Feeling so angry right now

I am feeling so much anger and rage at the moment after visiting my dad today. He is an alcoholic and I decided to check on him today after he send me weird text this morning. I then totally exploded (which was probably about time) and drove up there. I found him completely drunk in his couch surround by garbage, bin bags, rotten food, cigarette smoke and a really messy place. It was shocking. He lost so much weight and doesn’t seem to be able to take care of himself. He already went to rehab 3 times in the last 8 months. It’s getting worst and worst. The worst is that he has no shame or understanding of what he puts himself and me through. It’s a nightmare. How do I get these images out of my head? I don’t know what to do except taking him to rehab in the morning (again). Why do I feel this rage? Is that normal? I started going to AA meetings but unfortunately due to lockdown here in Germany the meetings aren’t happening for the next few weeks. 🙄

[kenster1]

sorry to hear that hopefully something inside makes him see the light my brother is the same he cut us off completely after our dad died we tried everything for years but he chose the drink.

[Carmen810]

So sorry you have to deal with this. It’s hard when the one person who is supposed to be the one you lean on and look up to is the one you feel obligated to care for. In a sense it feels like role reversal. My story is similar in many ways. My mom was also an alcoholic and heavy smoker. She also had an opioid addiction that she kept secret for most of my life. She passed suddenly after her long battle with COPD and drug and alcoholism at 60. That was almost 12 years ago. All you can do is realize your dad has inner battles and be there to help him the best you can. As my mother did too with anxiety and depression. It’s so very hard to be the caregiver. And I believe it does make you a people pleaser along with having anxiety and depression as you are wanting to make everything around you better to compensate. I hope it gets better for you. Chat anytime! I feel like we have a lot in common.

[Hidden]

I'm not sure what to say. I feel bad for what you're going through. Your dad needs to learn how to help himself outside of rehab. Maybe you two can have a heart to heart talk when he's sober.

[Laurennnnnnn]

I’m so sorry about that, I’m in a similar situation with my mom and it’s the hardest thing for me to deal with.

As for AA meetings, they might have some online ones right now. There also are ones that are just for family members of alcoholics and I heard those are good.

But tbh, and I hate to say this, what’s helped me heal most is creating an emotional barrier. I moved out, I don’t visit often. It sucked and I missed her at first but I cannot control her decisions and I need to do what’s best for me (and I know deep down that’s what she’d want).

[SuZQ154]

Your situation is hard and it sounds like you have done A LOT to try to help. I understand your anger and frustation!

Are you taking care of YOU? What would taking care of yourself well look like?

[Hidden in reply to SuZQ154]

Sorry for myself late response. I am feeling so overwhelmed by this situation at the moment. I try and do out for a walk almost every single day to get some fresh air. I started seeing a holistic practitioner once a week. I have recently started with an oxygen mask training to improve my overall well-being and to help with me anxiety and depression. I guess the hardest part of truly taking care of myself is staying away from him. 😌

[Shivedita]

You try to see it in context. It is okay to feel angry and outragious. The condition of your father is no normal and you have to take it into account. I would suggest to not take it seriously and to not make much sense out of everything except that your father needs to get better!

Hope it helps.

[babyjsmama]

I took care of an drug addict brother for years who is 20 years older than me. I mean fully supported him. I didnt have the heart to just kick him out. A part of me felt sorry for him but a part of me was so angry because I couldn’t have a normal life. I couldn’t invite people over because all his friends were always over. What made me take the step to cut ties was the birth of my daughter. About 8 months later he went to rehab and came out clean and stayed clean. We moved out of state and he is a big part of mine and my daughters life. Sometimes you have to let people hit bottom where there is nowhere to go but up. It’s the hardest thing in the world to do. I completely understand your anger. It makes you mad that you care more about him than he does about himself.