I'm here because I've got this low/medium-grade depression and anxiety that make it very hard to do the work I should be doing. I used to have horrible drowsiness all the time, but I grew out of that around 7 years ago. Now I just have a general lack of interest in things and feel unmotivated. I've had days/moments where I feel normal and want to get things done, set and achieve goals. I think 'You don't know what's wrong till it's right."--Those good times show me how disabled I am most of the time.
Then there's the constant question of, "Am I just being lazy?"--guilt for not getting my work done, for disappointing my boyfriend when he asks me what I did with my day. He is hard working and gives me tons of support in anything I want to do, but I usually can't get motivated to follow through with anything.
I think about suicide every day and really envy the dead. "I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens," as Woody Allen said.
I am fortunate to have a great social circle and many opportunities to travel and experience nice things. Often, anxiety takes the joy out of these experiences though. It all seems pointless. I may enjoy a party or a meal, but there's always this looming sense of hopelessness that revisits me when the fun is over and the pressure is on.
We didn't evolve to live in the social and physical environments we find ourselves in. I reckon most mental health problems are due to that.
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Onemoreface
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Hi,
I TOTALLY feel you! I moved in with my boyfriend around 5 months ago and he's been financially supporting us both since then.. I've been trying to find a job but my depression is just taking over my whole body and I can't face life most days. Getting out of bed is hard, I just feel soooo drained and everything around me is just dark. I have been on antidepressants for over a year now but they just don't seem to be working?
Well, yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me because he can't deal with my depression anymore. It's the worst feeling when someone just gives up on you when you already feel completely worthless. I'm just crushed at the moment, he's already started packing my things for me. I just never thought he'd turn his back on me.
Gosh, that is really, really hard, Kelly. My outlook on life is pretty bleak, so I don't know if I'm a good one to cheer you up, but maybe I can help.
1) Antidepressants: I've tried many. I prefer Wellbutrin (Bupropion) because it's stimulating and also eases my cravings for cigarettes. The others made me tired and didn't cheer me up. Keep trying different meds; you may eventually find something that works.
2) Exercise is God's little joke, because we depressives generally don't feel energetic, but exercise is really the best medicine for almost every ailment, especially psychological ones.
3) Is there anyone in your life that needs you that you can offer some support to? It always makes me feel better when I am taking care of someone else, even if it's just keeping them company so they aren't lonely. Can you visit an elderly neighbor or something?
4) Social isolation is the worst, so try to spend time with people, even if you feel like it's impossible. Somewhere with some happy energy might be good. A funny movie? A joyous church service?
5) Choose a small goal that involves physical movement, other humans, and some novelty. (e.g. Go for a walk with my sister and her new roommate.) Just choose something you can do today or tomorrow. Let me know what it is.
I don't know. I'm just trying to think of something constructive to say. Maybe something will spark some inspiration in you.
Onemoreface, you really have brilliant advice and both understand and know quite a bit.
I have been dark, depressive, and melancholy my whole life. So I am one that doesn’t have any black and white answers but has more or less just made observations, tried things, and found a change of perspective.
What you wrote above could basically describe my own journey. What I find myself believing for the moment is some people are a whole lot more intuitive with their emotions and feelings. This is a wonderful gift if one is aware of it and knows how to manage it.
Others, such as my wife and one son, find people’s emotions quite foreign and this is a wonderful gift for them however each personality, including those closer to the middle and even those at the other extreme, must face challenges/opportunities to grow.
I take lots of meds. I have OCD, anxiety, and depression. I literally felt a fog/Cloud come onto me in the mornings and follow me around. I have suffered with giving up and suicide almost daily however the magnitude has severely dropped. I have gotten better. I have now better at stepping out the moment and learning to relax.
I am just on this awkward misguided journey of life like yourself. I now know the way I thought and felt in the past was not the way I should have been living however I was never trained or understood how to live any other way.
So don’t give up. Just try to relax. Keep posting. I believe people need people more than we realize. The real problem is selfishness and everyone is focused on themselves and what is important to them at the movement, which is fine. I just don’t need to take it so hard and give them grace for their own journey. It will all come around. Just takes time. Lots and lots of time.
Thanks. I wouldn't call myself melancholy my whole life, as you are. I have ups and downs, and I'm always surprised by how quickly I forget what depression is like when I'm up and how quickly I forget what happiness is like when I'm down. I can see why people who have never struggled with long-term depression can't sympathize with depressives.
We are lucky to have been given the opportunity to learn to sympathize with people who have feelings we can't relate to, I guess. We'd be luckier if we just lived in the habitat evolution designed us for.
I'm on Sertraline 100mg and have been for over a year now but I don't think they're doing anything at all at the moment! I'm not even sure they were helping in the first place! My doctor has put me on 150mg to see if that makes any difference.. It's so hard because changing meds takes so much time! I've tried 3 different ones before and again nothing, just tiredness.
Exercise is something I'm really wanting to get back into but my body just won't be able to take it at the moment.. I'm barely eating, I keep feeling sick and just genuinely weak.. I can't get myself to eat properly! It's the change I think.. and the hurt from my boyfriend has just taken my appetite
My sister could definitely use a help, she's a single mum with a 3 year old! I'm also putting more effort into my friends, I've been isolating myself from everyone this past year... though I don't want to overdo it! as I'm really needy at the moment
Sister + sister's toddler + several friends... That sounds like an overwhelming number of people to think about. How about you choose one specific person and make one specific plan to do something relatively easy and new?
I'll help. Your tallest friend. Go with her to a museum or art exhibit or movie theater. Try to focus on the moment while you're there, but also allow yourself to talk about your unpleasant feelings. Depression + breakup is very hard, but other people have been through similar things and can usually sympathize.
How are you doing compared to last week, Kelly? Hope my advice wasn't off putting. I hoped maybe an unsolicited specific instructions from a stranger might add a bit of zest to your week. You know, something new and different from the same old same old support from friends and family that, frankly, can get tedious.
I hope you find better days. I know how you feel and can say that obtaining remote work saved me.
Wow! You are an amazing woman! I think you'll make it because you seem to have a good sense of humor. I can so relate to those thoughts of dying. Even if we think the dead are the lucky ones, we also need to know it'll come soon enough. If you keep on living, you never know when your presence in someone's life; even a smile to a passing stranger...will make their day a little better & maybe pull them out of some tragic thought.
You have value as a friend and as an example of the courage to keep on keepin' on.
That song by Alisa Cara (sp?):
" You're beautiful just the way you are...You don't need to change...the world should change it's heart..."
Look to the true poets, precious woman...& if no one's told you lately, you are loved...
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