How do I help hubby when I can't help myself?

[Surrounded-but-alone]

I've suffered depression most of my life, but a few years ago it hit an all-time high. Also, my usually-mild anxiety skyrocketed too. I've been working hard between therapy and meds to get back to normal. During this process, I think everything got to be too much for my husband and he is now depressed, in therapy and on low-dose meds as well. I feel awful that my condition did this to him, but I have accepted that it isn't my fault. My concern at this point is that it feels like while I'm working so hard to "get better" he isn't ready to fight for himself yet. It's causing problems between us and making my recovery harder. I absolutely do not want to give up on him, he was there for me when I couldn't make it out of bed most days. My question is, how do I pull him out of the hole when I'm still climbing out by my fingernails??

[Dormilona]

I don't think you have the power to "pull him out of hole." What you can do is be loving, supportive, and understanding. He may not want to talk. Might he appreciate a wordless hug? A cup of tea? Quiet time alone? Can he tell you what he would like from you?

[Surrounded-but-alone in reply to Dormilona]

I've asked him and the only answer I've gotten is "time and space", which I have tried to respect. But there is a fine line between him having time to himself and him being emotionally unavailable for me and our 3 children. That's where the struggle with my recovery is coming in... I feel more alone than ever in my marriage because of this thing I inadvertently caused and I can't figure out the best way to give him what he wants, while practically raising 3 kids alone and still preserve what sanity I have. If it were just him and me it wouldn't be so bad, I understand why he's pushing me away (even though emotionally its still rough) but the kids not only don't get it but they see him not helping much and take advantage of that, this raising my stress/anxiety/depression. It's an endless cycle really 😔