I no longer recognise myself in pictures, the mirror whilst shaving yes, but pictures no. This other person is living my life ......... who the hell is he? Who the ...... am I?
It's like when you hear your voice on a recording and you think whose that?
It has changed my whole perspective on myself. I no longer go out socially. The view I had of myself has totally changed and I feel grim and worthless. I live alone, after two failed marriages and I sometimes think, what is the point of carrying on .....
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Lost55
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I am so sorry you are feeling like this, like you are watching your life rather than living it. I have felt this too. I too, found myself alone after a failed marriage and wondering what the heck to do now? I felt just like you are describing: useless, pointless, ugly, unwanted, without purpose and so on...it is really hard, you cannot escape the thoughts and it is exhausting! Oh my dear I hear you loud and clear!
It is no wonder you are escaping your life and stepping away from the person who is playing you at the moment. Your body double can man the ropes and you can take a break to catch up with yourself. I wouldn't worry too much about the detachment as such, for now, just go with the flow for a little while. it is you, really, out there and you will find your way back, it will just take a little while. have you had any medical help with these feelings and your situation? I ask because it is important to remember that we need the doctors for issues with our bodies as much as our minds. The brain is a body part that breaks just like a leg does. Have you seen anyone?
I found that that I could not predict the future...shocking discovery ;). But it is true, you just do not know what's around the next corner. Look at so many famous people who didn't find their true calling until later in life. Samuel L Jackson was in his 40s when he stumbled into films, Vera Wang was a journalist until her 40s and colonel Sanders (founder of KFC) didn't launch KFC until his was 65! Many of them were pretty lost and doing odd jobs and having financial difficulties before that. Give your future self a chance. Give your future love a shot at you when the time is right. try to distract yourself with activities, be kind to yourself, you have gone through a lot of hardship, you deserve to heal and to regain your identity. Your past is not a failure, it is a journey and a heck of an interesting one. Imagine writing a book about your life when you are 80 years old...this chapter would read something like "I was in a bad place back then, but little did I know what was waiting around the next corner. I wish I could go back to myself on that day and say that everything was going to be OK" Take Care, you are worth it! Big Hugs!
Thank you sooooo much for taking time to reply. Sleep seems to be best companion. At least there, I can feel .......... young, attractive and wanted. The future well .... My doctor took no notice, what so ever. My drive for life is dead. I can't seem to do anything to bring back that zest, even housework goes undone, just the very basics. Whose going to see? My family invite me, but I the thing/person, I see in their pictures isn't me ....... Just a grey old, fat, ugly lump. In my shaving mirror I'm no Brad Pitt, but I do recognise an older ME. I wouldn't mind so much if I could get a diagnosis, to help explain to people why I'm behaving like this.
You seem exhausted! I would encourage you to try your GP again. I realised, when I first went, that once there, I could not explain at all how I was feeling. I basically just said, I am fine and left. Next time I wrote it all down and took it with me. When I went in to the room I simply said "I wrote it down because it seems I can't find the words otherwise" he read it and the rest is history. You could even take a pic of this conversation and show them, anything to get your message across. They will appreciate it. You are worth it, even if you can't see it right now. As for mundane tasks and keeping tidy, do as much as you can, the essentials. You are still looking after yourself too so these things you do for you not anyone else. A clean room can help with clearer thoughts. Remove these tasks from your mind by performing them so that you make space in your mind. You don't want it to become unhealthy in your living space, be careful not to invite infections you certainly don't need right now. Can you talk to your family? Would they understand and support you?
well, this is a fine mess of thoughts! just as the mirror reflects you when you shave, the reality is that those photographs are also you. photographs are the past by their very nature, the mirror is the present. so, there's the clue. it will help you in recovering from anxiety if you can stay in the present. have a look at mindfulness, I know! not gobbledygook! I thought same, but it isn't, it's really sensible and it keeps you in the here and now, which is where people with anxiety need to be. there's a free app, BRAINSPACE. Try it, it is useful... honestly.
Mate if you read my posts, im the same..Im 42 and feel just like you... talk about worthless..wish I could be of more help to you but just letting you know your not alone..Hope you find yourself soon and you will..I understand what you are going through..
I wonder how you are doing today, 5 years after you made this post. I came across your post because it was the closest thing online to my own Google search. Interestingly, when I read your words, I immediately wanted to defend your position, your value to the world, without even knowing you. How come I cannot defend my own value in this way? Maybe we are both dealing with low self esteem respectively, and going through periods of our life where our bodies are changing fast.
I think everyone is alone and lost, even if they don’t realise it. Ultimately. Our mothers might be there after we are born, loved ones might be by our side when we die. But we arrive and leave this reality solo. And that’s ok. No one will experience your life the way you will. Your in your own movie, and me mine. Maybe there’s some body dysmorphia in there with the not recognising oneself… I have no answers. But I sincerely hope your life is good right now, fulfilling, vital and in motion. All the best, Spiral33 xxx
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"I hate myself"
I hate myself
I Don’t Know Myself Anymore
What’s in my mind and how I hurt myself is annoying shit
