What is Really Going On?

[Olinick]

The depression has been so bad the past two weeks that I haven't even had the motivation to come on here. I had the week between Christmas and New Years off and usually I do things with friends. This is my first Christmas since my mother died in June but for the past two years she had been living near my sister is in Pennsylvania, about 4 1/2 hours from me. So I haven't been her caregiver anymore and wasn't thinking the holidays would bother me. Well for the entire break from school I only went to one friend's house on Christmas Day and I felt when she invited me she was only doing it because she felt she had to. She was supposed to contact me later in the week for us to get together again but she never did. I realize she has a lot on her plate as she is her parent's caregiver and her father refuses to have any help come into the house. So I can get why she doesn't contact me and try to let it bother me but it does. Another friend of mine, who I do a lot with, stopped calling me. I would call her and get the answering machine which was unusual. I would leave a message but she would never return my calls. By the end of the vacation I felt totally alone. I dreaded going back to school because I figured everyone would be asking how my vacation was. I figured I would exagerrate how "wonderful" my vacation was with the few things I did on my own. Except only one other teacher asked me. My classroom is set apart from the other rooms so I am alone where I work. This just added to what I was feeling over vacation. The first day back to school my friend who wasn't returning my calls did finally call me. Turns out she was sick and had gone to the doctor that day. I felt much better after that call so my mood went up again. Next day I called her to she how she was feeling but once again I just got the answering machine and she didn't return my call. We always go out for dinner on Friday night but she still didn't return my call and I hate calling and only getting the answering machine. Saturday morning she called me back and said not only was she still sick but she has been having to help out some friends again (it is a tough situation for this other family) so initially I felt better again. A part of me still feels that she isn't totally being honest. I had also texted the other friend Saturday but she has yet to return my message. Am I making a bigger thing out of this than I should be? Is this just my lack of trust in people and my little self confidence causing me to feel this way? There have been some other incidences in the past month at work where I also felt left out so is it just a coincidence that this is all happening at the same time and my friends are really there for me? I don't know but still feel totally alone.

[Strongheartforever]

You are sensitive now, emotionally vulnerable, and giving too much power to these sad thoughts, maybe taking things personally that you shouldn’t. Folks have their own lives, and we are all wrapped up in our own stuff, not meaning to hurt others when we get tied up and tangle the lines of communication. Let it go. Reschedule. Be patient with them as you’d like them to be with you. This is what happens in friendships, you tweak away and find the time here and there and hope they understand when you’re not perfect and vice versa. Have faith in them. Know they mean well. Be patient and communicate that you need a bit more care and time if they can spare some. Lots of empathy and sympathy for the loss of your mother. She’ll send you wisdom and guardian angels so keep an eye out.

[Ripley7]

Hello- I agree with strongheartforever. It sounds like there just might be a lot going on in their lives at the moment where they aren’t able to be as social as they’d like to be sometimes. We can’t always anticipate when certain things come up that get in the way of the things we’d rather be doing otherwise.

With me I can often get so wrapped up in my own affairs that when my sister calls I might let it go to voicemail intending on calling her right back in a little bit but before you know it it’s the next day or so before I do. It’s nothing personal on her.

Try to be patient and not let your sad thoughts take over. Maybe try to stay busy to distract yourself from worrying in between your attempts to reach out to them.

Also, I wouldn’t worry about going as far as exaggerating about your vacation to anyone. It’s no contest or anything. If you didn’t do much then say so. Oftentimes it’s just for quick conversation- they don’t need a play by play.

So sorry about your mom’s passing. Going through your first Christmas since then must have been extremely difficult to say the least. Sending you lots of positive energy. ❤️

[Olinick in reply to Ripley7]

Thank you for your reply. I am trying to keep myself busy in other ways and looking for other and maybe even new social outlets. For so many years I was busy working and caring for my parents, I lost myself in the process. It is a push to get out to doing other things but I am trying.

[Hidden]

You recently lost your mom and the holidays are terribly difficult for those of us who miss love ones. It is totally normal for you to grieve and feel lonely. I can't say what your friends are thinking but there are times I tell myself "a story" and not the truth about other's intentions. It is best in communication to be up front and take their words at face value unless you have evidence to the contrary. You aren't alone. You are precious and loved. Focus on one day at a time.

[Olinick in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply. I am learning to take it one day at a time or at least trying. If I could start to get more sleep that would probably help as well. The more tired I am the more sensitive I become.

[Ripley7 in reply to Olinick]

I’ve had recent issues regarding sleeplessness, as well. My thoughts are racing and my mind won’t settle down so I can’t fall asleep. I was running on fumes the past several days and was in a complete fog.

I’m reluctant to take sleep meds because I don’t want to sleep so deep that I don’t get up on time in the am.

So I’ve been taking a couple low dose Melatonin (2@ 5mg ea.)before bed and making sure to keep up with my vitamins. Also I’m very routine so I’m trying to get back to a usual routine before bed so it helps me unwind as I’m getting ready for bed.

I dare say it’s been working fairly well, so far. That hasn’t helped any in the quality of sleep however- just in falling asleep. I think the quality of my sleep will start to improve when I get better manage the stress in my life.

Hopefully, some of this info might help you.

😊

[Olinick in reply to Ripley7]

I had to laugh when you said you do two low dose (5mg tablets) melotonin. I have finally progressed to where I can tolerate one 3mg tablet. For years I could only do a quarter of a 1mg tablet. My body is so sensitive. As far as the sleep issues, my problem is more that I DON'T sleep it isn't that I CAN'T sleep. I regularly have nightmares so I tend to avoid going to bed but I am working on it and recently had a night where I got 6 straight hours of sleep. The melotonin and/or clonopin have been a help but I just have to get into a regular routine and fight through the nightmares.

[jkl5500]

I'm so sorry that your holidays were rough. I know it's hard not to take it personally when a friend doesn't respond to your call. And that feeling of being "all alone" is a scary one, but it's usually an overreaction. Other people have all kinds of problems to deal with, maybe things we don't even know about, and they're not always going to respond right away. Don't automatically think that something's wrong with you. I'm sure you're a good person who's just going through a rough stretch right now.

[Olinick in reply to jkl5500]

Thanks so much for your reply. I am working to expand my network of friends now and am thinking of moving to another place where there will be more social interaction than where I live now. One of my friends has also been back to her old self and we talk regularly again. I am in a much better place than I was a week ago. I am also learning to enjoy my time alone and trying to find things to occupy my time.