I'm such a child. I can't take even the mildest bit of criticism and I have no control over my mental state. The only thing keeping me from self destruction is the pain I'd inflict on my mother and family. I'm trapped in a self imposed hell and I have no way out. I just wish I was never created. I wish someone better took my place.
I wish my parents hadn't created me, I wish they had been given a better son who was handsome, intelligent, and actually believed in something. A son who could do things right and could just function.
I'm so worthless, my life is worthless, everything is worthless. Everyone just pretend to tolerate me, I'm a horrible person but I'm not, I just don't understand people, I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to push people away.
I want to like myself, I want a better life, I don't want to suffer but i'm trapped in these brambles of mental anguish. If only i had been a better child, maybe I'd be a better man. I just wish I'd be forgotten and die in peace and solitude. But I can't, I can't bear the thought of leaving her behind. I can't hurt everyone again. I'm so sorry
I'm just so tired of all this. I don't know what to do. There is no path I know. So I can't really on my own wisdom. I need a guide. I'll read other books. I don't know anymore. I just wish I could disappear and not hurt anyone.