I'm alone and in despair

[Linnea1]

I have no family that cares if I live or die and, because of various events, I have had no friends in over a year. I've gone through the most miserable 15 months of my life, with excruciating pain that never goes away and extreme sleep deprivation (0-2 hours a night for a year). My health is poor, and I don't have insurance. I keep hoping I have cancer or anything fatal, so I can leave this world. I want the emotional and physical pain to stop. I am in a living hell, with no way to fix any of it. I have had no one for over a year. I don't know what else to do but post this. Maybe some words from someone, even complete strangers, will help.

[Fishmonster]

My god, I’m so sorry for the pain your going through. I wish I had a magic wand to take it all away.

I’m 12 years sober

My dream since I was born was to be a firefighter. I joined over 11 years ago but 5 years ago I got hurt on a call and now I have permanent nerve damage in my lower back. I got 2 implants. This year has been hell, spent a month in a hospital, no job and a family to support. I, with every once of energy I went out and found friends, I found this wonderful group, I met random people on the street that I can use my challenges to make them stronger. I lift myself up by uplifting others. I look in the mirror and hug that person. I say I love you.

I hope one of my words give you some peace tonight

Hugs and love

[Linnea1 in reply to Fishmonster]

Thank you, Fishmonster. I'm glad things are getting better for you. I wish I could make new friends, but I am so exhausted and in so much pain for so long that I'm terrible company.

The pain and sleep deprivation are bad enough, but with no one in my life to even call or text and ask how I'm doing, it just makes everything worse. One or the other is enough, but going through both at the same time is really too much. No end in sight. I have no will to keep going.

[Tcbabe in reply to Linnea1]

May you have a Merry Christmas. You have one friend for sure that

Cares and that’s me and many others would love to be there for you.

You can text and chat with me anytime

[Linnea1 in reply to Tcbabe]

Thank you, Tcbabe

[Calm_mama]

Hi Linnea,

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time right now. I have had hard times in life and I know how frightening, lonely and painful they can be. At the holidays it can be so much harder. I am sending you warm, giant hugs from one human to another. You are never alone. There are people here who care so very much 🤗

[Linnea1 in reply to Calm_mama]

Thank you, Calm mama. <3

[melantha]

That sounds terrible Linnea I’m sorry you have to be in so much physical and emotional pain. It’s not fair, life never is unfortunately. I too often wish to just get some fatal disease so I don’t have to deal with this anymore. I am lucky though in that I have family who cares very much about me. I’ve been essentially without friends before, but I’ve at least always had my family. I’m so sorry you don’t have that. The only support group you probably have is us. Its no replacement for actual friends/family, but we all truly care and can understand what you’re going through at a very deep personal level. You are not alone in this.

I hope you find the help you need to get better. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts today ❤️ Have a merry Christmas.

[Linnea1 in reply to melantha]

Melantha - I'm so glad you have family. That makes all the difference. <3

[Berryanna]

Sorry to hear about your pain and loneliness Linnea. I feel your situations dear. I wish you a very Merry Christmas and prosperous blessed Year 2019 filled with good health, love, friendships and everything you wish for.

Big warm hugs😘❤🙏🙌🙏

[Linnea1 in reply to Berryanna]

Thank you, Berryanna. I wish the same for you. <3

[hypercat54]

Hi I too dislike Christmas as it always reminds me how essentially alone I am without anyone who really cares. But then I ask myself the question - 'Do I really care about anyone else'? And the answer is about as much as they care for me which is fair enough.

I really hope that your pain eases and you are able to get out and about a bit more and start making some new friends. It must be terrible to be in such pain and alone. At least you have us now which is much better than no one. x

[Linnea1 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you, hypercat. <3

[Hidden]

I know anxiety can do a number to ourselves and those around us. At the end of the day even if you feel totally alone, you have this community and Jesus Loves you.

[Linnea1 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, rockster. <3

[Hidden in reply to Linnea1]

You’re welcome. Hope you’re feeling better today!

[Sillysausage234]

🎄🌹

[Linnea1 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Thank you, Alan. <3

[Gryphon1]

I feel the same no friends or family since becoming agoraphobic and various health problems. I had to phone Samartains yesterday as I dont sleep well and was so lonely and scared. Wanted to just die in the night even after I spoke to them. I woke this morning dreading the day tried to read posts on here and stay positive but cloud descending again, it is getting cold and dark again, goldie11 is so right, emotional pain worst thing in the world especially alone. Try to stay strong.

[Catwoman2018 in reply to Gryphon1]

Hi Gryphon, you have me as a friend now. No need to feel alone as so many people here will support you. You can talk to me anytime, just message me. I will be here for you. Sending you big hugs. xx

[Berryanna in reply to Catwoman2018]

Eventhough we are struggling with mental health...Life is still beautiful my dear friend. Remember this: We on here we love you!! And Jesus Loves you!!! He will sees you through with time. Place everything in his hands🙏

The skies is still blue after the clouds over🙏Take one day at a time like i do. I know it can be a challenge but please keep your precious life. We love you my friend. Merry Merry Christmas, much love❤

[Berryanna in reply to Berryanna]

Sorry Catewoman, i am new on here...i got it wrong in replying, sorry dear,the message is for GryPHON1.

[Catwoman2018 in reply to Berryanna]

It's okay Berryanna, it was a lovely message to read, even though it wasn't for me.

[Berryanna in reply to Catwoman2018]

Thank you dear. Wishing you a Happy blessed New Year 2019, with good health, love, peace, joy and good prosperity❤

[Catwoman2018 in reply to Berryanna]

Thank you and I send you good wishes for a happy and healthy 2019.

[Berryanna in reply to Catwoman2018]

Happy New year 2019 dear, may all your wishes come true, plenty of health and love❤💙💚💜💛 Cheers🍷🎉🎉🎉🎉

[Hidden in reply to Gryphon1]

I love you, Gryphon.

Please stay, my friend. You matter.

I may need your hand...your light...your kindness.

[Linnea1 in reply to Gryphon1]

Gryphon, Please don't do anything like that. Do you have a counselor to talk to about your agoraphobia and other issues? Are you seeing a doctor? I hope so!

<3

[Hidden]

Linnea...I care if you live or die.

I love you.

You matter to me. You are enough.

[Linnea1 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, Dominic. <3

[Hidden in reply to Linnea1]

I came back to check on you.

And read the replies.

So you now know you are not alone.

You know there are people who understand.

You know we care about you.

You know you are needed.

You know you are loved.

I love you. You matter.

Please stay...

[Linnea1 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, Dominic

[Linnea1]

Thank you, everyone. I appreciate all of you taking the time to help me. Just to clarify: I was FINE until the pain from some health issues, 2 of which I clearly need surgery for (but, again, I have no insurance) became unbearable and without relief. The peak of the pain was over a year ago and that's when I stopped sleeping more than 2 hours a night, if at all. THAT'S when I started becoming suicidal, not only because of the pain and sleep deprivation (which actually changes your brain), but because I had no one to talk to or just to know there was someone out there who cared. If not for the pain and lack of sleep, I would not be here, posting. I would have easily made friends and would be just fine. I have spent all of my money trying to get better, so now I am financially destitute, on top of everything else.

I hope that clarifies things.

Thank you, all, for caring. <3

[Catwoman2018]

Hi Linnea, you have a new friend now, me. I hate the thought of you being all alone, I'll be here for you to talk about anything, anytime, just message me. I don't have the sleep and pain issues you suffer from, but I do suffer from anxiety and depression and this site gives me so much comfort and support. Sending you big hugs. You have someone who cares! xx

[Linnea1 in reply to Catwoman2018]

Thank you, Catwoman. <3

[charlee4]

Hi Linnea. You now have another friend, me!. I hurt all the time that I am awake, but I am able to sleep with medical marijuana. My doctor said that everyone has to sleep, and he prescribed some sleeping pills initially. I don't need them now with the MM. I sometimes am able to sleep with nothing. If you are able to sleep the world will look brighter. You really need to get out of the house, a little at the time. If you stay secluded you will get more and more down. It seems as though you need to leave the house a little at the time until you are able to get out and make some friends. I know because I have been at home with pain until I find I meet people I really get social anxiety, so I am trying to get out of the house more. I hope you will post when you are down. We will be here for you.

[Linnea1 in reply to charlee4]

Thank you, Charlee. I'm glad MM helps you. I did get out of the house initially, but the pain and limited mobility caused me to stop doing it. I go to the grocery store and work (part-time) and that's it. That is beyond my tolerance limit, actually. Just driving in the car to go anywhere, after 5 mins, I'm in tears. In addition, sitting, walking, lying down, are all issues because of the nerves that are being impinged upon in all positions. I've tried gentle, slow walking, swimming, physical therapy and exercises, all of which brought me to tears within 1-5 minutes. I do take my dog to the dog park (which I only do for her, as it's painful for me to drive there, then sit on the benches there). When absolutely everything you do increases your pain, you kind of avoid it, you know?

[JEG325]

I'm always here for you friend. Now, also in your state, too. Talk to me whenever you want. Try to enjoy life, my friend.

[Linnea1 in reply to JEG325]

Thank you. You've moved here? Welcome.

[JEG325 in reply to Linnea1]

Yep, BonnieSue and I are together near TB, Iloveart7 also lives here, to the north of us. You should give her a try. She's a lonely, young girl who needs as many friends as she can get too. Be safe, my friend and don't forget to contact me when loneliness gets to be too much.

[Hidden]

I love you Goldie.

Please stay with us. You matter, my friend.

[Linnea1]

Please don't do anything like that. You have family here who cares very much about you. <3

[Xena13]

So sorry for all you are going through. My heart is with you even if I don’t you. !

[Linnea1 in reply to Xena13]

Thank you, Xena. <3

[Berryanna]

Happy blessed New Year 2019 Linnea1, lots of health, love, happiness and abundance❤🙏🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[Linnea1 in reply to Berryanna]

Thank you. You, too.