Feeling upset/angry

[Eggsandbacon]

So it had come to light that boyfriend of 7 years has been txting his old crush from 8 years ago. Saw a glimpse of the convo, but not enough to see who initiated the conversation. Tried to ask him in the most calm way if there is ANYTHING I should know about of it there is anything going on. Needless to say New Years even and New Year’s Day where pretty crappy since I finally decided to confront him as to why is he having contact with an old crush.

It was pretty clear and stablished that anyone from our past relationships where really history, and there was no need for any of us to keep in contact just to avoid any messy situations.

Now he denied any contact, when I told him I saw them txting he happens to recall “well maybe we did talk for a bit”

I know I shouldn’t have to go through his phone to believe him, but with his consent I did, and so it happens that their conversation was “accidentally deleted” and all that was left was from Monday’s convo a brief exchange of words.

Now the whole things has me extremely upset and in a way paranoid.

I’m a firm believer that if there is NOTHING to hide why even lie about it on the first place?

Why deny that there might have been another contact with an old crush if it was just a friendly encounter? Why pretend to forget about it and then when confronted in the spot miraculously remember?

The one I really can’t get over right now: why delete the conversation if there was nothing to hide or feel compromise of?

I would really like to get some perspective of the male gender to seen if there is any sense as to any of his actions.

I’ve invested way too long of my time in thins relationship to now how to reach a point where I feel like I don’t know who he is.

I would hate to continue to drag this out any longer, but would also hate to reach rashly if there is nothing to worry about.

I’m feeling that throat (knot like) feeling when you want to say something or let something out, and you can’t. I feel angry, disappointed, confused, concerned and low energy.

Unmotivated to want to get out of bed and do anything.

I can’t let this hold me back, but also can’t see myself to get up. 😞😞

-G&B-

[Florida1959]

It doesn’t feel like you have much to worry about, except your perception of it, yiu need to ask him straight, and accept his answer or decide whether he is worth it, only you know who he is, try not to get too paranoid, tryst is a big think and once you start losing it, it’s a rocky road, t c x

[Eggsandbacon in reply to Florida1959]

So he brought up “break up” to the table.

That feels like a red flag. I’m just trying to find a solution and ways to move forward

[Florida1959 in reply to Eggsandbacon]

Sending you blessings x

[Eggsandbacon in reply to Florida1959]

Thank you 🤗

[tea42]

Hi! To me trust is something major in a relationship- very foundational. So if you are having difficulties with him because of his recent questionable behavior, then you really should get it all out- how this is making you feel. And perhaps remind him of the commitment you both had made to put all those other people ( relationships) in the past and leave them there. Also , women have instincts about these things. And I, too, would be wondering why he deleted those texts.....

Not to be suspicious, but just let him know your true feelings . Then observe how he responds. Is he willing to stop texting her if it makes you uncomfortable? And how would he feel if it was the other way around?

[Eggsandbacon in reply to tea42]

Also allegedly girl wants to work out with him?

If you see my bf you can clearly see he isn’t the working out type!

I feel like the more we talk about it, the less sense any of it makes 😣

If he wouldn’t have “accidentally” deleted anything maybe the bits n pieces he seems to recall would not sounds as incriminating.

Like FL1959 said “it’s all about perception”

There could have been nothing in that conversation, but by deleting it just makes it seem like maybe he thought there could be.

Either way it’s been 4 days and I still can’t get over it.

[Hidden]

I know you said you wanted some male perspective, but I’m a female. Something definitely isn’t adding up with what is going on with him. You know what you seen. I would’ve taken screenshots of the conversation & read the entire thing! Lol. But that’s just me.

Yes, trust is a big thing, but you also caught your partner red handed! That’s totally not cool. I seen your response to someone else. So now he’s thinking you guys should break up?

I think you need to think long & hard about what kind of life you want to lead in 2019. This is a new year. If this man is willing to disrespect you, lie to you, & put your relationship on the line... Is that someone you really want to share your life with?

I think there’s something really up with your partner. I would sit down & talk to him about it. Be respectful. Listen intently. Don’t assume. But don’t let him control the conversation or try to get out of it either.

You deserve someone who doesn’t lie to you. I hope you get the answers you’re looking for. I know this isn’t easy. I’ve been there & done all of this! Good luck & stay strong! Xoxoxo

[Eggsandbacon in reply to Hidden]

Thank you 🤗🤗

So my solution was, block and delete the individual since they have no actual value in our life

I trust that this is a start to at least some compromise.

We shall see what is there to come 🤷🏻‍♀️