1st time here

[Beachcomber75]

Hi, I'm 43, been in a pretty loving relationship for 4 yrs & have 2 kids. We both work pretty blue collar jobs but managed to what I thought make a dream come true & move to a beach community about a year and a half ago. My fiance found a job he likes and still has right of the bat. I took the 1st reasonable thing I could find but the late night hours away from my family were killing me so I quit about 3 months after the move.We had enough savings to carry us a few months but I still kept looking. During this month of job hunting I went from running 3 miles a day to becoming "frozen" trying to walk around an outdoor event with my family. My legs started trembling & my bf had to go get the car & pick me up. I felt like my legs just "forgot how to work" definitely when trying to run but it also happened several times just out & about. Of course I started googling every medical condition under the sun & finally broke down & went to a clinic as I hadn't had helath insurance in years. The doctor tested me for everything & couldn't find anything. I broke down bawling my eyes out & she prescribed a very mild anxiety med, buspar. Somehow, 2 wks later, I managed to control my shakes enough to navigate what must've been a 1 mile walk through a hospital to secure another crappy food service supervisor position. I look back at that day & pray it never happens again. I literally felt handicapped. Somehow I worked there another few months, I had a few shakey bouts but was able to pretend I had a running injury for the most part. Eventually I guess the buspar kicked in and it stopped but I started suffering from horrible depression. As of December of this year I hadn't drank alcohol in 2 years and don't miss it but am considering going back because it seems I find myself wishing I were dead more days than not. I should mention the doctor put me on bupropion about 5 months ago for depression but I don't think it's helping. I can cry at the drop of a hat, get incredibly frustrated & have some serious suicidal ideation going on. I still get up every day & go to work etc & there are some good family days but it's awful for the most part. I've been through much worse circumstances & didn't crack like this. I don't know if it's an age/hormonal thing or what but although depression runs in my family (my mom took her life), I just don't understand why I'm losing it now. I love my family, we have a roof & food & live in a beautiful place. I just don't know what to do. Thanks for reading.

[hypercat54]

Hi nice to meet you and welcome to the site. You really are going through the mill aren't you and I am wondering if you are starting the change of life? I know you are quite young for this but I was only 42 when I started.It doesn't cause more problems but it can and certainly does make existing ones feel worse. I went on HRT which helped a lot.

Of course it might just (I say just but it can be disabling) be anxiety so I advise you to keep going back to the doctor until you find something which helps. Also how about counselling? Don't forget you have had a lot of change - moving area and house and a new job so things could settle down after a while.

Have you had your vitamin levels checked? Especially B12 as lack of this can cause symptoms like yours. How about your iron levels? Have you been tested for anemia?

I hope you find some answers. Meanwhile stay with us her and we will help and support you all we can. x

[Beachcomber75 in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks for responding. I take all the vitamins & supplements that are recommended & eat well. It could be partially the change I guess. The Dr. I've been seeing is just a GP at a clinic. It's just a task to coordinate an appointment with my schedule & my insurance will be running out soon. I went to one therapy appointment & she just asked about my life history & I again bawled my eyes out & felt worse than when I got there. I keep reading how people went on this med or that one & they keep having to switch & it takes forever to find one that works & it seems just like a new fresh hell. The same with finding a therapist that you connect with & how long it takes. I just don't have have the schedule or patience to keep folliwing through with all these things that may or may not work or possibly make me feel worse. I guess I've answered my own question.

[hypercat54 in reply to Beachcomber75]

You still need checking. For example if you are lacking in vitamin B12 (the nervous system vitamin) then taking supplements might not be enough to help or your body might not be able to use it taken orally. Sometimes only an injection of this can help. x

[lillyofthevalley37]

My advice is to take flaxseed oil and fish oil for the omega 3 it's well known that omega 3 helps depression the reason it does is that it helps to make serotonin in our brain lack of serotonin may not be the problem but it would be good to check that , maybe the beach community isn't all you hoped it would be but you can't admit it , again I could be wrong I think though it would help if you could identify the problem there is a reason either it's chemical in the brain or circumstancial - seek and you shall find

[art62grammie]

I agree menopause is hell. I am 56 and went through it. It sucks. I know pre-menopause stinks too. It can take years to get through the change. It can take ten years. I know how you feel.