My mental health has been extremely bad recently. I had a mental health lapse two weeks ago where I tried to hurt myself, and my partner broke up with me while I was in the hospital. I had been living with him in our apartment too. I’ve been really anxious and conflicted in my thoughts because I feel angry he could do that to me, but also I am such an empathetic person that I feel for the pain he is experiencing too because this is scary. Our relationship has definitely been suffering too.
I’m sad but the reality is no matter how the relationship went, he left me in the hospital after I tried to hurt myself. The doctors and nurses kicked him off the property because he was causing me distress by breaking up with me literally a few hours after the ordeal. If that doesn’t say something. My friend told me that his actions are trying to tell me something about the kind of person he is, and that she hopes I’m listening.
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khappy365
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Do not blame yourself!!! Your partner is a real jerk. So selfish to abandon you in your hour of need. I wonder if he is contributing to your bad situation. Stay strong. you are not alone. We are here.
khappy365, I just referred to this post. You must never blame yourself for the reaction of another. You may be an empathetic person but your bf is far from that. Scared or not, leaving you at a critical time in your life is definitely a "red flag" as your friend told you. He showed his true colors. Some people cannot handle mental illness in others. They want to run as far as they can and will use any excuse to do that.
I don't blame the doctors and nurses for kicking him off the property. His thoughtlessness was harmful to your mental state at the time. I don't know what might have prompted you to hurt yourself but right now you need positive supportive people around you. We are ready to extend that comfort to you. Life is a lesson that we need to listen to. xx
Good Lord! Why would you want to be perfect? How boring. There is so much beauty in imperfection. Perfect is so 2 dimensional. Don't view your quirks & so called flaws as a bad thing. They are what make you an original. A limited edition. Thank God for that!
I just know that it’s not my job to be worrying about what he’s doing. I know I shouldn’t be worrying about what he’s thinking. But subconsciously I know that I miss him. I know that if we worked together on things it would make sense. But also, subconsciously I feel like even if I didn’t try to hurt myself, it never really would have worked and we both would have continued being miserable. He needs to mature in different ways than I do. It’s just painful because I just want to talk to him. I want to move on with my life but be able to grab coffee with him again one day. It just doesn’t feel like, at least to me, this was the end of the story. I want him to feel the same pain but not in a revenge type of way, but because I know he has a heart in there and I know that he is capable of caring for me in ways beyond himself. I don’t know why I believe that. I don’t know why I give him that benefit of the doubt. I don’t know if I’m just missing the idea of his potential.
wow khappy - that's a truly horrific story of lack of support!!!
your friend is right on point - your [so called] "partner"'s actions speak VOLUMES about the kind of person he is.
you need real friends to support you, and the word partner - implies that is supposed to be someone to help you when times are tough... that he ran at first opportunity - i'm angry at him for you!!
i really do understand you're empathy for him, and what he's going thru - that he may be having a hard time dealing with your problems. That speaks well of YOU in so many ways - and speaks about your ability to love. i don't know what his problems are - so it isn't fair for me to attempt to judge or comment. that said - i'm now going to judge and comment further . whatever he's going thru - that you did harm to yourself - is a clear cry for help. that he couldn't even wait until you got out of the hospital (not that that's a good time either) - well i'm sorry for whatever he's going thru - but IMHO - you've trumped his problems!! you're justified in your anger!
Thank you for validating my feelings. I feel so empty because I did really feel betrayed. He’s off feeling free and feeling like he made the right decision but I loved him so hard and I can’t wrap around my head of “not being good enough”
read my lips.... (pretend you can see me screaming over the vast cyber distances)
khappy - you are NOT "not good enough"!!!!!
you are absolutely enough - exactly as you are!!!!!!
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what this guy did does NOT reflect upon you in ANY WAY!!!!! it reflects solely upon him and him alone!!!
there's only 1 thing that reflects on you - and that's YOU. don't let anyone push their insecurities off to you! this guy is no man. he's an insecure child in a man's body. that's all on him - you didn't make him that way.
you took a risk on him - you trusted and gave your love to him. this is the biggest risk that anyone can take. and when this risk pays off - it pays off big.. and when this risk fails - it hurts like he!!. but when it fails - you know you did not find true love, and you keep on looking. bandage your wounds and heal first - focus on YOU! heal YOU! work on YOU. when you're ready you can worry about taking that risk again...
for now - try not to think about this guy - he's not worrying about you. he doesn't deserve room in your head... he's definitely not paying you rent for it!!!! reserve space in your head for people that deserve it.
I grew up in an abusive family. Yep I said family. It was all of them. I grew a tough skin and a philosophy. You may have hurt me. I will cry. But only for a short time. On the other hand you will always be you and that is truly sad.
Oh sweetie he's not free and will never be. He doesn't have the depth of character to be anything more than the insensitive jerk that he is. Now you've cleared the path for the right person to enter your life.
Hi khappy365,
I'm so sorry to hear of your situation and I hope you get well soon.
I know your feeling very vulnerable and distressed right now and feeling let down by your bf abandonment, but even in your situation you are also to think of the pain he's going through.
You've come here for support and help and as human nature dictates we bad mouth yr bf for breaking up with you. In your reply you say you want him to feel the same pain and yet in your original post you have empathy and compassion for him because you"feel for the pain he is experiencing too because it's scary." If you read your title, 'Suicide attempt...' That is traumatising and distressing to witness and he's not equipped to deal with it. It is frightening. What if your attempt on your life was successful? He would have been the one to find your body and it would have left him devastated, traumatised with ptsd and mental health issues. Suicides affects those who are left behind, your bf, family, friends, everyone. Your bf is not equipped to deal with this and it's unfair of you to expect this of him. This situation isn't good for any ones mental health.
You lament on his potential to care for you, and he has, but realised it's beyond his abilities. I tell you it is very hard work caring for people with mental health issues. Don't you think it leaves it's mark on the carers. As well meaning as your friend is she doesn't live with you and is not on the front line, so to speak, when you do have a relapse. This might sound odd but your bf broke up with you at the right time and right place. Knowing your propensity for self harming, he left you in a safe place where you will be looked after. Would it have been better that he broke up with you when you were in recovery or when you were well knowing your reaction to bad news with no help?
Please do not blame yourself or beat yourself up. So close this chapter and move on. Focus on healing and self care. Look to your own potential for getting better.
I understand what you’re saying but I’m not angry at the fact that he cannot care for me. The week I hurt myself he left for a trip we were originally planning to go on together. He posted lavishly on social media about his trip. This morning he posted again on LinkedIn about how he’s going to work on being better and better every day in all aspects in life.
Oh, sorry about that. That's very insensitive of him. Then you don't want to be with a man who doesn't give you a second thought. Grieve for the relationship so that you can close that chapter. Then focus all your energy on your healing at this present time. Don't waste your time looking up what he's doing because you will keep reliving the trauma of the break up. Forgive him to free yourself from anger and pain otherwise it will hinder your recovery. You need to remove all your triggers because your not in the right frame to deal with them. Go to therapy when you're well so you have the strength to deal with your issues, not when your in a relapse.
I’m sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Sounds like it’s time for new beginnings, new possibilities. Your boyfriend left, that’s hard, but he is gone and you have to accept that. The more we deny reality, the more we suffer. I think it’s time you focus on you, on fixing the relationship you have with yourself. Be with you, get to know you. We tend to expect others to make us happy and make us feel good and we forget that we really cannot put our happiness in someone else’s hands, that responsibility is only our own. So be in silence, go within, discover your true essence, your true self. Have compassion with yourself and begin loving yourself. You deserve you. ❤️
Sounds like you're better off without that partner. No matter how tough your troubles are for him it is cruel to add to your woes. Shame on him. Most so called normal people do not realize that to feel these levels of despair is a sign of a gentle and loving soul. They should be nurturing it not hurting it. Hang on the person who you truly deserve is out there wondering where you are. When things get bad for me I take my pulse. Thump thump. That's the sound of hope.
There are no perfect people and if you demand that of yourself, you will always fail. We all have good points and others we need to work on. Blaming ourselves is self destructive. I'm sorry you went through this terrible ordeal but don't blame yourself, love and forgive yourself because you are a beautiful creation. I'm sure you miss your bf but he is not committed to the relationship. Now is a time to work on healing for yourself. I will be praying for you.
Please keep listening to your friends and to your gut feeling. This person is a selfish human (in humane), awful person so run/not walk away if you hear from ‘it’ !
Your friend is right. That is who he is. I was married and emotionally abandoned in a time of crisis. I divorced him years ago. Looking back I see there were signs of the person he was from the beginning. I didn't see it, didn't want to and I was young. What you've just experienced from him is a great big neon sign. I doubt this is the first. Hindsight is 20/20. There are better men out there. Hang in and take support in this community. ❤️
I talked to him today for the first time since we broke things off. We talked for an hour and a half. I reached out to ask about the apartment and our lease. It ended up becoming emotional. He said he agreed that we both were not taking care of ourselves and definitely not of each other. He apologized for what happened that weekend with his friends because he shouldn’t have let them come visit when I had told him I was extremely stressed out. He said he really does love me a lot and misses me a lot and that this is really hard but this is what we both need right now. We cannot lean on eachother to get better. We are going to try to find someone to take over our lease but in the meantime I can keep my stuff in the apartment.
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xx
Deciding to breakup and co parent 
Breakup
Depression after bad breakup
Suicidal
Suicide
