Getting too close to the edge

[AZ1970]

Hello everyone,

The past 48 hrs have been very rough for me. I won't go into the story behind it, but I have been on the verge of panic all day. I had a panic attack last night. I normally take a Klonopin twice a month and I had two yesterday and just took one tonight. If this keeps going, I will end up in the hospital again. I have been there 4 times in 2 years. I DO NOT want to go back. This is not a medication issue anyway. It is situational. I have some tough decisions to make.

My progression into crisis goes like this:

1. Increased anxiety

2. constant anxiety and cry easily, stomach upset and shakiness

3. anxiety attacks

4. Panic attacks

5. Self harm images, cannot be around certain objects ( I have never acted on these thoughts, but they scare me)

6. Suicidal images which increase in frequency and scare me really bad.

7. Hospital

Tonight I am on number 4. I reached out to my case manager. My therapist is on vacation until next week. I am doing everything I can to intervene.

Please send me prayers and good thoughts.

[Underthestressvibe]

Hi.. I'm new here and I do understand to a certain degree. When I am having major panic issues, I tell myself ALOUD that I truly dont care about the issue that is causing upset. I ask. "will this matter in 5 days. 5 years "! Usually.. No. Keeping you in my prayers tonight. 🤗

[AZ1970 in reply to Underthestressvibe]

Thank you. I can normally use that. It really does work. I appreciate your prayers.

[Underthestressvibe in reply to AZ1970]

You are welcome!! It does help me in a pinch. I'm alone if not at work, usually. Very strange and quiet after ending my long term relationship for my sanity fragments. Please hang in there. One minute at a time... 💕

[Manci]

Prays to you! You can manage to go through this ❤️

[AZ1970 in reply to Manci]

Thank you!

[jkl5500]

You will be in my prayers tonight. Go to the ER if things are getting critical for you.

[AZ1970 in reply to jkl5500]

I will. I’m doing ok at the moment. I’m watching TV in bed and relaxing.

[Needtovent]

Hello there. Sorry to hear of your struggles. You know yourself well and its good that you came here. I’m beating myself up for taking an Ativan today and generally needing it more often these past few weeks -also for situational issues. Do you have a regular medication that you take to stay a bit more even in your mood i.e. one of the SSRI’s for example. I’m starting to think that i may need to go back to mine, as my symptoms are increasing. Like you, i know my hierarchy and i fear i’m Going to lose my appetite soon which also includes difficulty eating even if i force myself. And i don’t have an eating disorder, its just how my anxiety / depression seems to manifest (though its been close to 5 years that i’ve Been pretty stable. Can you make yourself a plan for the next few days until you can see your therapist to talk through the current situation ? what can you do that will keep you busy and thus occupy your mind. Put away the Xmas decorations, clean the desk, or better yet, get out and walk or some other form of exercise. Can you talk with your case manager about these tough decisions? Or someone else. That is the source, I’m guessing and once you get through some of them, you’ll see that you will survive. I have to continually remind myself that these situations will not hurt me - it is the worry that they create that we have to get beyond... I”m still trying too.

Good wishes and prayers are sent forth. Talk more if you’d like.

[AZ1970 in reply to Needtovent]

Thank you for this response. I am on a good med combo. Cymbalta and lamictal. I have an art therapy day program I can attend. Art is my refuge. I will go every day if I need to. As far as decisions go, I will talk to my therapist. I’ve decided on one boundary today and communicated it. As long as I can keep my stress level down and my mind busy I should be able to pull through. My nervous system feels like it has a sunburn. You know how the sun feels when you have a bad sunburn? That’s how my nervous system feels with stress right now.

[Needtovent in reply to AZ1970]

I know exactly what you mean. My anxiety sometimes causes these ‘rushes’ as I call them. They’re like hot flashes (don’t know if you know what those are like. Lol) but of my nerves. Twinges. But the good news is, that sunburn is not real. Try placing your hand right where you feel it, tell it to go away, and more powerful yet - go to the cross of Jesus!

[Hidden in reply to Needtovent]

My deceased wife used to make fun of me for having hot flashes that I had no idea why I was having. Anxiety I know all too well. Xanax is my drug of choice. Good to know I'm not alone on the issue.

[kkat37]

Hi! Sending you lots of prayer and love that this panic turns to praise in Jesus name! I petition to the Lord on your behalf that anxiety be removed from you and you back up on these steps and you don’t have to go further down your list. I pray that God give you the peace that passes all understanding and that you can be ok!

Know you have already won!—The truth is, God has already won the battle. “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 15: 57–58

[AZ1970 in reply to kkat37]

Kkat, amen! Thank you for the prayers and reminders.

[CoppiBoonen]

I had depression and anxiety that morphed into major depression after getting PTSD after a physical assault that resulted in a serious eye injury. I'm in the midst of an episode right now. They always seem to hit me on vacation! I keep repeating to myself mantras like "Right here, right now" to center myself in the present; "I love you, I forgive you" to relieve the anger towards those who hurt me; and "This, too, will pass." For me, physical exercise is the best treatment, but when I'm depressed it's difficult, so I stretch and lift light weights. Do what you can to get through the day. My prayers are with you!

[Finx]

I am just reading this post after your reply to mine. Can you tell me about the hospital visits. I don’t want to go and I see you said you don’t want to go back. Is it as awful as I fear?