I saw my therapist yesterday. During the session I thought I was ok. But afterward, it threw me for a loop. I cannot get one thing she said out of my mind. It was just a question, "If you could support yourself right now, would you still be with your husband?"
I quickly said "Yes, I love him."
But now I feel like my thoughts are swirling. My husband and I are in a cycle, which I recognize as a person studying to become a therapist, as an abusive cycle. I suppose it would be called emotional neglect/abuse. He is a wounded person and when he gets triggered, he says things that really devastate me. Last week I self harmed over it. But then he becomes attentive and things are better for a while. Or do I just convince myself they are?
Can I get healthy and remain healthy in a relationship where my husband admits he loves me as a companion, but not as a husband? Due to my mental illness I have not been able to work for 2 years. We are good parents together to my special needs daughter. We are compatible in many ways. I love him. BUT.......
I don't expect any answers from anyone. My mind is running and I feel weak. Ugh!
I hope we all can have a day where we recognize our blessings.