Not used to these bad days as they are starting to come back again stronger and I think what did I do wrong? nothing, right well I don’t know...
My head feels full. And I want to just be. But I am in a rough place where everything seems... huge ...
I have a lot to do yet I need rest. I have to come up with a plan. I think I should do a little of work a little of rest back and forth and all will work out is my hope. I’m dreading a party next weekend. I want to just focus on my son who is turning 9. What a beautiful age. 9. How pure. How in awe I am of him.
Soooooo I just want a good day for him, but I find myself worrying about people coming over who may judge me. My sis my best friend I just feel paranoid and I can’t seem to think positively about them right now. Clean enough house? Being social when I am not feeling up to it with social anxiety plaguing me right now in a big way? Can I manage to clean myself up nicely so I feel good and will I feel healthy or will I feel run down like now?
I notice my thoughts go to caring what others think and worry about peoples’ judgment on me, so, I ask how do I relax and not care so much?
Thanks for any support 🙏 😊 I really am trying my best to just do me
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Starrlight
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Sorry to hear this.....Any idea what is causing you to feel this way? Are you withdrawing from meds? I know you previously mentioned coming off the benzos.
I think it’s from past stuff bubbling up to the surface now that I think about it. I have a lot to deal with so the little things seem big from just stress. So I am just taking benzos when I really need one. The other day I skipped it and had a decent day. Yesterday was hell even though I took one. Oh well.
Not sure if it will make any difference and please do not consider this medical advice, but I personally have decided to stay on my little amount of Ativan for the rest of my days. I am much older than you..I am 63. My dr told me that as long as I stay stable on this very small dose (0.5), then there is no harm in taking it. Will I stay stable...who knows. I do not know what you take for meds but maybe revisit this with your dr. I am also doing emdr therapy,My best to you. Hope you feel better soon.
Thanks that’s so helpful to hear. I do t feel as bad about taking some of the meds I do. Yeah if they help so much why not maybe it’s not so bad eh? Best to you!!! ❤️
Not if they don't have something similar or are close with someone who does. Even today, most people think -- either consciously or subconsciously -- that mental illness isn't really a medical problem. They tend to see people who claim to have it as doing just that, "claiming" something that isn't real, so they dismiss us as just mentally lazy and weak. They don't know what it's like to be standing next to yourself, blown away by your own inability to handle a very basic life situation, like not obsessing, not shaking, not having an upset stomach, not crying -- over something that from the outside that seems trivial or even over nothing at all.
Maybe the thing to do is just hand them a pamphlet or two on the illnesses you have.
Hmmm 🤔 Well my sister has kind of similar she’s in Zoloft but she still seems to think she’s better than me and she knows it all it’s her personality from my dad she’s got and my best friend gets it she has anxiety and so does her daughter. I get really anxious around people. I am trying to find ways to just enjoy my son’s smiling face and ignore my sister ‘s rude comments.
So the judgment problems have nothing to do with them looking down on you for mental illness because many of them are sick too? Just classic family foibles of family members annoying each other?
He’s ok thank you for asking family is doing wonderful my grandpa had the vaccine yesterday I think . But he has a fever. I miss my family very much ❤️❤️
Starrlight, I wish you better days ahead, I know how difficult it is. Please try not to worry about others’ opinions though, and take care of yourself and your son. I am going through similar situations. I’ve had to isolate myself from others outside my home because I’m tired of worrying about pleasing others. I need to concentrate on myself, my sons who are going through their own issues, and my senior dog who was recently diagnosed with a bulging disc and canine cognitive dysfunction. When everyone else is going to take care of my family, then I can worry about their opinions...Stay strong, take care and stay safe!
I love your post truly! So true! When others will come take care of all of this around here then they may then get to have an opinion!!!!! Thank you so. How old are your sons, FifLove? My sons are 25, 13 and soon to be 9. I’m sorry about your troubles including your dog’s troubles. ❤️
Thank you. My sons are actually 29 and 27, but both still home and back in college (distance learning). Things have been tough enough around here, then add on the pandemic, the weather, chronic back pain, my fur baby’s health issues and caring for him, and it’s all too much. And that’s a very brief synopsis. I’ve had to stop listening to my mom, sisters and nieces who cannot understand my anxiety and want me to run my life how they see fit.
I’m sorry. I know it’s hard when people who we wish would stand by us and be good to us make things difficult for us instead and they don’t even appear to be aware of themselves, very sad. You are amazing the way you are. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ you are beautiful ☺️ Let’s stay strong
Well the last time I got on my meds things became great but when I accidentally messed with them up and down doses trying to figure out what to do with them with my doctor this happened. Maybe it will smooth out as I am back on track the way it was. I did go off of Ashwagandha because I ran out. Maybe that was helping more than I gave it credit for. I may just try going back on that... 🧐thank you so much for caring ❤️
Big hugs lovey 💖. I understand how you are feeling... I get the same way. I freak out anytime we have people over... that our place isn't clean enough, being judge about everything. It drives my husband up a wall. Your sons love you... he's going to be so excited to see people, showing Toady off & presents. Do what you can... he loves you, as long as there's his favorite treats, people, he'll be happy. His mom being present is what matters. Here for you.
I think it's great you have a plan to do a work/rest schedule. Do please make sure you get enough rest, very important in bipolar - l also have it. Anybody would have your worries when having people over, and it's not many people. You say your sister is your best friend well there you go. Personally, I wouldn't be going back on meds you've given up or trying new ones because of this. Not when they are normal everyday valid worries. I think you are using benzos in the proper way, as needed. The lady who is on them regularly is using them in a way that suits her, and her doctor advised her to, of course I am only giving you my opinion, as we well know everyone is different. In my case, my doctor only presethem short-term for me and even then only as needed. Once again I think your idea of a plan is super. As someone else on here says, make a fuss of your son, give him a party he will like, he's the star. I know my daughter loves when my sister comes over on her birthday every year, like you l fuss about cleaning and preparing, but completely relax once my sister and her husband are in the door. That daughter of mine is now 17 years old by the way, so I've survived that many years of parties, plus those of her older brother and sister too, l believe you also have older. I havent been diagnosed with social anxiety, but definitely have all the symptoms.
Maybe the key is to look at the bigger picture - a well-deserved treat for your son in lockdown, an enjoyable chat with your sister. I feel you'll be fine. You come across as a sensible person in your posts,, and you are one of those people who is always willing to help others.
No actually I wish no my sister and my best friend are coming ... my sister can be pretty mean. She better behave this time as I don’t have the patience for her anymore. I just wrapped my son’s presents and I looked at some of the decorations I’ll put out for him, and I think he will be happy with it. He’s such an angel. I hope his day is perfect. You are so kind and thank you for sharing about your life and thanks for the compliments . I’m feeling a bit better. ❤️ Thanks so much
Ha yeah fuck the voices is right and you are so right -kids are very aware and can be mature. I told him I want to make sure his day will be special and he said “well then it will be” how awesome is that!? Thanks my friend. You’ve made my day in a big way. How are you?
I'm sorry this is turning out to be so tough. You seem to be saying that normally it wouldn't be, but you're in a bad place right now.
I have social anxiety as well, but one of the wonders of having a child is that whenever I feel awkward, I can just point to the kids and say, Look how cute they are! and I'm off the hook. I think, when kids are involved, as long as the focus stays on the kids then (1) the kids will have the most fun, and (2) the parents will have the most fun.
Sometimes when I'm around family, I also stress because I'm worried no one will be looking at for me. Well, that can be me looking out for me. And maybe I won't entertain my sister, or fill any of our age-old roles, either for entertaining each other or for fighting with each other, but I'm doing what's most important: keeping myself in good shape so I can be there for my kid.
I don’t think there’s anything I can say that hasn’t already been so perfectly said. 🙂 Focusing on your son, planning a work-rest schedule ... I think you’ve got this, my friend! 😊 And remember, we’re here 24/7, so feel free to get on here to talk during the party as needed. 💕 You’re doing GREAT, Starlight. ✨
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So yah…
Social anxiety has taken over so much of my Life 😔 
So hopeless
So very depressed
Why do I lie so much?
