Distance related breakup.

[MichiganBoy]

I've been struggling with feelings of self-loathing and inadequacy for years now, and just recently I had to leave one of my few positive relationships for reasons outside of my control. We both cared about each other, but life put too much distance between us for things to continue.

It's been about six months. She's moved on, I haven't.

I know that at this point, I should be focusing on self-care and working to improve myself, but I just can't seem to get past this feeling of despair. I never felt like I'd "earned" that relationship, it just sort of happened and I was always afraid that she'd realize how beneath her I was and leave. Now it feels like I was right, I was always replaceable, and I've lost my one chance at something better than I ever deserved.

To make matters worse, I have no one to talk about it with. She was my only real confidant for things this personal. I have to constantly bottle up my grief and try to be productive, and it's not working very well. I want to do the mature thing and not mope around, not make it look like I'm bitter, but I just feel hopeless. I'm lonely and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I don't deserve help, like my desperation is a result of my inherent flaws as a person and, thus, my own fault.

I don't have much of a question, I just wanted to vent. I've been going through waves of sadness and self-directed hate for months and I just needed to get my thoughts out there, to someone.

[Hidden]

Heyyyy MichiganBoy, first of all, Welcome to this lovely little safe corner of the internet. <3 We're all here with different stories & situations, & you're among some really incredible people with amazing advice.

I am so sorry that you went through a breakup & it seems you're still very much in love with this girl. Have you ever thought about maybe reaching out to her to talk? Or is that something that you cannot do? You know, you never know what can happen in the future. You guys could actually really hit it off again & one of you could move. I'm a romantic at heart, so I always believe true love prevails...

I would say - GO FOR IT! Give it all you got. You never know. That might be the woman of your dreams. If 6 months have went by, & you're still so much in love that you can't stop thinking about her, I would really try to do something about it. That's just my two cents.

If you ever need anything, you have a friend in me! I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide either way! xoxoxo

[MichiganBoy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much, it means a lot just to have someone hearing me.

We do still talk, though things have gotten a bit tense as of late. Initially I tried to do what I believed to be the mature thing and say I didn't mind her talking about what's going on in her dating life, but after several incidents of her even mentioning dating putting me in a bad mood all day, I admitted it was hurting me too much. The conversation went well, but she hasn't spoken to me very much since.

As much as I would love to follow your advice, there are now several states between us and, like I said, she's happily progressed into another relationship. The last thing I want to do is make her feel guilty for being happy, or for being well-adjusted enough to get over a breakup in a reasonable time frame.

Honestly, for the first few months, the hope that things would somehow work out kept me going. I staved off the blue by imagining that I'd somehow find the time and money to visit, or other things like that. It wasn't until she started talking about how well things were going for her that reality really started to set in, and I started having more bad days than good.

[Hidden in reply to MichiganBoy]

You're so welcome & I am sorry that my hopefulness didn't really help. I'm sorry. :/ I guess I didn't think she moved on into another relationship, I just thought maybe you meant you haven't heard much from her.

Do you think you could maybe find someone else that you might like? I know it does take some time, but maybe just focus on being the best you that you can possibly be, & the right woman will come along for you when that time is right.

I'm sorry that I gave you such bad advice. I'm an eternal optimist. I hope that you can somehow get some closure from this relationship & find yourself healing in due time. They say time heals all wounds, right? I don't know.. I've always found that getting over one is by getting under another... Lol. Okay, I guess I shouldn't have said that, huh? Hahaha. Just wanted to make you laugh. I wish you all the best, dear. xoxo

[MichiganBoy in reply to Hidden]

I do appreciate it. I've never been very good at meeting people, not socially and especially not romantically, and on top of that I can't say I'm all that eager to move on. Logically I know the proverbial ship has sailed and moving forward is the only thing to do, but emotionally I don't want anyone else, if that makes sense. I just... can't right now.

Trying to be the best me I can be is tough as well, since I never considered "me" worth much to begin with. It's hard to focus on self-care and improvement when you feel like you don't deserve better. I've got a toxic mentality when it comes to my self-image and it's quite the trial working through that and post-relationship woes at the same time, but I'm doing my best.