Just curious if anybody here besides me initially sought therapy for a fetish that was distracting them from everything. I had a very hard time finding the right therapist in 2018 meaning even before COVID. What's worse is how I needed (and still need) a female therapist and psychiatrist which caused my college counselor to question if my fetish itself is why I sought help from women. It never was. Some people simply feel more comfortable opening up to a woman. One therapist found herself wrong for me after taking me into her office once and that led me to bang my head a lot and even tie a plastic bag to my head, nearly ending my life. The free adolescent place mentioned in my previous post came in that day and saved my life. Can anybody relate?
Used to be distracted by a fetish - Anxiety and Depre...
Used to be distracted by a fetish
You don't have to share if you don't want to, but what does this fetish entail? If you can understand the triggers, causes, and needs you might be able to better understand how to manage it.
My fetish is with stockings. I have much better managed its distractions with therapy and psychiatry. Funny thing that none of my therapists wore them with me ever, except that personal counselor. I think my first psychiatrist sometimes did and my second one did only the day my first one introduced us. Never wanted to act on my desires with any of these women.
I think making it known as soon as possible for both their and your sake would be wise. I know it can be embarrassing, but I think they would appreciate the honesty. Or perhaps seeking advice from a male counselor may also be better 
They know. Tried a male one once and it didn't go very well.
As someones whose been in therapy since 6th grade, I've had my fair share of male and female therapist. I know its hard not to generalize especially with such a negative experience, but there are wonderful male therapists out there. Don't give up hope
I like the female therapist and psychiatrist I currently have though. It was all women who made me feel validated in this fetish.
I think you would find a female counsellor would feel very uncomfortable dealing with such a sexual fetish.
You are better off seeking a male one.
As I was just trying to say, that is not the case. I have had a lot of female ones and this didn't hurt my relationship with them at all.
All of my therapists and psychiatrists, including the college counselor, said my desires are perfectly fine to have. The counselor, despite regularly wearing them, said the reasoning behind my desires is sweet.
I think that’s considered erotic transference in psychotherapy. I do not know very much about it except that it exists and was studied by Freud. It explains the desire for female therapists and avoiding make ones. I must say it is unethical and dangerous for that therapist to sustain your erotic transference by consciously enhancing and fueling your desires and the calling your tendencies ‘sweet’ crosses a line between therapist and patient making the therapy unsafe. I dare to use the word dangerous but I am going to.
It would be if the therapist was who I have said desires with. But she is not.
it could possibly have been a novice therapist, anyways she ceased being a blank screen and unaware of love transference a real concept in psychoanalysis. The patient is unable to focus on developing appropriate insights and attends the sessions for the opportunity to be close to the therapist, with the hope that the therapist will reciprocate love. undermining therapy. I’m not a psychoanalyst but this is clearly eroticized transference and it’s more common that nobody involved in this therapy, the “analyst” and you the “analsyand” has any experience dealing with boundaries. the novice may have read about sexualized or love transference, she may be tempted to deny its power when working with a patient. how do you know what the therapist thinks or feels? you don’t other than the validation of the fetish being ‘sweet’. its about a safe environment to understand and move through therapy and is important because the intensity, the underlying motivation, and the appropriate interventions are necessary and the therapist emphasizes, by words and actions, the boundaries of the psychotherapeutic relationship. one therapist saying your fetish is sweet and continuing to wear stockings to your sessions is not a safe environment for therapy after it’s been acknowledged and expressed by you and her. I’m going to stop there I’m not an expert.
💡
I do agree that the therapist could be more professional in her actions.
I also think the word " sweet " is not the word of choice for this situation .
❤️🐬
This was all the college counselor. My actual therapists and psychiatrists said there is nothing wrong with my desires.
There is nothing wrong with your desires I agree. But its a big step from that to only wanting to see female counsellors.
The first is fine but I consider the second to be a bit suss. And even a bit creepy to be honest.
A lot of people misconstrue me thinking I pick female providers because of my fetish. Not true at all. I simply feel a lot more comfortable opening up to a woman with everything about my life.
there isn’t anything wrong you or your desires, I hope I didn’t imply that there was, my intention was present the concept of love transference in therapy. I think it’s important to recognize though, that however deep your addiction goes you are justified in being unaware of the real reasons for the preference of female psychologists. the opportunity to misconstrue your preference is real so is your understanding of why that is. it’s about getting help and being able to function in life without addiction ruling or having so much power over our lives.
I do not want to get intimate with my provider at all. But I did have some negative experiences with male providers and only female ones have helped me over the years.
It’s understandable about your preference in gender and ability to open up, we all have preference. I don’t know if it’s a matter of actually getting intimate with your provider. when the transference becomes sexualized, or eroticized there are potentially damaging outcomes depending on the management of the transference is all I’m referring to.
transference is described as unconscious feelings transposed onto another person in therapy settings but it also occurs throughout life.
I'm sorry I seem to be getting confused with who is saying what.
I think we should be able to do what we want as long as we aren't hurting anyone
Hi, must say I’m curious and what exactly is your desire that is so sweet? Maybe you might get more replies from an actual fetish website, just a thought.
My desires are to smell feet in them after they were worn for a while and to tug at them. Smell them because any reaction could make the woman laugh and tug at them because clinging to an article of clothing that could smell that way in my eyes is showing I love and trust that woman to be there for me. If you ever saw Where the Wild Things Are, you might remember Max did that to his mother, which is what started the desire for me. Although I definitely don't want to do it to anybody in my family, there are so many women throughout the years I would have loved to do it to. Took me nearly a decade to find a girlfriend that is open to me doing both things to her. She and I are pushing 5 years now. The only desire that didn't require a partner was to wear them myself, which I did a lot while dorming at the college. Also did that a couple times with her after my dorm days.
I don't understand what the issue is. Is it that you were so focused on your fetish that you couldn't do what needed to be done in your normal life?
The fetish itself is not a problem. No one is harmed. We like what we like.
Yes I was distracted by it and unable to function in normal life so I needed to find the right therapist which was hell in itself but once I got the right place my mind was at ease.
That makes sense. I hate to see people being shamed for kinks and fetishes bc it's really nobody else's business what other people find exciting
I wasn't shamed but the desires I said above were for some time all I could think about.
I got it. I'm glad you found good help
I think you have very strange ideas about women. We are just as diverse and different as men you know and are just as trustworthy or untrustworthy too.
We are not some alien species who are all loving and caring who love nothing better than to look after a man like his mother would.
Maybe its your culture?
I understand and even agree with that. Just some bad experiences with male providers.
Thank you for your candid response. I can only try to imagine the complexities surrounding mental health (your previous post) as we are all unique regardless of diagnosis. I wish you well on your journey.
AlsoStonesFreak
I just read through your post and replies. I think if you are open with your therapist you should go with your preference as far as male/female. You are seeking professional guidance and any properly trained person is going to deal with this in the correct manner.
There are many obsessions and addictions out there that make some people uncomfortable. However a trained person should be open to your treatment plan, that is their job
I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
🐬
as long as you don`t use them to hold up a bank.
In what way does this fetish cause you problems? There is often a fine line between sexual desires and things that are labeled fetishes. Many people have sexual desires or interests that are not common and these only become a problem if they interfere with the functioning of the person who has them or if it is harmful to another person. Many people have somewhat unusual sexual interest, but they do not talk about them. I think these things are actually a lot more common than most people would think. If you read surveys about what people find sexually arousing, many of the describe things that others might find surprising. If you continue to have problems, I would seek help from a sex therapist. This would be somebody specifically trained in the area that is troubling you.
It used to make me unable to focus on anything else. Therapy changed that for the much better.
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