TICK TOCK — Cocoon is Closing Up- Just Venting ...... JUST LOST & LONELY

[Cocoon3]

As the time grows near to be in January 20 ..my stomach feels like it’s crawling with cancer, thinking of my soulmate, sweet /life sister /best friend for 29 years ••. Tomorrow will make 1 year that you died, passed away , left me, didn’t try & fight, maybe ur my guardian angel I don’t know — But this pain is wow!!! Sickening, Nausea- I’ve never felt with any other death .....such a hurtful, hollow, lost ache and I have lost many many ‘close’ loved ones. I even wrote a little note to my husband thanking him for loving me and for loving my “Ki”.. i’m actually battling quite a bit Right now... and when I go to talk to my husband about ANYTHING before I even finish my sentence he’s already walking off and then I say baby hang on I’m not finished and then he whips around and like sighs and looks at me .. really with hand motions like waving like hurry up hurry up.... then I am on some very strong antibiotics for staff infection (so they say) that I have had about a yr... ??? I Keep Getting Sores on my extremities that all end of up as a complete circle red around it and a very thin thin scab which in turn is sore but comes a crater ?????? I DONT KNOW.... but I’m having a very very weak moment mentally. I have attempted to do projects around the house but it’s actually in shambles- nothing accomplished, not 1 f***** Thing. I am so lonely & u know me and my husband have been together all day today , & he stays so tense, serious and acts as a PawPaw- doesn’t even see me when I’m right in front of him - no old friends I’ve checked on me none of Ki’s Family has checked on me , no family members that are all next-door to me ... no one !!!! I feel like I don’t even exist and ........ y’all I’m trying really hard (like I said I bought all my stuff to start painting again but I have to build up the energy to even pick up a brush and dip it in a small little bottle of red, blue or purple color. I’m tired of THREADING WATER..,,. Getting nowhere ... The first part of my life was full a lot of trials & traumas BUT, I had people around me , Who knew how to show they cared...that made me feel like I was important and that I would make it through and get past whatever I was going through, & do it automatically not as a job !! They would hold me, comfort me and NOW, the second part of my life is still trials, dramas and traumas BUT there’s no one to hold me ........big difference !! This forum is Great but..it somewhat makes me ‘yearn’ even more to have a friend, in person, face to face, to talk to, I know? f**** Life is NOT suppose to be this challenging !! ...I’m not giving up ‘yet’ but I’m just venting, I just feel like I’m closed up in a bubble the social butterfly has went back into her cocoon. the song (invisible) by Hunter Hayes is Dead-On. Thanks for listening 😘I’m not sure if I’ll be on here tomorrow , so goodnight everyone ! stay warm - COCOON IS CLOSING UP.

[Starrlight]

❤️ (((((((((Hug))))))) ❤️