I just need to vent

[anon99]

I’m sitting here crying my eyes out as I type this. I’m so sick and sad I just do not feel like me anymore.. I just cant switch back to how I used to be. I feel mentally like a different human being. I don’t know who this girl is.. Cant even enjoy my favorite holidays. I can’t put it into words but this is not me. I just want the real me back. It’s so scary and dark. People around me don’t even notice and I’m drowning inside. I don’t talk to friends anymore or hangout. I’m so scared a brain tumor has made me this way, I can’t just seem to shift my mind back to Kylie. I can’t take it anymore.

[Hidden]

Hey, anon. Let’s dissect the language above. The common theme is, “I can’t”, “I don’t”. This creates a mosaic of everything you don’t want; so I’ll ask you, what can you do? What do you have control of? The more you focus on what you can control, the more you are able to control more things.

For example, instead of, “I don’t want to have a panic attack”, replace it with, “I want to have a great day today”.

These are things that have helped me and i hope it can help you too.

[anon99 in reply to Hidden]

That’s really good advice , thanks

[Damian]

I know exactly what you mean, it's horrible when anxiety gets to the point where you're stuck. My anxiety never exactly goes away, so I always tend to worry about things that are unlikely or don't matter. For the most part though I can make an effort to think logically and then distract myself by doing something else. What's really unpleasant though is when that stops working. The worries are so overwhelming that it's impossible to be realistic about the risks, it's impossible to distract myself, and so I can't do anything except keep going through the worries over and over again.

What I will say is that it will pass. The fact that you feel like this now doesn't mean you always will. Learn the techniques that will help you cope, take medication if you want; both those things will help. Time will make a big difference too, though.

I think virtually everyone has a crisis at some point, it's not just those of us who post on here, with our "anxiety" labels. People aren't particularly logical and sometimes we feel bad for no very good reason. When I was first hit by anxiety I felt I was abnormal and the only one, but actually I've learnt that it's really common. You say people around you don't notice, but probably in reality they have their own troubles, and they don't feel able to talk about them either. At least you've come here where hopefully you can talk things through.

[anon99 in reply to Damian]

That makes sense... thanks for your reply.

[JEG325]

Kylie, I sympathize strongly with you. As a fellow sufferer, I wish I had my life back too. As a guy, crying is really looked upon as taboo. So, I try to hold everything inside until I wanna burst. Look, take it from me, crying's okay. When you're done tell yourself, 'I have cried out the hurt and now I can move forward for awhile.' Try to find a hobby or special interest that makes you happy. Maybe you can use a skill or hobby to help others. There is no greater joy than to help others escape their problems and pain too. And K? While you're doing that, you can escape from your own problems for awhile. Have a blessed day, my friend!

[anon99 in reply to JEG325]

Thankyou 💜

[Hello_Vivi]

I can relate to these feelings of not recognizing the person you've become and feeling consumed by the negative feelings. Praying for better days for you.