I saw my therapist yesterday. During the session I thought I was ok. But afterward, it threw me for a loop. I cannot get one thing she said out of my mind. It was just a question, "If you could support yourself right now, would you still be with your husband?"
I quickly said "Yes, I love him."
But now I feel like my thoughts are swirling. My husband and I are in a cycle, which I recognize as a person studying to become a therapist, as an abusive cycle. I suppose it would be called emotional neglect/abuse. He is a wounded person and when he gets triggered, he says things that really devastate me. Last week I self harmed over it. But then he becomes attentive and things are better for a while. Or do I just convince myself they are?
YUCK!!!!!!
Can I get healthy and remain healthy in a relationship where my husband admits he loves me as a companion, but not as a husband? Due to my mental illness I have not been able to work for 2 years. We are good parents together to my special needs daughter. We are compatible in many ways. I love him. BUT.......
I don't expect any answers from anyone. My mind is running and I feel weak. Ugh!
I hope we all can have a day where we recognize our blessings.
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AZ1970
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I once heard the term that some just feed off each others sickness.....and because we don't feel we are strong enough or worth enough to deserve better, we stay in this unhealthy situation. I did it when I was younger....I didn't feel emotionally and mentally healthy....and was in a relationship equally as unhealthy. It wasn't till my therapist told me so that a light bulb moment went on.....and maybe I wanted that fairytale and perceived notion that I once loved this person and we were kind and loving once, so that is what I was holding onto.....then it changed. So did I after a while.....and so too will relationships when we get healthier. We were raised on lies of 'happy ever after' fairytale's that we fall in love with our soul mate and are happy all our lives with that one person who is our everything. Lots of movies have happy endings like that....but they are not reality. All relationships take work, even the good ones.
Thank you. I am praying for guidance. I don’t feel like I am supposed to do anything right now. He did show signs tonight that he has taken to heart some concerns I have shared recently. Time will tell.
sometimes when faced with an ultimatum of change or move on, we can come to a point where we have either had enough of what is no working, or we work to fix it. It's just important to know when to move on.
You are for sure not alone in this. I am currently going through the same thing. Married someone who I thought would be the best person to be with in my life. I feel we became spouses to roommates. I have to say the same that I do love her, but there is that part as you said how she treats me where there is no love coming to me. I feel really hurt and neglected too.
Following these actions I built myself a defensive mechanism. I was sick of being treated this way and because of it I began to make moves to my advantage. The thing is with doing all this she doesn’t even realize it. Enough of my part. This is about you.
You need to take care of yourself, when your husband becomes negative towards you walk away. The negativity he is putting on you is poisonous to your health. Already you have your own battle to go against. He does as well but it should not be accepted to become yours. You are putting much effort to keep things leveled as he is not.
Self harming yourself is an indication this has gone to far. The last any of us want is for you to commit such. You need to take care of yourself and stay healthy physically and emotionally.
Praying for you. If you need to message me I am always open for such. Stay positive, there is always light on that side. 😊
You make some good points. I think it is so easy to become complacent in a relationship. You are right about the self harm. I know rejection and abandonment are my 2 biggest triggers due to my childhood. That’s the only time I feel compelled to self harm. Without me even saying anything tonight he admitted he was irritable. That is progress. He seems to have taken to heart the things I’ve said to him. All I can do is wait and see. The answer doesn’t come until we are ready for it. I appreciate your response and encouragement.
I understand about what you mean on the childhood part. It isn’t easy to come by and sneaks up on us from time to time. Good to know he admitted he was irritable. That is a plus. With you talking to him I give you much credit. You really have courage amongst yourself. Exactly, be patient and don’t expect things to get better at a certain time. Time will take care of itself. When the time is right it will be known. 😊
Yes we do need to count our blessings but is abuse a blessing. I have been abused most my life. I have found out family is toxic to us. My sister said something to me that set me back months if not years in my therapy. It hurts it but I now have a limited relationship with her. Hope this helps.
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A message from my ex
Feeling conflicted 
Feeling Alone and Lost
Am I crazy?
