New here... feeling lost: Hello all... - Anxiety and Depre...

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New here... feeling lost

lostsoulwandering profile image

Hello all... I've been feeling so lost... feeling like there is no meaning to my life and no source of fulfillment for me. I am not suicidal or anything like that, but I need a purpose. I am in my late 30s, a mom, and have completely lost who I am. I honestly am not sure I ever knew who I was in the first place. I was in an abusive marriage for 10 years (my entire 20s). As soon as left that, I too quickly found someone new. He is not physically abusive, but we are far from compatible. We have been together 8 years and married for 5. I think when we met I simply was looking at "well, he would never hit me! It's a win!" and I am realizing just how different we are. I do not want another divorce, nor can I afford one. I went back to school thinking that would help and give me a new goal and focus, but now I just feel it was a mistake since I have only accumulated more student loans. My kids are at ages where I am not needed much and my husband does his own thing a majority of the time. I am alone... a lot. I have no family nearby since I moved to where my husband grew up. I have 2 dogs which are honestly my only source of joy most days. I don't know how to snap out of this. I have tried various medications over the years in an attempt to help, but they don't seem to do enough. I've spent my entire life trying to make other people happy, that now I don't know how to make myself happy. I feel so alone. I hope having people who understand and that I can talk to will help me and in turn we can help each other.

35 Replies

Hey there welcome first of all. I’m arriving to my late 20s, but I know the feeling of feeling alone, while trying to make people happy. Idk if anyone has told you or anything m, but what I do, I write poetry or my feelings. It helps me process. I take walks... hoping I make friends or I try to start conversations. This is a lot since I have anxiety.

Thank you so much for responding... while I am happy you understand, I am also sorry. I struggle with anxiety a lot as well... particularly social anxiety. I worry too much what people will think of me while trying to teach my kids to not care what other people think of them... I'm the biggest hypocrite. I am looking forward to warmer weather to be able to take walks... do you meet people walking? I actually have been writing poetry since I was a kid although I can't remember the last time I wrote anything... maybe I should try. Thank you for your suggestions... I really appreciate it.

I don’t think you’re a hipócrite if all you can teach your kids that it’s ok to not be ok and how each day their mom tries to overcome another day. Well I see people walking and the such but I haven’t actually talked to them bc they are busy or seem.

Hi lsw, I'm glad you reached out. What meds have you tried? Are you able to talk to friends/ family about your feelings?

With concern and interest,


Hi Chris... I appreciate your concern. I have tried zoloft, Lexapro, Celexa, some I don't remember, but I am currently on viibryd and wellbutrin. Honestly, I don't think the meds help because I don't have a chemical imbalance issue, and the meds won't change the mistakes I've made in my life that have led to my unhappiness. They do help with anxiety though. I don't have a lot of friends anymore since I moved away from my hometown. The few I have here I really don't feel comfortable expressing these things to... As far as family, I am very close to my mother, but she just worries. I really have no one else. I always feel like I'll be an annoyance if I express any negativity to people I don't have that type of relationship with. I keep trying to find that switch in my head to make myself accept things and just be happy... Haven't found it yet.

It's really hard to turn off the bad mistakes memory...I also should stop rehashing those thoughts, too. I've lost friends from time and distance. I know how you feel. Sometimes I can't feel or have a good cry. My Dr put me on 20 mg of Prozac since 10 mg wasn't working after 2 weeks... we'll see.

One thing for sure, we're not alone in this. And this group can be open about their individual accounts of depression. Big hugs to you!🌞

Thank you... It really does help to have people the understand... I hope you have good results with the medication change

I also suffer anxiety and have off and on all my life. I think I was born fearful--afraid of so many things--I remember back to 3 yrs old and even before. Later events made it worse.

In my senior years (probably in my 50s or 60s), I started taking Paxel and it worked for years unless I had a medical appointment. But it cured my social anxiety in particular. Then I got the idea I needed to quit it and a psychiatrist transitioned me to Cymbalta and after awhile it caused my BP to raise to an emergency. Then she changed it to Zoloft which I still take. She talked me into a support group for seniors (most were dealing with addictions), and I got worse; it was intense and I felt it suggested negative things. The one thing that did help was to understand that negative thoughts are the cause of negative feelings that spiral into panic. (I no longer see this psychiatrist and was not comfortable with her at the time.) Two years later I still have completely healed from this experience. Unfortunately a respiratory illness messed me up the past month.

You are right in needing purpose in life. First make that purpose to take care of yourself than you will not resent it if you need to help someone else--but do it for yourself first--love yourself. I found that a spiritual life and prayer has been my greatest help--to know that I am loved. Then one needs to exercise daily, eat lots of vegetables, greens, get enough sleep, practice deep breathing. In the past I used relaxing tapes; nature scenes are best. We all have a purpose--don't let your brain lie to you. You have had purpose all your life from raising a family to now.

Give yourself time and try not to think negatively about your mate. Write a list of his good points and stop telling yourself you are incompatible. What we tell ourselves comes true in our minds. Talk to him, make him a friend. I know all about this because I used to have this problem. Now my husband is my greatest support (but he still talks too much!). We accept each other's flaws. My anxiety must really get to him at times.

Hi There,

Firstly welcome! It’s good your hear your be able to talk and not feel so alone.

It sounds to me as if you’ve got some past traumas and lost your sense of self. Have you tried therapy at all?

I went through a recent relationship upheaval with my childhood sweetheart (18 years together now) but he questioned his love for me when he thought he developed feelings for one of my friends!

I’ve struggled since even though we’re back together and he has been nothing but dedicated and proving himself. But the trauma is there. I was put on Sertraline which has helped with anxiety a bit but I’ve found the best thing to help process negative thoughts and how I’ve actually been feeling has been therapy. If you haven’t tried it yet I would really recommend!

Wishing you happiness and health! X

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles Agnes. I have done therapy for years... It is what got me through my divorce and dealing with that relationship. I know what you mean about those hurts feelings sticking with you. My husband told me he still loved his ex in the early stage of our relationship and I found texts messages between them... Even though that was years ago I still carry that hurt.

Junella profile image
Junella in reply to Agnes14

Forgiveness will help both of you. Read up about this truly wonderful medicine.

Hi how are you that sounds so much like me I am also in my 30s and have three kids also have a terrible relationship where there has been domestic violence before I am too struggling with anxiety really bad for a while now too I also don't know who I am anymore feel lonely most of the time and don't have interest in anything because I always feel like there is something is wrong with me an there it brings an anxiety attack all what I want is to be laying on my couch most days it really sucks to be like this because I feel like anxiety is just ruining my life hope you feel better just wanted to share struggles to let you know you are not alone

Thank you so much for sharing... It really does help to have people that understand. I think that is truly what will help us all get through it. I understand what you mean about not wanting to do anything... I come home from work and and just want to sit around then feel terrible I'm not paying more attention to the kids. They are at ages where they don't really want me as much, but I still feel guilty which just makes the anxiety and depression worse. It's a viscous cycle.

Junella profile image
Junella in reply to Xoxo33

Yes, I've been there--laying on the couch. It makes it worse. Exercise is the greatest medicine, I've read that many times. It does help to walk. I am so sorry for your bad experience and hope you get help. I guess it is like PTSD. Read a lot from help books.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."

Psalm 46:1-3

ellinaki profile image
ellinaki in reply to

These days I question if theres such a thing as God...fair enough what you said, but, what about us? who are suffering..hows the mountains or the seas, or the waters helping us?..everything does its thing..but what about us humans who can't do the simple things?..don't get me wrong, but these days I'm like each thing to its own, like my issues are my own..ok, i reach out to God, and?..

in reply to ellinaki

God might not be helping you in the way you want. You might expect that He will make everything better now, and he is, just not how you planned. All things have a greater purpose. There is reason for absolutely anything and everything. You might not understand it now, but I can assure you it will all fall into place and make sense one day.

ellinaki profile image
ellinaki in reply to

Thank you...yes I agree with you totally..he works for the best for us...I do understand and it all does make sense...if only we open our eyes and hearts and mind in faith...thank you..❤️

in reply to ellinaki

Anytime 😊

Junella profile image
Junella in reply to

Thank you for this special reminder which is quite true. God does not cause suffering and we need to remember He is more wonderful than we can imagine. But He may use it to strengthen or help us with new insight. It is not His plan for us to be anxious and much of the Bible warns against it. We need to realize there is an adversary out there that wants us to fail and one day he will be destroyed as the Bible says. Just keep praying and thinking positively.

in reply to Junella

Amen!! Praying! 🙏

Yes sometimes I feel bad That I never want to do anything and my girls want to go somewhere but I never want to go out because it makes my anxiety worse

I totally understand that... On one hand having the kids has helped significantly because things I had a hard time doing before I can do now as long as it is for the kids and they need me... It gives me more strength to overcome my own thoughts, but I still have times of struggle.

Yes my kids help alot too because it's them who give me strength to keep on going on but it's so hard when out of no where I start feeling the anxiety and start feeling like I am going yo get an anxiety atack

You are on the right track. Just don't neglect yourself.

I feel a lot like you do. Just to be wandering through life. Feel like your just floating above your body. Go through day to day not feeling a thing


Junella profile image
Junella in reply to DJB74

It's a common symptom of anxiety. I remember it from my teen years.

Im here to listen any time

Thank you... Same here. I feel so much better knowing I'm not alone in my feelings.

Youre not. Just a lot of people give up hope

Hi and welcome..I hope and I'm sure you will get alot out of healthunlocked... firstly, you are not alone any more..I thank you for being here too for us...

I would continue school. It saved my life. I graduated and I havent worked in that field. I did it for my soul. You need an anchor.

Women need to talk things out and since you've been through therapy before, it will be the best way to work through all that you're experiencing. So many things are intertwined and you'll need to unwrap them and put them into perspective and get a clear path. One day at a time.

Hi I am new here as well. I can relate to most everything you said.. I was in an abusive marriage and totally lost myself, and as you stated I am not sure I even knew who I was to begin with. I had been through a lot of trauma prior to my marriage. Then I had years of abuse and He cheated with multiple women which just sealed the deal on my self hatred and feeling like I was not lovable or good enough. I am sorry to hear you are struggling, but I hope we both are able to find some good support here.

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