He broke me so, so much, and I called it love

That stupid boy won me over in the best way, and broke me in the worst way - slowly, day by day, month by month ... and I called it love because I was silly and young and naive. As of late I've been having, well, nightmares about him, even though I actually got over him. In the nightmares he's a good guy. Isn't that funny that that's what the nightmares consist of? Him being a good guy. I wake up, blinking and confused, and then I remember - he isn't a good guy, which is why they're nightmares. Because going back to him is the most terrifying idea ever.

And I'm proud of me. Because you have to cut out what makes you less than yourself, you have to stop believing he's good for you. I told one of my best friends about the dreams, and she said I was "in denial" about my feelings for him, to which I flipped out at her slightly haha. Because the thing is, I'm totally not. I understand what he did to me, I see it now, and I'm never, ever going back to that. I'd rather be dead than let someone have that much of my soul again. Plus, I have gotten to the point where I consider him repulsive, stupid, annoying, etc.

(the rest of my best friends hate him and are proud of me, but this one lives right by his house and occasionally defends him and occasionally also ships us, to which I throw something light and stupid at her, like a box of kleenex or a pillow.)

Anyways. It's so totally over and I don't really believe in love anymore, but I think it's for the best, because I'm not ready to give my heart to anyone for a century. :-)

9 Replies

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  • Maybe your "nightmare" is a bit of wishful thinking of how you wish your next relationship to be. But as Freud once said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar".

    And to think I had to do all that work on recurring violent nightmares..... and you have a pleasant one that you are concerned with! Have a wonderful, good life. You have already kissed a toad, so maybe the next one turns out to be a prince. :)

  • Well, I have pretty scary nightmares too, just these have been the nightmares as of late haha.

  • Well, you go, girl! He didn't brake you, just bruised your heart a bit.....and it takes time to heal a bruise. :)

  • Very true haha

  • I think we have all been there. If your friend thinks he is so great then tell her to go out with him! Take care.

  • Haha thanks, I actually laughed at that - maybe that's what I'll tell her next time XD thank you!

  • Ha ha let me know what she says :) xx

  • My dear young one love will come again no relationship is perfect its how the two of you deal with the bad times have faith young one your heart will mend your soul will survive and life will be beautiful again and these are the words of ed lol.

  • Thank you, I appreciate it :-)

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