I am 72 yrs. old and have had anxiety and depression all my life and recently diagnosed with agoraphobia which I have had for years. I have many medical conditions that keep me in pain 24 hrs. a day. I have been to at least 25 therapists and psychiatrists throughout my life with no help, countless antidepressants, and hypnotized. I live alone with my dog who is almost 17 yrs. old and has kidney and heart disease and will not be with me for long. Losing my little love scares me to death and I don't know how I will be without her. There is a long story that led to all of my demons which are mostly related to family and other people in my life. They are in my head and rule my life. I don't really want to be here anymore and wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I believe God decides that, so would never commit suicide, but think about it. I AM LOST!
Lost, Miserable and Alone.: I am 72 yrs... - Anxiety and Depre...
Lost, Miserable and Alone.
Gamster5, life is not fair,I'm not sure how much help I'll be,but are here, this is a good place .Just saying what you said here is healthy. I've had a bunch of responses from people on this site, that actually brought a smile to my face which has been rare lately, even though I used to be called smiley as a nick name, .maybe you should look in to another pet that can be with you two and is a little younger then you know that one will been there later on.Such a sensitive area to talk about. My ex-wife left the cat she adopted along with me and when he passed it hurt,cuz I loved that fury animal .I might be able to refer you to a couple of people that have responded to my posts that I think may be more qualified to actually give you some good advice.
Thank you for your reply. This is new to me to write about myself. I don't know if you can see my other replies (I hope so). Due to debt I could not get another dog and my age has a lot to do with it. I feel totally lost and so sad and alone and I really don't know what to do. I have had so many therapists and tried everything I know of (been this way all my life) but nothing helped. My problems started very young and all the bull that was thrown at me had super glue on it! At this age I would prefer to go to sleep and never wake up. I have God in my life and I am thankful for that but I don't even feel like a person. I love people and love to talk but have agoraphobia and don't leave the house unless it is absolutely necessary.
I don't qualify for ANY help which I think it wouldn't work anyway because of all the times I did try. At age 72 it just feels over and I have made my own jail in my apartment and I have to settle for that and learn how to adapt. I could write a book of what my life has been and what I allowed people to do to me. I have only myself to thank for that and what a painful experience it is to look back now and see what I should have done if I had had the courage!
Thank you again for the reply...it's almost a good feeling to know that there are other people out there with feelings and situations they are dealing with.
God bless you!
It ain't over yet you just stay here on this site read and write, you have a new life here better than before, I could send you a one on one message its pretty cool like texting my brother on the phone ,that is what I'm using I wish I could get my computer on line but its just another bill I can't afford but my phone service is just like a computer just smaller hard to type takes longer if I rush a lot of typos. Thanks
Bekay to,gamster5
please call any and all shelters in your area, they often have senior pets most people won't adopt, you'd be a great candidate for one, sometimes people donate so you can get the pet for free, I guarantee some volunteer would be happy to come visit you to make sure it's a good fit and bring your new forever pet to you! It's also a good idea that you can check in with them going forward so they know you are both ok... just a thought
I'm so sorry about what you're going through. But 72, that's amazing. You should be so proud of yourself for fighting your demons for this long. You're very strong and brave. I'd recommend trying to find peace and happiness through God. Pray to him and cast your depression and anxiety on to him and ask for help finding strength in yourself and in Him to get through this. It takes time, but praying has helped me a lot. I'm sorry about your dog; I'm sure you gave it a very happy life where it felt loved and cherished. Perhaps get another dog, it won't ever replace the one you have but it could help you through your rough times. Maybe even get a service dog for anxiety and depression. Believe and have faith in God. He is always there for you. You're never ever alone. You have not only Him, but everyone on this website. Wishing you the best. God bless.
Thank you! I do Bible study at home and pray all the time. I know my Lord is with me and have to remember that every second as I am crying and wanting to die, but I know that's up to God. I have been blessed much and thankful for what I have. Satan must have a real hold on me. I do rebuke Satan and talk to him as I know I am a child of God. I am my own worst enemy in my brain and wish with all my heart I could be strong enough to erase all the negativity. My earth father did a real job on me and have been teased so much when young and I have really believed that I am not good for anything. I was even told when I was younger that I was a witch because I had red hair. My father called me "dumb shit" all my life and my younger brother could do no wrong...I could go on and write a book, but I'll stop here. God bless you for writing and thank you for taking the time to let me know that there is someone out there listening.
I wonder if you could speak to folks at a pet shelter and also recovery learning centers and NAMI and see about a dog. I realize that it isn't just the dog but the food and medical care as well. However, it might be worth a try to inquire of these and other organizations.
gogogirl
Thank you for the reply. All the pet shelters are too far away. Sparkie is doing a little better on Kidney Disease food and heart meds. She has had one seizure which was so scary and hurtful. I wish I could take her pain into my body but have to realize that this is life and we all come to an end. The vet sent me a letter with the list of all the things to happen and when to put her to sleep. I just crumbled to the floor. In Sept. she will have a full check up and have tests to see how far the kidney disease is progressing and the condition of her heart. I thank God every day she wakes up and give her all the love I can. She knows me well and I try to hide the panic attacks and depression, but she knows and even cries with me. In 4 months she will be 18 yrs. old. I think God has protected her and all that she has been through all her life because she is my life and a reason to wake up to her love. I am totally afraid of how I will be when she is gone. I know I have to face that she has to go and my demons will have a party because they have me all alone now. I have a fight coming that I have to deal with...God help me. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I feel at 72 yrs. of age I have had enough and I am tired of it all. My body is broken and my brain is sick and I wonder why I am here.
Well, sorry I dumped my pity party on you and pray that you are doing well. I am glad I have you to listen to me and grateful there are special people out there just like you. You're are important and a great person to me!
gamster5
Well you are important and a gift as well! I am so sorry you are continuing to go through this. Your pup even cries with you? Wow, isn't she so special. Daisy is giving me the eyes now waiting to go out.
Sparkie and you are so lucky to have each other. I am glad that she is doing better on the kidney disease food and heart meds, but I know that animals are so innocent we just want to take their pain away. The seizure must have been very scary.
You have not dumped any pity on me at all. We all need someone to just listen, and you can keep venting as much as you need.
I continue to hope also for you and your son . Please let me know if you feel, how you are doing. You are a very important part of this group, and an animal lover. That part alone makes you special.
One more thing: I called NAMI and they gave me this info( which you probably know about). Websites: servicedogcentral.org and assistancedogsinternational.org.
Again, hope this is okay. Peace and the best for you and Sparkle.
Hi Gamster5, I am sorry that you feel so lost and that you have suffered like this for a long time.
I am not really sure what I can say to help you at the moment. It sounds like you have had a bit of a day. All I can say is I can understand a lot of what you've said, if not from my own experience but that of some of my friends and family.
All I can say is that the tough thing to do is to forgive yourself and others for past issues, but I don't know what you've tried to do or what has happened in your past. I am working on a 6 phases meditation which has a part where you forgive yourself and others (that is really tough - the forgiving myself, not the forgiving others). With all that has happened to me I had decided a few months ago that I was too nice and too forgiving with others, but I have found that I need to forgive myself for a lot of things. It is tough going and I have a lot of work to do on it.
You don't say what breed your dog is. I love dogs because they will tell you exactly how they feel and they know when you need that extra support. I don't have a dog, but I love seeing my sister's dog and looking after her because I feel better. Your dog is a good age, and I am sure you have loved your dog for all those years.
As I said I don't know if you are just looking to talk to someone, if that is the case remember that there are charities like Samaritains and breathing space if you are in the UK that you can call.
I really hope that you have a better day tomorrow. Please take care of yourself.
20Voices
Thank you for your reply. My dog is a Pom and her name is Sparkie. I have had her all her life and she is part of me. She knows me and what I feel and sometimes I feel she is the Mother and I am her. I hate seeing her little body shut down, it almost kills me, but she is a trooper and been through much in her life. She is amazing and I have been truly blessed to have her in my life. I am afraid of what will happen to me when she is gone. I am on a tight budget and could not afford another dog as much as I would like to. I only eat once a day so I can pay her vet bills and my medications. Debt is keeping my from another dog. I will have no support from anyone and I know God will be there...the whole thing doesn't seem real.
I too struggle every day to forgive myself...one of the hardest things to do. I do Bible study at home and watch In Touch every Sunday. I probably will be working on this for the rest of my life because my demons are dancing around in my head all the time. My father was abusive in every way and called me "dumb shit" all my life...never my name. I have been beaten and controlled in my marriages to the point where I thought I was the lowest thing on earth. Last divorce was in 2007 and I have chose to be alone ever since. It is very lonely but at least I don't get hurt every day. I need to learn how to make me "someone" and to forgive myself for giving others control of my heart and mind.
God bless you for answering and have a good week-end.
Hi. You have been through so much. You probably don't realize how strong you are. Anxiety and depression are very tough to overcome alone. I know because I have both and I'm totally alone in life. Having a loving companion like a dog is a true blessing. They are absolutely loyal and ask nothing of us except love. I'm sorry you are so alone, but so am I. I go to church, just started going back after many years, I pray that our lord will give me courage and strength to overcome my anxiety. But I also feel alone at church because I see all the families worshipping together and I feel more alone. But your faith is strong, I can tell by your post that this is were you draw your strength.
I don't know what more I could ad, except I know exactly how you feel. I don't know how to combat loneliness, every weekend I spend alone. This is what anxiety and depression have done to me.
Take good care of yourself. You are not alone
Shutter, you're not alone either. This whole community is here to support you. Don't forget that. Maybe read my previous comments posted on this thread. They may be able to help you. God bless. You got this. Keep fighting.
Thank you. The weekends are always very lonely for me. Years of anxiety and depression have taken its toll. By isolating myself I've isolated my family. They have moved on in life, got married, had children and I'm left dreadfully alone. Oh well I feel it's mostly my fault.
Maybe, try to get in touch with your family again then. I'm sure they'd love to hear from you. I know it might be scary, but if you're feeling lonely, that might be a really good idea. I'm sure they love and miss you. Try to put yourself out there. Stay strong, my friend. We've all made mistakes, but there's no use harping on the past. What we can do is use that mistake to help push ourselves forward and make sure the past doesn't repeat itself. <3
Hi
My son(45 yrs, old) is in Washington state and calls me every day. He also has mental problems like mine and very hard to talk, but he checks to see if I am okay as I have no support. I could be dead for months and nobody would know.
My daughter lives 50 miles away is RN and is either sleeping or working. Maybe get text from her or call around 3 or 4 times a year. She has her own life and problems to take care of. It hurts not hearing from her, but I understand her with family to take care of, going to college through the hospital, working 12 hr. shifts at night. I love them dearly but have worked hard to learn acceptance of my situation, to be thankful for what I have, and working every day to adapt to my life as it is. It's scary...the whole thing and I have to keep going somehow because sitting down on the floor and waiting to die is not a choice.
When I was two I had an imaginary playmate called Shirley. She was very real to me. After we moved from Alaska to Washington Shirley left. When I get really down I have even called for her...guess she is helping someone else and I am too old for her now.
Thank you for your positive reply. You sound like a great person
God bless you,
gamster5
shutterbug65
Hi...thought I would check in on you and tell you IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! The brain is the fault and I pray the scientists who are working on how this works will find the culprit that makes us feel this way. I used to feel everything was my fault and tried to make things right and everyone happy but always backfired on me. YOU are the most important thing right now and whatever others say is their problem.
I always tried to make things better for everyone else and in the middle of all that I lost myself. I still really don't know who I really am. My agoraphobia made me totally alone and had to face myself for the first time in my life. What a trip! I couldn't even look in a mirror and I still don't except to fix my hair. I have researched so much I am in a fog. I guess what is keeping me going is to find ways to distract my brain from those thoughts. At first I was going over my life and remembering all the bad things and feeling guilty because I could have handled things in a different way and feeling very dumb. I got so depressed thinking of it all I tried to erase those faults and kept saying to myself "that was the past, it's over & done and there is not one thing I can do about it". Today and the future is what we should look at and take care of us first before we take anything else. Sounds easy...my demons are still dancing around and having a party. I hate them. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night crying and don't know why. I talk to them and then go into a panic attack and my sleep is messed up all the time. Sometimes I am up all night tied in a knot and hating everything. Pray all the time and sometimes think there is a reason why I am going through all of this. I don't have an answer for any of us except it's much better to have people like me to understand my mess and we are not alone. Alone, no money, no friends or support from anyone but there is YOU ALL out there and I feel some comfort and understanding and I thank God for that. Read my first sentence again please. You take care & hang in there, I'm rooting for you and pray better days are ahead for all of us.
gamster5
Hi. I really value your reply. And I will respond later.
Thanks. And I hope we can find some peace.
You have nothing to forgive yourself for- I hope that you find the help you finally deserve. Again, have you talked to NAMI?
gogogirl
Thank you for your reply. I can't find NAMI????
Where do I go to find her?
NAMI is the National Alliance on mental illness. The main telephone number is: 703-524-7600. The website is: nami.org.
Thank you,I'm follows you,so I guess anytime you post I'll be able to know and respond.
I thing that is
Cool,
Bekay
I promise you're enough just as you are. You're you and that's the best thing you can be. I'm sorry that you had an abusive father. You didn't deserve that. You're not a dumb shit. You seem unbelievably strong and brave and amazing. You're an inspiration. You'll always be loved by God and he'll always be there for you. I know it can be scary to get hurt again, but there's people out there you can meet. People that would love to be your friend and to support you, people who have gone through similar things and can relate. It might be a good idea to try and put yourself out there, to try and meet new people. Also about money being an issue, perhaps try and start a GoFundMe. That might be able to help you. Wishing you the best.
When it comes to your agoraphobia, I'd recommend taking small steps if you want to overcome it. Like, once a day, or once a week, you go somewhere for lets say 1 minute and then the next time you go, it's 2 minutes and you slowly increase the time you're out. Exposure Therapy. It really does work.
Look into a place where you can adopt a pet, maybe there's one that doesn't charge. Maybe do like Saya says small baby steps, maybe you could take your dog for a short walk, even if it's to the end of your side walk or something. Have a closd friend come visit with you.
Hello, my name is Krista. I have also been diagnosed with agoraphobia. It sure does make life a lonely place. I read your post and it brought me to tears because I can relate. Especially when it comes to our fur babies. They are our life! They mean everything to us. I understand and I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I'm 42 yrs old. I'm missing out on everything. But as long as i have my fur babies that's the most comforting thing. But I lost my kitty Isabelle last year the week before thanksgiving. Im still in mourning and no one understands and wants to hear about it or allow me to talk about her anymore. I'm sorry your fur baby is ill. Mine was as well, since birth. I feel your anxiety and I'm sorry I wish I could say something to help. It's hard being this way. I feel my past is responsible for my demons. Parents are abusive, still. Horrible relationships, friendships that went bad. I'm so sorry. Do we become agoraphobic for protection? We can handle anymore hurt? Can't stand the feeling of anxiety and panic attacks? I don't know. I'm here for you ok. Hang in. We are all here for you you're not alone anymore,
I'm so sorry about your loss. I know it would hurt me a lot if I were to lose my fur baby. (Hehe, that's a cute term for them.) That's a very nice msg you left. Just remember that you're not alone either. This whole website is here to support you. Please read my previous comments on this thread too if you haven't. They may be able to help you. Also something I recommend for anxiety is yoga. There's tons of videos on YouTube for it. I've tried it before and it really does help you relax. Good luck, my friend. Stay strong and keep fighting. You got this!
Hi Krista,
Sounds like we are sisters in life. I am so sorry about Isabelle. I have lost two dogs years back and they are still in my heart and I sometimes have dreams about them. My dog, Sparkie is my life and has always been. I feel animals are better than people (at least the people who have been in my life) and give the greatest love of all. My heart is scared because her life is ending and I have to accept that as fact. I can't imagine her gone and fear being alone, missing her and probably will be talking to the walls and furniture and totally lost!
I understand about the agoraphobia and have had it ever since my two kids were small. I don't even like looking at the doorknob and if someone knocks at the door I just flip out. They are grown and away from me now. I got divorced when they were young and raised them alone. I was scared but tried to make things fun for them and made them feel very loved, important and special (not the way I was raised). They survived very well but not so their mother. I acted a lot to hide how I really felt and put on a smile for the world all the while I was dying inside. All I ever wanted was LOVE and to be accepted for myself whoever that is. Several marriages with beating, verbal abuse and isolation and (boy do I know how to pick them) I had enough nerve due to conditions to get a divorce in 2007. Both parents gone so alone for the first time in my life...slept with lights on and a knife by my side. Finally realized I would survive. I will stay alone forever...could not stand to take on another man in my life because I don't trust my own judgment. Am I writing a book or what????
As far as demons and parents go I really understand and could write a book about that also. Why don't we get our demons together and send them on vacation! ha
I think the panic attacks are a symptom of what is going on inside and the agoraphobia is my protection from the world outside, like if I do, something bad is going to happen or I have made another bad choice. Better stop now or my computer might explode. You take care, I'm here for you and will say a long prayer for you. Together maybe we could find strength or some kind of understanding.
Hugs to you, Kathy (gamster5)
Hugs back. I will reply soon! Just woke up.
Kathy
I'm very scared for Sparkie too. I'm so sorry. I've got tears in my eyes. My love for animals goes way beyond my love for people. I get it. And a lot of people don't understand that. I am 42, never had human children, never married. Came close. So Emmit and Isabelle were my family as i do not have a relationship with my parents. They have been verbally and emotionally abusive my entire life and I'm also an only child. So this works out great, I've always wanted a sister!
I don't know how my agoraphobia came about. I used to have a normal life, lots of friends, a serious relationship, had a career, bought my own cute home. But I always suffered from anxiety and depression. I think it got worse as i got older. I had a lot of loss in a short period of time. I eventually stopped going to get togethers with friends. Became uncomfortable leaving my office at work. Became anxious to leave my house once I got home. Then it escalated. Eventually I became so scared to leave the house I believed I would die if I did! Oh and by the way...i freak when someone knocks or rings the doorbell. I've trained my few friends to text when they are in the driveway but they hardly come over.
When I lost Isabelle here at home (awful story) I stopped driving for 6 months. Even though I'm diagnosed with agoraphobia I'm still able to run errands. I have no choice. And I have to force myself to go outside and take care of my gardens and property. I feel vulnerable. Backyard isn't so bad, all fenced in and lots of privacy. I lost my job of 16yrs and now on SSD. Not used to being poor.
Yes agoraphobia is protection from the outside world. We don't want to be hurt in any way, shape or form ever again. Some have it worse than others. Some days I have it worse than others. Sometimes I'll be in the store and all of a sudden start having an anxiety attack and need to get home asap!
Do you get visitors? May I ask if you are seeking treatment right now? Do you have support? Do you have a vehicle?
By the way do you realize how strong you really are?
Hugs back to you!!!
Hi Krista, my new sister in life!
I absolutely loved your reply and had a good cry because finally someone listened, understood and felt exactly like me. My favorite line is that your love for animals goes way beyond your love for people. I have said that in the past and looked at like I was a block of ice! Too bad for them. I don't say it anymore because if someone doesn't love animals, they don't know love and I can't relate to them.
Your first paragraph took my breath away and sank right into my heart. Same with my parents (never had a real relationship and was not allowed to express my feelings or laughed at) except I had a brother 5 yrs. younger then me that learned abuse from my father and learned it well. He made my life a living hell; I haven't spoken to him for yrs. and don't even know where he is and don't care. There is a long story about him, but all I ever thought about was getting old enough to leave all of them.
Your second paragraph was right on. I know my agoraphobia started very young by staying in my room, listening to music and crying. I hated school because I just didn't fit in. In high school my mom made me try out for drill team. I made it and it was fun for a time but was thankful when I graduated and being around all those snots.
When I was 15 I started drinking beer and it let the fun Kathy out. We lived in San Diego and lots of sailors (I love uniforms) to get me and two of my girlfriends beer. My life party started there and made so many poor choices on my quest for love but thought I was having fun. I loved to dance, drink and thought people really liked me and loved that part of it but it was all false as I look back. I had 5 short marriages (couldn't wait to get away from home) but they were all alike and abusive. I think I was born with a "asshole magnet" and could pick them out of millions! Never taught the tools of living from parents. The only good thing that came out of all that nightmare was my son and daughter. Raising them alone was very hard for me because I had to go out of my comfort zone. I had a good job and I wasn't alone and they made me have the courage to do all the mom things and I love them with all my heart. Don't see them as I live in Kentucky, my son is in Washington state (45 yrs. old) and my dtr. (44 yrs. old) is a RN and always sleeping or working and lives 50 miles away. I have three beautiful granddaughters from my dtr. but rarely get to see them. I have a nice apt. but don't go out and only know one neighbor. I go three places all within seven miles...my doctor, my pharmacy, and a small grocery store. I have searched everywhere for some help but I don't qualify for anything and only have my Social Security income so I am just here alone. I only eat once a day because of money and racked up some debt with Sparkie's vet and medicines but she is worth every penny. My room is my life with my TV and internet which I thank God for that I have a safe place to "exist".
Sorry this is so long. My mind and heart are racing and I have so much to say to you. I know what you are going through and it hurts my heart and wish I could do something to make you better. You have already made me feel happy with your texts because I already feel close to you, not alone, and found a beautiful person who understands (I have NEVER had that). I appreciate you and every thing you share. It means more than I can say.
You take care and stay strong because I know there is a rainbow out there for us somewhere.
God bless you and sending many hugs and my support for you.
Kathy
gamster5
Soul sisters! I totally get You! I'll write you back soon. Promise! Speaking of rainbows, did you see my post of Emmit and Isabelle's garden? I painted the rainbow bridge and put it in there. Glitter and everything! I wish I could attach the pic to this post!
Xoxoxo
Hi
Did find pictures of your babies...how cute...saved them and saved picture of your garden...beautiful. I love rainbows.
You did a great job. How did you get your pictures on this site? I would like to try to get Sparkie up there.
Hope you are okay and just busy.
Hugs, Kathy
gamster5
Hi Kathy!
Yes I was outside yesterday weaving ivy through the lattice on my deck for more privacy so eventually I will feel comfortable sitting out there. You get it. My backyard is pretty much private (tall fences except for right next door but they never come out) but I want my deck very private. Oh I'm glad you liked my pictures! Emmit and Isabelle were my family. They were my original babies. I lost Emmit in 2015 to kidney failure and Isabelle last yr the week before thanksgiving, it was horrendous. I'll explain another time. You know about the Rainbow Bridge right? That is where are fur babies go after they pass and someday we will meet them there? That's why I made the Rainbow bridge and put it in their memorial garden.
I also have a sleep disorder I guess you could call it, not sure. I get tired real early. I fall asleep around 3pm in the afternoon and wake up the following morning at midnight - 1am. It's awful.
This morning I have to get groceries and I haven't been able to really leave the house in a few days so I'm kinda anxious.
Oh, I was able to post my pics by starting a brand new message. Try that. I want to see a pic of your baby!
I'll write more later. Hope all is well.
Hugs
Krista
Thank you, you're so kind.
Gamster,
I read your post and had to try to write to you even though I am very tired. I just started therapy at age 60 to deal with severe claustrophobia / anxiety attacks due to child abuse - verbal, and physical by my father. I am new to posting on sites too so you are not alone in feeling your way to trying to get some support here. reaching out is difficult to do but this is a very good place to start.
I feel for you about your elderly dog. I love animals too! They offer the best love.
You might want to try some guided meditation sites on YouTube. I just started for the first time yesterday and the recommendation of my therapist and it was extremely helpful very quickly.
I doesn't last but I understand this has to become a life practice.
take care
Reading your post was almost like writing my own post. I am 64 and have had depression and anxiety issues all my life also. I wanted to reach out to you to tell you that you are not alone . As you can see by all the posts there are a lot of people reaching out for help. You probably have heard everything and done everything possible to help yourself as I have. There are times I am so desperate. I pray everyday and use meditation. But most of all I want to tell you if you want to talk to someone who is a good listener I am here. Remember everyone is struggling about something. Hang in there and hope to hear from you.
Madison
Thank you for the reply. You were right on with your response to me. I hope you can read my other replies. Let me know if you can't. I can really understand what you are going through and I am right along side of you. I do pray every day and I know the Lord is with me. He must know we are both stronger than we know and I know He knows what he is doing. I know I have to learn acceptance and forgiveness and I would love to find out who I really am and to release all the old garbage I carry around with me every day...that's what I pray about. Freedom to feel good and I really do love people, have a good sense of humor when I let it out, but I am still living in the jail I created for myself and I am tired of it all. It really takes its toll on me to the point that I almost don't care and one day is like the day before. There must be something else out there for both of us.
You take care of yourself...God be with you and thank you for listening.
Hugs, Kathy (gamster5)
Do you have any hobbies? I am very creative and I make fairy gardens
You're a saint Madison
Hi Gamster5
Thank you for the reply. I hope this is a new start in helping you feel better. My problems didn't begin until my third year in college I thought. I had my first melt down driving home. Going away to college was the final push that sent me over the edge and I have been fighting ever since. My home life was the worst. I had an alcoholic father who was mentally and physically Abusive and in law enforcement, nobody would touch him. Before I forget I read all the replies, very nice. I also want to tell you about a book I carried around like a bible in my twenties. Hope and Help for your nerves by Dr Claire Weeks. Mabe you can google. I had no help. My mother had no idea what to do. This book is also on Agoraphobia. It goes step by step. I am also new here. I think the social aspect everyone needs.
Hi Madison
Been thinking of you...hope all is going smooth for you. I did order the book you suggested by Dr. Claire Weeks, can't wait to read it.
Have had a horrible week. Took my dog, Sparkie to get groomed. It always takes an hour, but three hours went by and I just fell apart and right into a giant panic attack. My thoughts were horrible...maybe she got sick or died and they didn't call me. I called the vet and my friend that answers the phone told me Sparkie was doing well and next in line. I almost couldn't breath without her for that long. I got in car and went right to the vet crying all the way. The lady that answers the phone knows me and sat with me until Sparkie was ready. I went through hell waiting for her and tried to explain to lady what was going on. Finally they brought out my baby. She ran to me and licked me all over. She looked beautiful and I felt like a fool as I couldn't control myself. They didn't even charge me (God bless all of them) and all were concerned about me. My daughter and the doctor are the only people who have ever seen me actually falling apart. I'm scared that will happen somewhere else now. Usually if I am in a store, I am afraid because of agoraphobia and if I feel the panic thing coming, I just leave the cart and go home as fast as I can. That's my story for today and I still am embarrassed and feel like a fool.
You take care of yourself and know that I am rooting for you!
gamster5
Hi Gamster,
I am so excited that you ordered the book I hope it helps you like did me. I was in my 20's when I saw it advertised. I hung on to it and it was like my bible. It's step by step, let me know when you get it. I have had several panic attempts, just horrid we have to keep on pushin. Take care. I feel the same way about my dogs
Madison
Thank you. My father was an alcoholic and abuser and an officer in the Marines. He was God and you did what he said and ran our family like we had enlisted too. I couldn't tell my mother what was happening as it would have killed her. I went on to other abuse later in my life as you have read my replies. I understand what you are saying and my heart is with you. God be with you and give you strength and wisdom.
They can send a man to the moon and I hope someday all the research on the brain will be fruitful and help us all. I will look into the book you told me about when my budget permits.
I am here if you need to talk. I have been through almost all and new to this site. I may have no answers, but I have a big heart and care what happens to you and your feelings. Take care and keep on talking...who knows, we might find out something new and beautiful!
gamster5
I'm.so sorry to hear these things. I had neglect as a child. I have no biological children and live alone with my tabby cat. Would you like someone to visit you in your home? Perhaps a voluntary service you could get in touch with? Wishing you luck. Keep coming on here.
mysmugcat
Thank you for your input...sounds like we have much in common. I am alone with Sparkie my dog who is very sick which you have already read about.
My Social Security is my only income and I don't qualify for anything even though I am below the poverty level! Can't understand that because so many people including me could use some kind of help. I don't know if I would be comfortable with someone coming in to my apt. as no one has except a young boy I pay to take my garbage out. I have multiple health problems that are not serious but take a toll on me and seem to intensify my fear and depression. I have looked everywhere for help and turned down every time. I am existing alone and trying to adapt to my problems and being alone. I am afraid of what will happen to me when Sparkie goes to heaven. I spend my day giving her all the love I can and hang on to every moment of love from her. She is almost 17 yrs. old, is blind, can't hear, has heart problem, has kidney disease, and arthritis all over her body. We work together pretty well with all her issues. I know she can read my mind and knows my moods and even cries with me. I thank God for her as she is a beautiful miracle to me. She is a tough, understanding little love and there could never be another her.
Please take care and thank you again for sharing. Hope you have a great day and may Good be with you and fill you with love.
gamster5
Do your kids know what you need, and is it possible for you to live near one of them ? Animals I know are wonderful- we havea great girl our fur child who is almost ten . I too have lost wonderful dogs and your story touched me so much to tears. Can you also talk to a service dog organization? Also, I feel nobody should have to eat once a day. Recently, I heard of a woman who also had m. h. issues who was living on social security. Apparently, a clubhouse for people who had these problems helped her to get a part time job so she could pay bills. I wish you the best, and you are a worthy human being.
gogogirl
Thank you for your reply. I couldn't afford to have another dog which is very sad. Due to my medical problems at age 72 I am considered disabled and no way could handle a real job plus with agoraphobia would not be possible. I need three surgeries I have been putting off because of money. I take 13 different medications that drain the old pocket and I will be paying vet bills forever. When Sparkie goes to heaven I will need the extra money to get out of debt. Been eating one meal a day for almost 5 years so I guess I am used to it. The thing I fear the most is when my baby is gone I don't know how it will affect me and I will really be alone. She has been my entire life for almost 17 yrs. I am really scared and why is there a reason to wake up. I don't know what to do and I know I have to face the reality of her death. I can't say any more now...starting a panic attack, crying and can't think. I'm sorry.
You take care and may God be with you and give you strength every second of your life.
A messed up gamster5
You really touched me. I am so sorry. Is there a way you could move closer to family?
Hi
No way to move, already investigated and exhausted everything. I have a vary nice apt. through Section 8 (subsidized) and is good deal. I think I am going to have to stay here until I die. Can't afford anything I found. My son wants to move from Washing to Kentucky to be closer to me but is having trouble. He is selling everything he can to get money to move, but he doesn't have much and is in the same boat as me with mental conditions.
I pray all the time for him, that God will open a door for him to make the move possible.
gamster5
I would like to message you sometime if you would like. I have lots of questions about religion and me being stuck in depression makes it really rough to have full faith in it. I'm am only 20 but feel like I'm always about to die. I constantly think about death. Mainly the after life. I just really really hope there is one. I don't want everything to end. Even though I am sad the thought of non existence that atheist believe happens sounds terrible. I don't want to not existence. But I have so much trouble believing in my religion. There's just so many things that don't add up correctly for me.
I also have a dog that I really on and love dearly. She is only 2, yet I also worry what I will do when she is gone. Life is so short it seems. It feels like I was born so recently and everything goes by so quick.
*rely
Depressed1996
My heart goes out to you. You didn't mention what religion you are. I am a Christian and God and Heaven are real...I promise you. If you have been saved, you will have eternity with Jesus. When did you start to think about death at your age? Did you have something traumatic happen? Do you know why you think about death? I am really concerned about you. If you have a Bible look up Matthew 17:20 and Revelation 21:1-4. Yes there is an afterlife but you should be living in the NOW. Is there a non-denominational church near where you could talk to a pastor with your questions? I think it would really help you understand your questions. I hope you don't have any illness that makes you think you are going to die and remember only God decides when you are going to die. Depression is a horrible thing to go through. I know! I am 72 and still battling with it, but my faith and Bible study has helped me to keep going and I know God is with me and all bad things turn out for something good. God knows what he is doing and he will help you. Please find a pastor to talk to, know you are loved and overcome with the Lord. Life can be wonderful and you have all that before you. God made you special and will never forsake or leave you.
BELIEVE
I will. I feel a pastor to answer some of my conflicting questions will be great. Thank you for your response. That really gave me some comfort today.
Hi again,
Thank you for the reply. I'm still concerned about you. Life does go by fast and you are young enough to be enjoying it. I read some other posts by you. I didn't know that you had been to the doctor. I hope you follow up with him.
When I had my first major panic attack, my boss took me to the hospital. Everyone there thought I was having a heart attack and brought the crash cart in. After some tests and talking to doctor I was told it was a panic attack.
My question to my doctor was how was I going to know if I was having a heart attack or panic attack...he just to me to go to hospital.
I hope you do follow up with doctor...depression and anxiety can do a real job on your body.
Please take care of yourself because we all care on this site and you're worth it!!!!!!
God bless you,
gamster5
Thank you. I really am trying my best to seek help. I have stopped working, and go to multiple doctors each week. I'm very very determined to get out of this funk.This app has really made me realize that if I don't do anything now I could be going through this pain my whole life. I'm sure it will always be there but I would like it to only come when I am having bad times and not all the time. I complete understand your fear about the heart attacks. I actually have a family member who doesn't have anxiety all the time but when he does he does go to the emergency room just incase it is one. I'm sure this is much harder when your living with daily anxiety.
What kind of dog do you have? I'm a dog person. I own a chihuahua and a springer spaniel.
Depressed1996
Hi
The mother is coming out in me and I am so proud of you seeking help. I do care and want you better. Dog people are extra special!!!
I have a Pom. That's her picture to the left of Reply. Her name is Sparkie and in 4 months she will be 17. She is a tough little cookie for all that she has been through. Started out with cancer and followed by many other health problems but came through with flying colors. She is my life.
Have you ever tried "square breathing"? Police have been taught this when they are in danger and a lot of singers do it. I taught my daughter when we were at the doctor and had to wait forever and she wanted to wreck the whole room. She did it and within 5 minutes she was almost asleep.
You breath in while counting to 4 and hold your breath counting to 4 and let out breath counting to 4 and breath in counting to 4 and then repeat over and over till you get calmed down. Hope it helps some. I do it when I know I am going to fall apart.
You go guy! People care and wish you well.
Hugs, gamster5
Thank you for your support today! You really do have a beautiful dog. My dogs mean the world to me as well. I get a lot of anxiety on what I will do with out them. But I really believe my small dog will live a good very long life like sparkie. My big dog is not doing well. I have come to terms I will lose her in the coming years but she is great and I will always have her in my memories. She is an amazing swimmer. She can even dive under water still at her age. Lol just talking about her makes me emotional.
I have tried similar breathing techniques but have not found one that helps me get my controlling thoughts gone, it does seem to calm me down a bit. I like some of the guided meditation videos on YouTube. I think once I do some work on my allergies and get my deviated septum taking care of I may be able to get more comfortable with something like that. I have a hard time breathing in for awhile and I have to breath through my mouth unfortunately. But it's fixable!
I also care and wish you the best! Keep us updated on how you are doing!!!!
Hi Sunshine,
I too had a deviated septum and still have allergies. I had operation on my nose and worked great and am taking pills for allergies. I am praying for you and still so proud that you are working to take care of all your challenges! God will give you the wisdom and strength to take care of your needs. It won't take right away, that's something we all have to work for and it looks like you have a good start. Remember that you have so many people here that are rooting for you. I enjoy the replies because they give me comfort and this is the only place I can be truthful and not judged. Hugs to you and your wonderful doggies...they love you and so do we! I pray you keep going forward one step at a time no matter how hard the bad things are trying to get to you...tell them where to go! You sound like a great person and you deserve to be happy even if it's one step forward and two steps backward. In the process you will win. Have faith in Jesus for he is with you every minute and believe that in your heart because you are precious to him.
Hope your day goes well.
From the President of your fan club, ha
gamster5
Thank you so much. The same goes for you. You deserve to be happy! Hope you have a good day today aswell
Gamster5,
I believe I am your younger self. With that said, I do feel your pain, n anxiety. I started to be reclusive nearly five years ago after a very traumatic situation. With fear, I feel that I will never be able to return to the person I once was, and will be doomed to live out my remaining years alone. I just turned 46, with a chronic painful illness, my family stoped speaking to me after this incident blaming me. I recognize that things do happen in life beyond anyone's control, I only wish they would too. My dog of 18 years is also ready to leave this earth, only wishing it was me instead. I stopped therapy and psych meds a few years back for numerous reasons, but continuously strive for self help and improvement via the internet. I do recognize and give myself credit for how far I've come since this has began, although I still have several days a month where I become depressed and suicidal. I don't like feeling like this and something has to change one way or the other. With that said after all my rambles,what advice if any looking back would you have for me, and or for your younger self?
Thank you for reading,
MrsBleezzy
MrsBleezzy
Oh my love, where do I start? It sounds like you read my responses and know where I am. I was abused and battered and controlled all my life and reduced to nothing and lost myself. The one thing I wish I would have had is God and his word in my life. I have many regrets as I look back and wish I had the courage and wisdom to fight back and stand up for myself as I never thought I was worth it.
Before I say anything else, my heart goes out to you and your dog. I am living for her and when she is gone I don't know who I will be or how I will react. My vet is great and have had talks with her and I know that Sparkie is going to die,,,it is life and I have had 17 wonderful years of love from her and vet said to start remembering all the good, to be thankful, and know that she won't hurt anymore. People I have talked to said get another dog right away. Wish I could, but it will take a long time to pay off our (hers & mine) debts and at 72 I don't know if I could handle another dog. I too have terrible pain every day which intensifies my mental problems. God be with you and your furry baby.
As far as family and others and the way they treat you. I have learned I CAN'T CHANGE OTHERS OR HOW THEY FEEL OR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU (IT'S A DONE DEAL), I CAN ONLY CHANGE HOW I FEEL AND RESPOND TO OTHERS. That is my motto and have to keep saying that to myself everyday. You come first and need to take care of yourself first before you deal with others. Even if it's family, I know it hurts, but God is watching and they will have to deal with themselves and pay for what they have done. They might not ever change, BUT YOU CAN and with strength and wisdom from God you will become strong and become a new person. Nobody said it would be easy or happen in a day...you have to be aware of it every second of your life because you are worth it! Please know that you are special and important and you can move mountains if you want. My parents are gone so I can't deal with them and have no friends. I am working on forgiving all the people in my life. It's hard but that is really the first step, so you can imagine that you have forgiven them and they are on their own and someday they might realize what they have done. You only have control over yourself. Another thing I work on every second is loving and forgiving myself just as I am...WOW I do need a miracle for that! I am the most strongest when I am angry and can do things I never thought I would. Being angry is the wrong way, but it gives me strength and I pray my heart out. My heart is beginning to soften and with God with me, who can be against me? It says in the Bible to do what is right and He will take care of the rest and even fight your battles for you.
After 25 therapists and many different meds. that didn't work, I just stopped it all just like you. I feel better off the antidepressants and all the bull I went through with therapists which were all alike and I had so many issues to deal with I think they were overwhelmed and didn't know what to do. I know many people get help and meds. that do work and I am happy for them, but my body just didn't respond and went wacky. I have often felt like going to sleep and never waking up again, but again that's a feeling and they aren't always right. I am trying to deal with the NOW and with reality and real facts and when my demons start with me I just tell them to go on vacation. Ha Being alone has forced me to see the real me and at first it made me sick. The internet has shown me so much and a lot to think about. I watch "In Touch" with Dr. Charles Stanley every Sunday and watch him on YouTube. He tells it like it is, easy to follow and listen to and I love to hear him. I also like Joyce Meyers. Hearing them has helped me so much and wish I had been brought up with God as it would have made me a different person.
At your age, you have so much life in front of you and you are a beautiful person. Find your strength and please don't let others be in charge of your life and feelings like I did. I regret that the most that I allowed others to ruin my life and will work so hard to change what I can before I die. We can do it with baby steps and I am always here for you. Thank you for your reply to me and it is nice meeting you and remember I care and all that are on this site care. Please try to be strong and realize that you can change and turn into a beautiful butterfly. We are rooting for you!
Hugs, gamster5
Having read your post and some of the replies I feel very sad that you've had to endure such abuse and horrible times in your life and I can see why your Sparkie is so very important to you. I am Mags and I have a furry friend Hen but I truly don't deserve him or anyone in my life. You've had to endure so much pain and suffering in your life whereas I had a mum and dad who were just kindness in every way yet I've had a life full of depression and selfishness. I was spoilt! and find life so hard. They were quite old by the time was born and both worriers in a very nice way!
I was very happy in my marriage but became desperate for a baby and fell apart each time I miscarried. I didn't know how to express my loss and God knew I'd be a useless mother! I pushed my husband away as I stayed in bed feeling sorry for myself and left him to go to events on his own whilst I was depressed for several months! He said he loved me until I fell apart as he'd always thought I was strong! not a lazy, unwashed and sitting staring at the tv kind of person. We lasted twenty years and always stayed n touch and it was because of him I got my little dog almost eight years ago!
I'd always wanted a fur baby and I wanted him to be so happy and I knew I could take him to work in his little crate. When he was 12 weeks old I found out the business I worked at (given up my career after my divorce as I had no confidence! so just a part time job) was being sold and it was the sat before Xmas! I took my little Hen for his jab same day and wasn't totally shocked to learn he had been born almost blind!! I felt so bad for him and rubbish for me as I realised his insurance wouldn't be valid for congenital problem and dashed off to a specialist. I had no money, now no job and this gorgeous dog who I was so worried I wouldn't be able to keep and guess what -- I fell apart again!!! That little dog is the kindest most loving little creature but I just couldn't imagine how I was going to pay all my bills, feed him and look after him without a job!!! I couldn't function but somehow managed to walk him outside but felt like I didn't deserve him.
We got through somehow (with debt) and several times I met my boyfriend walking his dog and we started dating! Kind and caring, never been married or lived with anyone, had a lovely dog and he loved mine too. A year on and I had cancer and my partner took care of both me and the dog and I had surgery and recovered then more surgery and recovered. I don't know where I got the fight from but I did!!! My partner loved me staying in the bedroom with the door shut after the second op as he worked at home! and I didn't really know how to cope without him! It was like I didn't belong at my place anymore and felt like an imposter here as this little place was his office. I'm rubbish at domestic chores (and now it seems I may have dyspraxia) and he'd always had a cleaner which was a relief. Of course I was the new cleaner! The two dogs were best friends and got along so well when I was away in hospital and recovering with friends etc.
Well, my partner had become my saviour and I stayed in my job until I sold up my home 3yrs later and bought into his place! I didn't know how to cope without him as he'd looked after me and i didn't know how to look after myself anymore (if ever!) I moved in proper, sold my place, gave up my job 3years later to spend time with my mum before she passed away then fell apart six months later and have just turned into a lazy horrible depressed person these last months. I allow him to talk to me like rubbish as I feel that's what I deserve! Somehow I was quite independent before we got together but of course I've got through most of my money whilst not working and today he's said we're selling up as he can't bear my depression and anxiety. He's right I'm a nightmare and I'd truly love to sleep and not wake up again. He'd look after my dog better than I can and he can get back to his own life. My little Hen needs to go to the groomers and so do I!!! I wish you were nearer and Hen could give you and Sparkie some love through your tough time. He'd love you I know and vice versa! Before I found out about his eyes, he was going to be trained as a pat dog. I feel he's had too much to deal with in his life with such a crap mum. I wish I could get out and feel confident. I've got dressed for the first time in 3 days as I'm a lazy mess! Apologies for the long message and hoping you have an ok day. Be proud of bringing up two children alone and giving a Sparkie such a happy life. You sound so lovely despite some really difficult things to deal with.
Sending you warm love and hugs xxx
Crazylazy
Thank you for your reply. My heart hurts for you as you have been through Hell! I hope you have a place to live with your baby. The last marriage I had my ex treated me like I was a big burden, didn't and wouldn't understand and wanted a divorce after he beat me down to nothing. I took Sparkie and found a place to live and have been alone ever since.
Every time you called yourself a name just killed me. My father called me dumb shit all my life and that is what I thought I was.
You are a beautiful person in a bad place and you didn't ask for all that crap to happen. You are stronger than you think and all you have had to deal with...you are still here. You deserve happiness and well being and it is out there if you just hang in till it hurts. I am proud of you that you reached out to this site and I am glad I did. We can hurt together while going through a process of healing but please try as hard as you can not to call yourself names. I went through that and bit my tongue till it bled! I am doing okay with the name calling, but still think it in my head. I made up little things to say to myself like I am worthy, I am a fighter and can do this, I am a nice person and those a****wholes don't know it and I don't care...they are not worth it. Just anything that would come to me when I started to belittle myself. You have been through a horrible time and made it through. We have a lot of time ahead to learn and grow as real people and I want that so much for both of us. We can learn how to control our minds. I don't know the answers, but I am here for you and we can learn together. Remember you are a worthy person (I mean that) and that giant puzzle in front of us will be solved one day. I just know that there is a rainbow out there for you.
Hugs back to you and your baby,
gamster5
Thank you so much for your kind message -- I shall stay in touch xx
I just reread your message to give myself some hope. I haven't left the house for days and I just don't cope. My bf has just taken the dogs out and my bestie of 45 yrs is trying to help me. I have so many kind people in my life but I'm hurting them by not moving forward. I hope things are better with you today and that Sparkie is doing ok. Take care xx
Crazylazy
Hello beautiful person!
I thank God first that you have people in your life that care. This is a problem for them also and they can't see or feel like you and it is super hard for them. They might really feel like they can make you better but it's like the blind leading the blind. After many hurtful moments and fights with my son and daughter, we decided to declare a truce. I had a long talk with both of them (I asked them to listen only and don't talk) and read from a paper that I wrote about me. I told them that they were wonderful and I was very happy that they cared for me, but they couldn't "fix" me. The most important thing to me is that they were there! I promised to watch closely what I said as I would have them do also. We decided on a "word" that we all could use to say when we started on the same old hurtful moments and that we would stop there and give each other a hug....THE END. We agreed to disagree and respect each other because at that time nothing was working for us. It was so hard at first, but it worked and saved a lot of wasted time on hard situations that came up. It is impossible for friends and family to see and feel what we are going through...they see us hurting and because they care, they want to fix us and make everything better. My kids are grown and away from me. Don't have much contact with daughter as she is a RN, going to college, working 12 hour shifts at hospital and lives 50 miles from me. She has her plate full trying to take care of family, work and is either sleeping, studying or working on night shift. My son lives in Washington state (I live in Kentucky), has mental and physical problems, but calls me every night to check in on me. I have no support from anyone here and could be dead for months and nobody would know. At first (my son) we were two mentally impaired people trying to talk to each, but we remembered the "word" and made our calls short and sweet. The word worked and things are better between us. He is in the process of moving to Kentucky to be closer to us as all the family in Washington are dead or gone and he is alone and having a hard time just trying to exist.
Long story--short. I got closer to God and he has made life bearable for me and given me a new way to see and courage to keep going. I might never change...still locked up with Agoraphobia, but I do hope for a better future and know it is up to me to find a way to get better. My primary doctor has been a great help and the meds. he has me one are working to keep my feet on the ground and still searching for answers.
I am so happy that you have people that care, but maybe there is some way you can all reach some kind of understanding how to react to the situation you and them are in. I wish you all love and understanding for each other. Do you have any outside help like a doctor or therapist or medications you are on?
You are a beautiful, deserving person and I will pray for all of you that you can come to a more comfortable answer on how to communicate and treat each other. It's so easy to say and so hard, but keep on trucking and know I am here for you.
Sparkie doing well with her new meds. and will go to vet next month for blood tests to see how far her kidney disease has progressed. We have both had to learn how to handle her being blind, not hearing and is in pain throughout her whole body with arthritis. I just give her as much love I can each day and thank God every morning when she wakes up.
I thank God for you and you are always in my thoughts...you are special and deserve some happiness in your life. No more name calling unless it is positive....deal?
Take care, Sparkie and I are sending you a special love hug...all warm and mushy!
Kathy xoxo (gamster5)
Thank you for your message. Hoping you and Sparkie are doing ok today. Henri needs his hair cutting and somehow I need to take him. I dont think I've ever really understood life and have always been a talker and avoided doing things. I was so spoilt but I can't change that now -- Henri and I send you big hugs xx
Oh my love!
Even though I am in the state that I am dealing with, I believe with all my heart that we can change. I am taking baby steps and had to take Sparkie to be groomed and white knuckled it all the way to the vet. She has made it possible to go out of my comfort zone for her food and medication and trips to the vet. I am praying for you and my heart feels your pain.
Saprkie and I send you and Henri a big hug and a wet slickery kiss! Ha
Kathy (gamster5)
I feel the exact same way about wanting to go asleep and not wake up. I haven't attempted, but I've almost tried to several times. Just know that you're not alone in this. I know it's hard to keep fighting but we're all here for a reason.
Minileah1218
Thank you for your reply. I have felt that way about going to sleep many times in my life. I even googled Suicide on internet. What an eye-opener. After all I read I felt like I would even screw that up! I have come close a couple times, scared to death! But I always come back to God and know he is in charge and only he decides when you are going to die. Then I would go through long periods of pure guilt over everything and beating myself up until the mood passed. Another thing that kept me alive is my dog, Sparkie. She is my life and my only real love. She is going on 17 in a few months and her body is starting to shut down with kidney disease and bad heart. I am doing everything her vet says and the hardest thing is dealing with the reality that she is going to be gone. I don't know how I am going to deal with that and don't have enough money to get another dog as I will be paying off her bills for a long time.
I know I can't take my own life so don't know where I will be.
Remember you are a beautiful person and are important to all on this site. You matter big time and I'm rooting for you!
You take care of yourself and keep on trucking because as you said we are here for a reason and I pray that we find the answer.
Hugs to you,
Kathy (gamster5)
thank you so much. I don't get very many compliments so that was sweet. 💓😂 I'm honestly trying to go on ... I'm still having trouble reminding myself I'll get through this. I'm so sorry about your dog. I have an extremely close relationship with one of mine and I couldn't imagine losing her. I understand the hurt you're feeling. Someone said above about you taking care of senior dogs later on in time, and that sounds like a great idea! I think that would be something great for you!
Oh and btw, wow. I can't believe you made it this far. I'm honestly struggling so badly right now so I couldn't imagine fighting for that long. Be proud of yourself for that 😊
Thank you. I never thought I would live this long, but I guess it's the stubborn person inside me.
Where did you get the smiley face?
Hugs, Kathy
It's just an emoji on my phone lol
I'm very scared I'll live a very long life as my parents did (192 yrs between them!!) They were both worriers as they got older! I can't imagine another 30odd years with anxiety and depression! 🙃🙏 -maybe I won't have it then!!
Gamster i do hope you are ok now...
Not what you're looking for?
You may also like...
Feeling Lost And Alone
Lost...
Feeling Alone and Lost
Miserable
Alone and afraid...
Lost perpetually
Alone 
Feeling all alone
Anxiety and depression 
Feeling aloneModeration team
