First time here...

[ilovetacoma]

I have been suffering from Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Major depressive disorder, Agoraphobia, and Social Anxiety Disorder for about 5 years now, and I don't know what to do. I talk to my partner who I have been with for 12 years next month and I talk to friends, but they don't understand me. My partner suffers from generalized anxiety, but not to the severity that I do. I am hoping to find people like me who understand.

Night before last I had my 2nd panic attack, I hadn't had one in about 3 years, and it just broke me. I realized that I have this constant internal monologue with myself. I understand it's "thoughts" but to me it sounds like a voice, and it sounds like me. I am supposed to trust my thoughts; aren't I? It basically goes like this:

ME #1: "Hey! I think your throat might be closing up, it's time to panic."

I panic slightly, massaging my throat.

ME #2: "Don't worry about it. What you're feeling isn't real, you just need to take a pill and try to think about something else, and breathe."

ME #1: "But think about it, what if the pill is just masking the real problem. Oh oh, now you are feeling dizzy, and is that major pressure in your head? You're going to die and it's all because you didn't listen to me."

I get up and start pacing as my heart races, my legs feel weak, I am about to throw up, my palms are sweating, I'm shaking, I'm hyperventilating, and I cry. I haven't cried in years. I assumed because of all the pharmaceuticals I'm ingesting numbs me.

This 2nd panic attack was scarier than the first because now I'm faced with asking myself, "What is real?"

Called my doc's office and he relayed a message through the nurse to me. "He says to tell you, it's ok to take an additional pill and know that panic attacks are hard because they are random and can happen at any time. Just breatheeeeeeeeee." I mumbled a soft, "ok," but I was really thinking, "Seriously? That's it?"

I tell her my above episode and ended it with, "How do I know what's real?" Silence for a few seconds and then, "So like he said, you can take an extra clonazePAM and then back to your normal schedule." Which I don't know if he told her, but normal schedule is attempting to take me off clonazePAM indefinitely.

Maybe it's time for a new doctor.

I'm sorry to you all for rambling, but I truly appreciate you reading my story. I am hoping to hear some of yours as well.

[jjb1983]

I am like this I have anxiety for 8 year now I can go years with no panic attacks although anxiety symptoms are always in my head. I'm suffering at the min. And it's taking a while to get a hold of this time. I had a lot of coping strategies the last time which don't work now.

When your in an attack how long do they last?

Hope your feeling better

Jjb1983

[ilovetacoma in reply to jjb1983]

Thank you for replying. Mine lasted about an hour or so. It was so hard to get past it. I still hear the voice of doubt, but she's softer now.

Prior to the attack I hadn't taken Clonazepam in 12 days a record breaker for me. My guess though is that doc and I need to reevaluate my stopping it entirely.

I hate being scared all the time.

I hope you are feeling better soon. Do you have a trigger or are yours random as well?

[jjb1983 in reply to ilovetacoma]

Mine are out of the blue don't think there is triggers, well saying that also I've had like a pulled muscle feeling in my stomach area and I'm sat thinking what can it be what can it be.

Maybe have a face to face app with your doc. I don't know what clonazepam are sorry, are they like diazepam? I have these in 2mg.

Are you in the UK?

See if there are any support groups you can attend.

I've started meditation only recently and it feels good.

Jjb1983

[ilovetacoma in reply to jjb1983]

I'm in the US and yes I think it's like diazepam. The US definitely throws you fairly quickly into meds, and I honestly don't know if I would have been able to handle the real world with out it.

I think I've found my trigger. It seems to be when I have trouble breathing. It kind of starts out with feeling like there is going to be a reason for me not to be able to breathe, and then it just all goes downhill.At the moment I’m considering looking for a new psychiatrist. I just don’t know that the doctor I have now is able to find the right medication combo for me.

[jjb1983 in reply to ilovetacoma]

If they calm you down i would use them.

Here doctors are reluctant to hand them out I only ever get 7tablets 2mg and they won't give a long course. I have just printed some forms out to try and help me notice what triggers are.

Type in your search bar stress and anxietytracker there are some great self help sites out there.

I have the breathing thing a lot to but I put it down to feeling anxious or thinking about something like an anxious symptom.

Try this website if it works

getselfhelp.co.uk/freedownl...

Jjb1983

[ilovetacoma]

I'm in the US and yes I think it's like diazepam. The US definitely throws you fairly quickly into meds, and I honestly don't know if I would have been able to handle the real world with out it.

I think I've found my trigger. It seems to be when I have trouble breathing. It kind of starts out with feeling like there is going to be a reason for me not to be able to breathe, and then it just all goes downhill.At the moment I’m considering looking for a new psychiatrist. I just don’t know that the doctor I have now is able to find the right medication combo for me.