? Or maybe it’s your intuition?

I’m only stating these things to ~hopefully~ help you better understand these feelings you are having. Because, I know the feeling. I understand how miserable it makes you feel. I understand it makes you hate yourself. I’ve been here many times. And I’m so sorry you’re going through this.