New here

[coiledrose]

This is my first post and of course my head is telling me that I’m an idiot for even posting here but I feel like my family and friends are over me complaining about my issues. Hoping that maybe just putting my thoughts out into the universe will help me feel better.

Backstory, I’ve been battling anxiety and depression since age 15 I am now 34. After years of different doctors I finally found one that was able to help me. When I started seeing him I was at my lowest, unable to make a phone call, scared to answer the door, leaving the house induced panic in my chest. I was 30 years old and had never had a drivers license because I was afraid of every aspect of getting said license. I was at my breaking point, I didn’t plan or want to kill myself but I didn’t care if I lived or died. The latter would have been a relief. My new doctor and I worked to find the right medications for me, he introduced me to yoga (something I had always laughed at) after some time I felt “normal”. I had never felt “normal” in my life. The last two years have been amazing. I became the person that I had always wanted to be... I felt normal. I was able to interact with people, I had no issues calling and making appointments, I felt like I was finally the mom my son had always deserved and needed and I finally FINALLY did what I needed to do to get my license. Things were good and I was working hard to maintain my mental health and doing what I could to fix the f$&@?! up way my head works. All of a sudden 2 months ago my insurance lets me know that I can no longer see the doctor that saved my life. I was due for an appointment for a med check which would now be done by my new doctor that my insurance company had so kindly picked out for me. At this first appointment all of my progress went right out the window. I was back at square one. The doc took me off of every single medication I was taking even my arthritis medication. He wants to “start over”. I can feel myself slipping back into that dark place once again. Everyday gets a little worse and I fucking hate it. I see where this ride is going and I want to get off. He started me on yet another antidepressant, it has helped my depression but now I constantly focus on my anxiety. Yay. I can’t relax, my brain won’t stfu and I cry all the time. On top of the medical stuff this has been the toughest year of my entire life. I can’t even put into words the amount of crap that’s been thrown our way. We’ve dealt with multiple challenges that most people won’t deal with in their entire life in just one year. It’s just not fair... how much can one person possibly take. Where do I go from here? How am I supposed to dig myself out of this hole for a second time when it almost killed me the first time?

[Hidden]

It’s so so difficult and tough and exhausting, but..you did it once you can do it again...when we worked so so hard the first time and we find ourselves back there it truly is awful...but it can be done. Keep the hope, things can turnaround quicker than you think..

You just made another step towards getting back to the better place, by posting here, so don’t feel like an idiot...writing things down has helped me such a lot, and many others...

Welcome to you...🌺🌼🌺🌼

[Racheezy]

Wow. Your story really really touched me. My anxiety has started to keep me from living my life. I’m almost 24 and I don’t have a license for the same reason. Everything seems so scary. I’ve started to take baby steps and I think maybe you should too. Think about how good you felt when you finally overcame it and felt amazing. You can regain that control. Please don’t give up. You’ve already done it once. Remember that all this takes patience. We have good days and sometimes we have bad ones. Little by little you’ll get back there. Stay strong! You’ve got this!

[coiledrose]

Thank you both so much 💕

[SmilesLots]

Keep pressing your new doc for the right meds - don't give up. Can you have a frank conversation with him/her and tell them the meds aren't working are you were doing so much better on the old meds? Can you fire this doc and find another doc that will give you the meds you need?

[coiledrose in reply to SmilesLots]

I go back in a week for a check up and this is exactly what I plan to do. It would be easy to just give up but I know where that gets me. I’ll go back for my next appointment and see where it may go and if it still isn’t a good fit I have one other doctor in my area I can see. Thank you for validating that my next steps are the right steps.

[SmilesLots in reply to coiledrose]

Good luck to you! I know how frustrating it can be. I have an auto immune disease and fired 5 docs until I found a specialist that would listen to me and address ALL my symptoms. In the end, it was well worth all the effort. I now have a doc that listens to me and we work as a team to deal with my symptoms. I also had a psychiatrist many years ago that misdiagnosed me and I got a second opinion - that doc just said, well I know your doc and she is very good, I'm sure she's doing the right thing - years later I found out she was wrong and finally got on the right meds. I should have pressed on and followed my instinct and sought yet another opinion.