I’ve lost myself

[speaknothing]

For awhile I’ve been struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety. I’ve come to terms that I will never be my old self again. I’ve lost my self completely and I don’t know how to feel about that. I can’t look at myself in the mirror for more than 2 seconds because I hate everything that I see. My arms are full of burn marks from self harm. I just feel like my life has spiraled out of control. I’m tired of feeling like I have no meaning or purpose in life. I’m afraid of the future I’m afraid to make friends because I’m so insecure and afraid to lose people so I’m anti social.. I’m afraid that I’ve lost myself completely. Dying isn’t a good option so I don’t know what to do.

[Espinoza38]

First here goes a huge hug. Then let me say that I am exactly where u at, I dislike what I've become. But that doesn't mean I'm not willing to do my best to get better. Dying is not an option. Maybe the old us has to die so the new us can come up from the ashes. I have bad days and good days. I have days where I just have to break down and cry it out. People dont understand what I'm going thru at times I dont either. But I have faith I can come out of this funk. You will come out of this. Just take a deep breath and think of all the good things even if they are small. Just try and smile at yourself in the mirror even for a few seconds. I do that. And when I feel like I'm about to say something bad about myself I walk away. Then later on I come back and look at myself again and smile. I pray u start feeling better. I'm here. .

[speaknothing in reply to Espinoza38]

If I smile I begin to hate myself even more. My smile is the main thing I hate about myself. But thank you for your support. Sucks feeling alone in this

[Espinoza38 in reply to speaknothing]

You not alone. I also hate my smile at times I want to punch the mirror but I dont. Why well then I'm a have to replace it lol and second its not worth it. I hardly smile even around people I stopped smiling when I was 11. I'll smile here and their but not like i would want to.

[speaknothing in reply to Espinoza38]

Same..

[CTLibraryGirl in reply to speaknothing]

I never look directly in the mirror even when I wash my face or brush my teeth! Have you tried DBT, I heard that is good therapy for self-harm.

[anxietyandcats]

You are not alone. 2 years ago my life was a mess. I forgot how to function like a normal human being. I was extremely suicidal and saw no hope. But then I went to the hospital and my treatment started. Yes, it took time, about 2 years of medication, treatment, support, and hard work but I am actually stable and happy now. I never would've believed that would be possible. I know you probably don't believe me, but it can get better. There is hope. I believe in you. You can get through this.

[Jvicks]

I am deeply sorry that you feel so much pain! Sending positive energy your way! I know how you feel. I am suicidal, use self harm, and have self esteem issues. I have wanted to end it many times but, I have young children. Cannot do that to them. With meds and therapy I have felt a bit better. It can happen. Hugs!

[GardenGramma]

Feeling this way as well. I send you love and hugs and hopefully knowing we are all out here, dealing with similar things brings a bit of comfort.

[MariaLove123]

I feel the SAME way. I lost myself so long ago. I don’t know how to get myself back. I fear I am always forever going to be this way. Do you work? Hobbies? I haven’t done neither in years. I am stuck in this rut and I don’t have it in me to do anything. I’m so sorry you feel this way. It breaks my heart that other people feel this way. We just need to all support each other and give reasons for going forward. Just for today be proud of yourself for going on here and letting people know what you’re feeling. That’s really big!

[speaknothing in reply to MariaLove123]

Thank you! And no my depression barely lets me out of the house. I have no hobbies but I do work and it’s not the best place to work at if you have depression

[MariaLove123]

I get that. People tell me to work and it’ll help my routine. But I tried and wasn’t happy there. We have to work where we can be happy