I’ve never written anything on here before but need to get it out because I am really feeling the need to cut and haven’t in over a year. Was supposed to go to my daughters in Florida a couple weeks ago to see my granddaughters. The week before, my car was stolen. I was in complete shock, my anxiety went through the roof, paralyzed me. My daughter flipped out that we (my ex and I were going down together because I don’t drive distances and his car wouldn’t make it) weren’t coming, totally unempathetic to the fact that the car was stolen. She got mean, very very mean. Mocking me, talking to me like I was an idiot, just horrible. We hung up and those thoughts kept going through my head, you know, the worst thoughts, worthless, why be here anymore. I’m a little better than that now, I get weekly counseling and we talked about boundaries. But I can’t stop shaking, I’m a mess, nobody gets it at all. It’s like my system took a huge hit. Thank you for listening if anyone did. Have a nice day.
really want to cut: I’ve never written... - Anxiety and Depre...
really want to cut
Yes I am listening and I care. I am glad you are here with us posting.
Use the insurance money to get a new car and rearrange the trip.
I'm really sorry all that happened to you. Every single bit of that absolutely sucks big time! 🫂 What do you mean when you said cut? Is this a typo or do you actually mean do that to yourself?
Message me if you want
Hi Liam although you probably mean well it`s best to keep chats on the main thread more so with new users who aren`t familiar with each other.
Hi Kenseter. Ok cool. There's no probably about it. It was just giving the option. Thanks for being open.
those musical notes are very similar to a previous user guitar something just wondering if that was you.
I just joined a few days ago
Maybe Liam mc Gallagher
Lol good shout I'm going to put oasis on right now. Feeling like, this guitar man is isn't liked. Anyways. Great to chat with new people
Thank you for your response. Cutting is just that, not to commit suicide but to give a release of something, of emotions, of something. Only another cutter knows what the feeling is. It’s self harm and like a drug it’s a temporary fix, everything is always still there. Thanks for your support.
Lol that'd be sweet for him and others. Id like to share my respect and appreciate for you both protecting and caring for the one who posted. My apologies in that direction for taking over this chat. I just don't like seeing people hurting whenever already hurt. Thank you for being yourselves 🌊🤲🏻🔥
Hi Anxus - I totally get, going to the thing that will bring some calm to you (I'vebeen there)). But, as your therapist has hopefully said (if you've shared the issue with them),it's very temporary and it doesn't fix the issue. It sounds like they're working with you on setting boundaries with people who trigger you which is good. I don't know the situation you have with your daughter, but it sounds like she doesn't get that things happen in your life that are beyond your control that may be an inconvenience to her, and that's all she's thinking about instead of how it's affecting you.It seems like she needs boundaries of what to expect from you, and you need to decide what you are willing to give (more on the emotional giving of yourself, not sure if I can explain that right, but it sounds like you're trying your best to be there for her, what more can be expected)?
Thank you, everything you’ve said is spot on. I appreciate it, bringing me to”reality” or something, hard to think of words I’m so anxious and “shook” right now. But I know you know what I mean, so thank you, your words mean so much.
hello, well done for reaching out. Sometimes that’s the hardest hurdle to jump over!!
Couple of things to remember in
Circumstances like this. 1) she was dissapointed- she responded in anger and although that’s not ok in any respect, maybe she too was struggling with something. Maybe triggered her also. 2) her response isn’t a reflection of you but of her in that moment. 3) our kids know EXACTLY what buttons to press to hurt us the most. 4) the thoughts are only thoughts - try not to attach meaning to them. Remember - she was angry and disappointed. More than likely have little validity involved. 5) you have done amazing reaching out and talking through this instead of going back to the self harming behaviour. Thoughts are just that- allow them in but let them go and remind yourself with every intrusive ruminating thought that it can’t hurt you and it’s not reality.
It’s ok 👌🏻 everything is ok 👌🏻
Sending love and hugs xxxx
What a lovely reply!
Thank you for your support and intelligence, my counselor said some of that too. I appreciate your and everyone’s kindness so much. I guess reaching out was the right thing. I haven’t cut, reading everyone’s supportive messages. Thank you again so much.
Bless you so much please don't cut yourself and I know it's easy said than done but I have self harm since very young child and still have done but the last time I did cut myself I said to myself that it's not worth hurting myself anymore because I'm only hurting me and there's just no point or worth hurting myself it just makes me feel worse maybe for a few minutes it makes us feel bit better but afterwards it doesn't make any difference so its not worth cutting ourselves and that was a few weeks ago I did it I haven't done any self harm since my trauma pain is still there and not any better it hurts badly. I understand why you feel you need to cut but it will not make any difference to your situation or pain. I feel for you because it's so difficult for you but don't blame yourself it's not your fault that your car got stolen and you couldn't get to see your daughter and grandchildren some family members are being difficult and not seeing or understanding your situation you can't just get to her just like that without a car. Your daughter is being difficult not accepting your situation yes she maybe disappointed or upset you cannot get to her but its not your fault that you can't get to her yes she probably was looking forward to it but things happen maybe you could arrange another time with her once you have a car sorted out but it's not your fault so don't cut yourself just because you didn't get to see your daughter and grandchildren. It's just one of those things that someone stole your car and it's a horrible situation to be in I feel for you but it's not that you didn't want to see them. Don't let those thoughts be control over you the negatives thoughts are lies. Believe the truth which you have no control over what happens in life.
Thank you, my car was found damaged and is being fixed (they ripped it apart and took it for a joyride) so plans are in the works for a trip the end of next month. I’m hesitant, but by then I hope things will be back to normal. I know I have no control only my reaction to what happens- but oh that’s so difficult with anxiety and depression and ptsd. I just get so paralyzed and don’t know how to get out. Thank you for your words and understanding and offers of strength.
I understand how difficult it is being brought up with very difficult family members and myself being difficult as well but I'm more understanding when it comes to things like you can't do anything about to change the situation even when you have done your very best and hardest it's not enough and not your fault but they make it not easy as though it is your fault. Even though you can swear black and blue in the face but still they will not understand why and it feels like they are blaming me and many others who go through similar situation like me. Its not easy. Now I feel so alone and isolated as I live on my own I am waiting to go into MH housing my social worker is just waiting on housing for me to get a suitable place for me to be with others similar to my needs and the support there so I have someone to be supportive for me when I need it. I am looking forward to moving to be others who will understand me and get to know me.
I can't add much more to the lovely things people have said to you already, apart from I'm thinking of you and wishing you well. It does hurt when people are cruel, especially if they are family, but a previous poster was right when they said that your daughter was probably in a bad place mentally and took it out on you. I'm sure she will be ashamed of herself when she calms down. None of it has been your fault - treat yourself tenderly and gently today as the special person you are. xxx
Thank you for your lovely message, the support and generosity I’ve received on here has been so appreciated. Thank you so very very much.
Hello you.It sounds like a terrible experience you have just had and from your own daughter especially. I have very unkind family members that mock and abuse and one of my two children are completely disrespectful and destructive and try to vent that on me. I have made te choice to remove toxic influences from my life, and though it was painful, it has been so much better for me.
It hurts and ontop of that you have your own health issues that very few get and understand. All I can say is that I kind of get what you are going through, and while not pleasant I navigated a way through without family and children and it does improve through your own efforts and not expecting others to change.
Once you realise you are your greatest strength and source of healing and you access this daily, you will realise you are force of nature and need no others. The ones you do allow to share your life are the ones that should stay. You;ve got this...it tkes a bit of time and soul searching. Soldier on warrior!!
So sorry you are going through a tough time. People don't understand how difficult it is to live with anxiety and depression. I hope your daughter realizes her mistakes and apologize. I pray you find peace.
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