how do i know if i have anxiety?

[dwhp]

i'm not sure why i'm feeling so strange recently. i used to be full of optimism now i feel empty and lonely all the time eventhough i'm happily married. i feel like i have no friends at work and my friends outside of work are always busy. it's hard to be positive when there's no reciprocity. you feel like you're doing more than the other person. i feel this way when i'm at work and it follows me home. i don't want to be like this with my husband b/c he doesn't deserve to be around an unhappy person that he isn't the cause of. i feel overwhelmed with the thought of my loneliness and it just drags. what to do?

[JasmineJaz]

Just providing a perspective -- I always to try to take care of my physical health when I'm feeling numb or depressed for no good reason. Just regular stuff like eating protein, vegetable, and fruit, stay away from junk food and dessert, constantly take rests, do moderate exercise, take a hot bath. It's basic but working for me. The most important is to get a good night's sleep. My personal experience is that when the body has what it needs, the brain will naturally be happy.

Another possible solution for me is to go out and try something new. Sign up for a bakery class, go ice skating, go to see a musical, etc, anything new. And it works better when it involves a long enough conversation with a stranger.

I find it most helpful to be with a real friend and just have fun and chill, and perhaps talk about life decisions and difficulties. Although I know that's not something to be found just around the corner. Another possibility is to participate in some activity that can meet with young adults. I'm lucky enough to have college students as neighbors, and sometimes a simple greeting cheers me up.

If nothing works, I'll probably talk to my therapist about it and see what they think.

[dwhp in reply to JasmineJaz]

Hi JasmineJaz, thank you for your wise words. i am trying to expand my social circle by joining a meetup group but i have yet to find a group that i'm interested in. i am also looking to join hobby classes. Human interaction is a precious commodity nowadays given layoffs and remote coworkers. it's not easy to make friends and they don't always want in person interactions. i will definitely keep trying. glad i have a community I can reach out to for feedback. hope you're well in your neck of the woods.

[JasmineJaz in reply to dwhp]

“Human interaction is a precious commodity nowadays“ -- couldn't agree more. We all have to adapt to the post-pandemic world and rebuild the connection or ability to establish connection with people. Best of luck to you 🙏

[Blueruth]

Developing self care habits is absolutely key.

Being married doesn't mean you don't have individual needs. If you do not have a focus outside the marriage and work I would look at that first.

[dwhp in reply to Blueruth]

Hi Blueruth, thank you for your precious advice. i will definitely work on building/strengthening my social network outside of work and my husband. hard to believe that i'm at this weird point in my life where i feel lonely. hope all is well with you.

[designguy]

Bluruth has excellent advice, you might also try to understand more about yourself, like have you been a people pleaser or have a need to take care of others, is your self-worth derived from it, do you do things for others and then have a lot of resentment about, etc... When we spend the time to listen and determine what stories and beliefs we are telling ourselves about ourself and others we can then choose what works for us and change the ones that no longer serve us. It can also help us improve our self-worth and self-acceptance which also improves our relationship with others. The most important relationship we have is the one with ourself.

[dwhp in reply to designguy]

Hi Designguy, you must have telepathy. you are saying all those things that i'm learning about myself right now. it's like i'm getting to know a whole different person. i've been doing too much for others that i've lost myself in the process. i need to rebuild my identity and never allow this emptiness to happen again and be self reliant on my own happiness. i'm in the information gathering stage of my healing process so once i got a good picture then i'll design a plan. thank you for your uncanny spot on insight. hope the rest of the week goes well!

[designguy in reply to dwhp]

You're welcome, so glad I could help and glad you are already getting insight into what is going on for you. The more we know the better able we are to heal.

Incase you need it, one of the things that really helped me deal with my anxiety was learning a constructive way to deal with it that is counter to a lot of traditional thinking. Anxiety is a paradox and the more we resist it the more it persists. It's role was to protect us but now we no longer need protecting but it doesn't realize that yet. Learning to no longer fear the anxious thoughts and feelings is key. There are a number of good books and programs available on it and I found the DARE Anxiety book and youtube videos to be a good, clear, doable approach to understanding it and how to deal with the panic and anxiety. I also use it as a reference if I get stuck.

I'll work on that telepathy - LOL.

[dwhp in reply to designguy]

HI Designguy, thank you for the resource. i've ordered a copy from Amazon and am excited to add this to my tool chest. i didn't know i had anxiety all along cuz we didn't have the abundance of info and access like we have now via the internet. i'm taking this oppty to learn about self awareness. i'm not sure if I'll like this new me but i'll be sure to give it my best and overcome my fears. The worse thing that could happen is that i've tried and not let another 30 years pass by living in misery. I'll be sure to count you as my blessing for the day. Warm wishes!

[designguy in reply to dwhp]

You're welcome, I hope it is helpful for you and let me know if you have any questions about it after you've had time to read it. I had anxiety for years and had no idea what it was, I just knew there was something wrong. There was no awareness about it back then, thankfully that has changed and the internet has brought so much more info and awareness about it.

Developing more self awareness about ourselves is really helpful for our healing and learning to accept ourselves more fully. That includes the good parts and the parts we don't like but then with awareness we can choose to change the parts we don't like and heal them. Best to you on your journey.