I don’t know where to start.
My childhood was great when I wasn’t at home, like the movies Sandlot, Stand by me & Goonies all in one. A small neighborhood in Indiana
When I was at home my mother showed very little love or had my back. She would put me through traumatizing situations for her own amusement. The one person you look to for comfort & acceptance & to tell you “ everything is gonna be ok”.
My father worked a lot & was mostly negative. Always comparing us to other kids & say “Why can’t you be more like him” I don’t have any memories of them being effectionate towards each other. They divorced.
I’m my early teens I became a loner & somewhat antisocial, taking long walks in the winter talking to Jesus because he seemed to be the only friend I could talk to
High school in the 80’s wasn’t that great, I flunked damn near everything & got an ulcer my sophomore year. Being 6’ 6” I stood out. Was great at basketball but never played do to my grades. The principle told me his 6 year old kids were smarter than me. I was made fun of by teachers in front the class. All the hurt, embarrassment & abandonment was swallowed & hiden while my face put on its disguise. I found joy in playing sports & playing in a band. anything that was “team” based
Long story longer, I’m an introvert, very insecure with no social or relationship skills. I have avoidant attachment problems & the two emotions I learned from my parents “ humor & anger” so relationships never lasted long.
Being alone was never a problem , until I met a woman 13 years younger than me. I through everything at her, all my insecurity’s, indecisiveness & avoidance problems & she stuck with me. I fell in love. After 9 years she leaves me for a younger guy, abandoned again but I don’t blame her. I’ve never been more destroyed in my life & I couldn’t just swallow the pain. Had a nervous breakdown at work & was out for 3 months
I’m 48 now, suffering from hypothyroidism, plaque psoriasis, severe depression, anxiety & alone. I have body pain 24 hours a day that stops me from sports & music, the only things that brought me joy. Every night I pray that I don’t wake up. I work alone all day & alone at night. No real friends & my two brothers are not helpful. I cry at the drop of a hat. I’ve seen the mental doctors & have taken many antidepressants, but they don’t really help & make me gain weight & im so damn insecure that I stop taking them. I sleep 13 hours a day & feel like an old, dumb, ugly loser. I would give my life in a second to give a teenager a happy healthy life. I want to die. It won’t get better, I’m tired of hearing “hang in there” “ one day at a time” “your not alone” knowing someone els is going through the same thing doesn’t help my situation one bit. Depression isn’t a matter of “if” it’s a matter of “when” rich celebrity’s have unlimited resources, yet they take their lives. When you have this illness nothing matters. job, money, possessions or social status.
I’m alone & to weak to fight anymore, I would be dead if it wasn’t for my two shelter cats. No F-in way are they going back.
When you reach out to ppl for comfort or to just talk, hang out, get a coffee they don’t have time & have more important things to do until your gone, THEN they care while posting their sadness & waiting for sympathy replies.
results deffinitly vary, so fight the good fight