I need some words of encouragement please. My family and their behaviors are crushing my soul. Husband is emotionally unaware, uses weaponized incompetence to avoid responsibility, and makes himself the center of any personal need or frustration I try to share. His family is run by two matriarchs who are narcissistic and treat me poorly or dismissively but expect to be treated like queens and revered. Teen daughter is totally self absorbed, thinks of only herself and also avoids responsibility. Last semester she had three F’s and a couple D’s on her report card, was caught vaping at school and has her whole identity caught up in other peoples opinions. In October our daughter in her early twenties moved in due to financial hardship, this has been the hardest part. She hadn’t been dealing with several issues and ended up getting her license suspended, she had tickets, expired tags and had never put oil in her car, causing the engine to seize and be destroyed.
I’m so good about maintaining boundaries for myself and my own care but lately it’s impossible. The people around me are killing my soul and I’m finding myself going to dark places in my mind. I could use any words of advice or encouragement, just feeling desolate and dreading having to go through the holidays like this.
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I agree with ICEolation, that is a lot to deal with all at once. I’m sorry I have no advice for you. I am not spending time with family for these kinds of intense bad feelings. I want to enjoy their company but I just get so anxious and tense around them. Thanks for sharing though, you are definitely not alone with the family stuff. I hope venting here is a help.
I’ve seriously considered getting my own place. Not a divorce, but just somewhere I can go that stays in order and is peaceful. It sucks to be the emotionally healthy one in the house that goes to therapy and solves problems, they’re leaning on me so heavily I feel like I’m going to collapse.
I can definitely relate. (In fact, after reading it I had to jump up and see if my daughters were still at home — I thought they might have moved in with you. But no, they’re still here; must just be kindred spirits in your house.)
One of my daughters has treatment-resistant depression. When she spirals down we have to disconnect or she’ll take me down with her. We both know this, so it is what it is, but it still sucks as a father to not be able to be there for her.
I’d reduce time with the in-laws though; they have no claim to your energy or shine. In the end, though, just do the best that you can. I, for one, will congratulate you on a splendid job!
Thank you for your response, I appreciate it so much. She is actually living in the room I use for my alone time, so I don’t have a space to escape to right now. I’ve been staying in my bedroom just isolating and playing mindless games on my phone. She is supposed to move by January 15th but doesn’t have quite enough saved right now to do it. I can foresee that will be the next problem I have to help her figure out or fund if I ever want my life back.
There's a lot going on there, it's natural to feel overwhelmed when multiple people in your life are behaving as you described. Maybe when you go to your room for a moment on your own you start by getting back in touch with yourself.
Try to remember happier times and what you enjoyed as a child be it playing outside, reading, learning, the friends who you felt comfortable with because you probably still do.
Working out why you are where you are now will take time, whatever way I look at where I am in my life now, I realise it is because of a series of choices I made and is likely true for many.
Having it explained that our lives are shaped more than we realise by the beliefs of others at an age when we believed everything we were told helped me, because that awareness allowed me over time to live my life more in harmony with myself and take the necessary steps to seperate myself from people who drained my energy.
You are indeed experiencing a lot, dealing with narcissistic people is the absolute worse’! And on top of that they are your in-laws. I would avoid that all cost, but that isn’t really an option for you . But is it possible to limit your interactions? I am guessing your husband isn’t much help on this topic either?
I'm so sorry. I don't see how anyone can thrive when surrounded by abusive people. I've been through this myself, I'm sure millions of people have - so it's not your fault. I agree with other's response to this. You do need to get away from this, however you feel is the right way. Keep writing here for support.
That's tough and sad, you must take a stand against that nonsense but be careful of your 100 dependant on your husband and his family that will likely backfire. So sorry you have to put up with that. You stay positive and focus on yourself, if they come at you, you MUST MUST, shut down that behavior of they're condescending, disrespectful belittling, you gotta turn that back on then with facts, you are an adult and deserve the respect they think the deserve. Like I said though be careful people are crazy these days. You are vibrant, beautiful, talented and deserving of respect and success. Don't be afraid of bullies, they lack what you have that's why they do what they do, wish I was there to deal with that, over been to war he I on nyc and traveled the globe I take a few jail days to show them they ain't all that. Hope this helps. Cheers
Sounds to me as if you are at the mercy of a whole load of Narcissists or as I call 'em Emotional Vampires. They suck all the joy right out of you, don't they? I remember it well.
Do you have family on your side? Do they know what is getting you down? is it possible you could go visit them? Without the husband and daughters?
There are other things I could suggest, but one thing at a time.
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