Trying so hard to be supportive...

[Hopeful111]

Hi everyone so basically I am on this site to try to get some insight on how I can help my boyfriend who suffers from severe anxiety and social anxiety and depression... It seems like everything came to be going well and then all of a sudden a dark cloud will come over him and he won't answer the phone or texts he just wants to be alone...as I learned more about what he's going through I just tried to be supportive and helpful and there when he needs me.. he goes to therapy twice a week but honestly I almost think that he has stopped doing that but if he is going still which I would like to believe he's really not making much of an improvement.. he's been going ( hopefully) for about 6 months now. He attempted to take meds for about two weeks but it made him way worse so now he is totally against trying other meds which I respect but I just really think he needs help and I'm so worried about him... So again I'm on this board to see your stories and look for hope within them... It's very hard for me as well to be on this roller coaster.. and just keep hoping and praying but he will get well I so we can just be happy and have a steady loving relationship together... If you have any insight for me please let me know maybe how your significant other helps you? Thank you and I really do hope you all find the peace you're looking for ❤️

[Cookie101]

Hello hopeful111, I'm so glad your here because from my experience, and perhaps others here, that many people think it's not the problem that it is. I've had people tell me that I should just get over it, or I should just stop worrying. That works for normal people but for us it's more complicated. And just to make it worse, it works differently for everyone. The only way that I can really explain mine, is to imagine walking into a brightly coloured room with a great party. Everyone is having a good time, including you. Suddenly you notice a beige wall. It's got no colour, no pictures, you start staring at it. Everything is going on around you but you and you want to join in but you can't stop staring at the bloody wall. Then you get angry and frustrated with yourself for not getting back to the party and it just spirals from there. That's one way I've learned to describe mine. There are more complicated aspects but that seems the easiest way to offer perspective to others.

It actually took me years to figure out that much and I'm constantly still working it out. I found that the TV was one of my triggers so I actually won't watch it. I try to do hobbies with my hands and I follow Buddhist teachings as I find they help me substantially by helping me to look at things differently and teach me to take control of myself rather than rely on someone else to sort my issues for me. It took me many years to get to this point and he will need to decide for himself to take action (which unfortunately can take a while). He's lucky to have you in his life. Just be patient with him. Maybe ask him to join the site as we are all familiar with the struggle. Be there when he needs to be heard and be aware that sometimes, it can take a while for him to decide that he's ready to move forward. If he's overwhelmed by too many things, remind him he only needs to deal with one problem at a time and guide him towards it. Sorry I've gone on for a while. I tend to do that. Hope any of this is useful for you.

[Hopeful111 in reply to Cookie101]

Good morning cookie and thank you so much for responding to my post.. your analogy is much appreciated and I'm sure that is how he feels because he explains things like that to me as well I try to make suggestions to him and on some of them he listens and will implement them in his life such as eating better etc but of course that's when he's in a better mental space.. this is so hard for me I basically I'm losing my friends to talk to because they just think that he is just not good for me because I get so sad when he isolates and there have been times when he is push me away because he just can't handle the pressure it's easier for him to stay in his four walls as he says but then he never wants to lose me during those times I have tried to date other men but I just can't because my heart is with him,. It's really all so sad and I just hope and pray that we can get him to a space where he can find some peace and joy... Thank you again for your kind words and in sight...♥️

[Hidden]

Hi hopeful111

I just wanted to say hello. And say I’m so sorry for the struggles for both of you.

It resonated with me, as I, like your boyfriend can isolate..it’s like my mind just needs a kind of nothingness to recover after anything..and I can isolate for days. 😞 even more so if I’m feeling particularly anxious or low or both,Not bothering with anyone or anything kinda feels like it’s less likely I will be made to feel even more anxious, even loved ones..Having a conversation is so exhausting, and even though I feel lonely, I opt out of even trying a conversation as its too exhausting and just really difficult...I do have times when I feel up to doing more and I make the most of those times with little trips out..

I don’t have any great ideas about how or what you can do to help your boyfriend, it must be awful for you, 😞

At the times I isolate I tend to feel it’s a good thing I don’t have someone close in my life , a partner , because I feel they wouldn’t cope..I’m still lonely though,

He may be feeling you are better without him in your life, so telling him that you want to be around and wish to understand will help.

We are all very individual in our mental illnesses, and what affects one may not affect another..it’s difficult at times to have hope, when you feel,low but in my opinion we need to keep the hope..hope that things can and will improve with the right input..does your boyfriend have any close family who could maybe help encourage him to be open , it’s difficult I know, initially when I first started feeling really ill, I isolated a lot more and couldn’t cope with much at all, some days now are still the same but they are less.letting him know you are there if he would like to talk about it, I always feel people don’t have the time, and I don’t want to burden them..

Meds take longer than two weeks to get used to , as you may be aware, there is sometimes a lot to persevere prior to getting the right medication for us...sometimes the first one isn’t necessarily the one that’s right for us, close contact with gp at the time of trying out what suits is imperative,..maybe if you could obtain some information around how the process works when first starting medication/anti depressants ... I’m not sure what country you are in..and how it works where you are in respect of obtaining information

it sounds like his expectations around how soon the meds would begin to work and how they work , have left him feeling they aren’t for him and they don’t work, without him giving them a real try...so perhaps if you can somehow get some details to him around that aspect it may help him to try again via his gp, if that’s what he would choose to do.

My apologies I’ve waffled a bit here,

You have to take care of you too, remember that. It’s important.

Here is a link around how to help /support someone with mental illness ...

Every good wish to you 🌹 x

mind.org.uk/information-sup...

[Hopeful111 in reply to Hidden]

Good morning Olivia and thank you so much for your insite and words ..I really try to be so supportive of him and we have gone up and down in this relationship for a year with me just trying to understand because at first HE didn't understand... he does open up to me when he is in a good space. It's really all so sad that I can't help him .. and very frustrating as well... Outside of this horrible issue we are such a wonderful fit and I just want to bring him love and make him happy.. I'm the only person in his life that he truly opens up to and he has literally begged me to never leave him and as I told him I would never would as long as I know he was making effort to get better... When I read everyone's explanations on here on how they feel it just sounds so much like him and it's truly tragic.. it seems like it's a lifelong struggle and while I want to be there for him while I really do feel that he is the man for me it's extremely hard and frustrating to love someone who has this illness because all I really want to do is be happy and live life with him but he isolates and it breaks my heart every time... I'm looking for hope... I'm looking desperately for solutions to help him.... And I appreciate everyone on here who can give me some insight and maybe I can find that key... Thank you so much for the link I will definitely check it out and Thank you again .. I truly wish you peace...❤️

[Hidden in reply to Hopeful111]

Hi.

Yes you really have to take care of yourself too.

It can be frustrating and very difficult for sure.

I’m glad you can come along here and chat to us, it’s a good outlet,

I’m sending lots of good wishes your way and vibes for peace and strength.

🌺🌹🌺🌹