Who am I?

Who am I?

Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Mild Agorphobia, Mild OCD, and some specific phobias (can't get into a car at night, can't go on an elevator, etc.)

Mentally speaking, I'm a mess.

But that's not who I am.

That's not who I can and know in my heart I can be.

I love reading, and writing, and dancing, and singing, and playing the piano, and studying biology, and watching TV shows and movies and anime.

I want to be an author. I want to be a biologist. I want to go to college. I want so much - too much? - that I can't have.

My mental state is like a wall that I cannot break.

And I'm helpless against it.

I do my best, but I'm still helpless against it.

And no one understands.

My mom can't because she's a mental mess of her own. And I love her so much but she's not strong enough to hold us both.

My dad does not accept or does not want to accept or just doesn't about my mental state.

And me?

I don't know about me.

I don't know anything anymore.

I'm just a girl.

Just a girl who wants and wants and wants but can't and can't and can't.

I'm all alone.

I guess the 'princess' needs to save herself in this one, huh?

"I'm a monster," the boy said, looking at his hands in horror.

"We are all monsters." The girl grabbed his hands, wrapping them in her own. "The only difference is how we treat it. Whether we hide it, fight it, embrace it or ignore it, there is a monster in us all."

It's easier not to write than write. It's easier to give up on your story. It's easier to read a book or watch TV than sit down and write. But great things never come easy.

Hope is a human emotion. No matter how much we try to supress it, it will always come back to haunt us when we least expect it.

9 Replies

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  • We here do understand but many of us cannot express it so eloquently. Keep pursuing the things you love. You don't want too much and you're a beautiful writer who is clearly not helpless and certainly not alone.

  • Thank you so much.

    Your comment just made my day (':

  • Beautifully written from your heart. Such truth and pain. I get it. I know your pain.

  • Great writing! Don't give up on your dreams. The world needs more people like you!

  • Aww, thank you so much.

    I can't even tell you how much it means to me to hear this.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  • Written so beautifully! You clearly have a gift with words (I imagine it's just one among many). Please don't give up! I'm fighting for my daughter, who was diagnosed with OCD just as she turned 13. It's breaking my heart. I'm going to see if she'll read what you wrote. May I add that hope might seem to haunt, but without it, well... you know. NEVER give up! There is always hope. Sending a hug your way.

  • Thank you SO much.

    If I'm crying right now, it's happy tears :')

    I'm so very grateful for all those wonderful, empowering comments.

    I wish all the well in the world for you and your daughter. Make sure she knows to never - ever - give up, no matter how hard it will get.

    And just be there for her. Sometimes, just being there for someone is all they

    need (:

    I wish you well and good luck.

    Thank you!

  • Keep on writing and singing and dancing and also working on your anxiety. Do you have a therapist? That's a good first step.

    I have had OCD for many years. Without therapy it would be much worse. Are you on meds? Do you want to be?

  • Your wall will come down little by little. You are not a mess. You are young and have all sorts of therapy to consider. I am middle aged and I still have to do this. I have OCD, anxiety and depression. I am on meds and see a therapist which helps very much. Are you in therapy now?

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